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Not trying to hijack this thread, but I'm curious about your reasons. I'm a single mom (widowed = no break ever) so time is obviously a huge issues. I'm dating a man without kids who claims he wants them but I'm just not getting a family man vibe off him. I was thinking that maybe I should be dating men with kids so at least they understand all that's involved in being a parent.
I've dated men with kids, and depending on the kids, it can create a complicated dynamic, as far as blending families. Some "blend" better than others.
My husband was childless when we met, but he's always wanted kids, just wasn't sure if he would meet the right person to have them. He's worked with kids since his teen years as a swim instructor. He's a natural with them, and my older kids took to him really well. He's pretty close to them. We have a 2.5 year old and he's just fantastic with her. They're super close and adore each other to pieces. The way he looks at her and how they interact together. They're adorable. He's very involved and hands-on with all of the kids.
It is exceptionally hard to incorporate a man into an already established family, it is even harder to attempt to blend additional kids into the mix. The few times I have dated men with children, it was an issue with the kids fighting for attention. For instance, the mans children wanted the attention of a "mom", but my kids struggled with sharing. Or my children would want the "dad" type attention and he would treat his own children different then mine, which would cause arguments.
I find it easier to date men that do not have children, and that are willing to devote their attention to just my kids.
ETA- I have my oldest 100% of the time, and my youngest all but 4 overnights a month. Your kids might have some of the same thoughts my children experience with not having a father in their lives.
I am currently dating a man with no kids, that is happy to devote his time and energy to mine. He is sure that two kids is plenty and does not need to have his own biological kids. He is very active with my children. He even takes off when they have medical situations that require surgery and hospital stays. He has sat a many of night in the hospital, when my sons bio dad cannot even be bothered to show up.
Mine are too young to really process it yet... 4 and 1 1/2.
And I have no brothers who can step in.
My father is local but he's in his 70s so...
Mine are too young to really process it yet... 4 and 1 1/2.
And I have no brothers who can step in.
My father is local but he's in his 70s so...
Younger children have an easier time bonding with a new man in your life. My teenager loves my bf, but that is not overly typical that teens accept the new person in their home.
Never said they were. I am just tired of the made up excuses.
But if someone wants to pretend that an ER nurse who works 12 hour shifts, runs 5 days a week, takes care of her grandmother every other weekend, and runs marathons on the other weekends is going to have more time, flexibility, and spontaneity than a single mom with a 17 year old, they are telling themselves stories.
If someone doesn't want to date people with kids, fine, but be honest with yourself and others about it. You don't want to date someone with kids because you don't want any kids of any age in your life, you don't want any other person to take priority over you with the person you're dating, you've just randomly decided that all single moms have too much "drama," etc. But don't make up stuff about spontaneity and flexibility when the kids are grown or virtually so, and there are so many, many other things can take up people's time. It's insulting.
I clearly remember you're the same person that in one of the OLD threads said any woman has a right to have as long of a checklist of requirements as she wants, work the system, cherry pick and be extremely picky. Now you're getting butthurt about a guy that says he prefers a woman with no kids? So typical.
Excuse me. I will have the no kids preference for any damn list of reason I please. You will not dictate when it's ok for me to have that requirement.
So basically you want someone who will focus solely on you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJ09990
Here's the problem.
You're looking for a unicorn... an attractive, fit, great personality, childfree woman in her late 30s/early 40s. If you find such a woman, you'd better be a 10 because she's got her pick of men - and she knows it. I know a woman like this. She's amazing. And picky. So.Very.Picky.
It depends on where he lives, AtLGuy has the same problem I do, a location issue. Age isn't my main problem although I'm sure it would be easier if I was still 30.
The women you're are describing in my area are extremely picky because there's like 1,000 men chasing them.
I wouldn't call them amazing, they're just normal women in an area with a lack of decent single women.
Not sure what DennyCrane lives but if he's in his early 40's and in the right location he can still find it since there's more women than ever over 30 without kids. They're just concentrated in certain parts of the country.
I clearly remember you're the same person that in one of the OLD threads said any woman has a right to have as long of a checklist of requirements as she wants, work the system, cherry pick and be extremely picky. Now you're getting butthurt about a guy that says he prefers a woman with no kids? So typical.
Excuse me. I will have the no kids preference for any damn list of reason I please. You will not dictate when it's ok for me to have that requirement.
...He even takes off when they have medical situations that require surgery and hospital stays. He has sat a many of night in the hospital, when my sons bio dad cannot even be bothered to show up.
Luck, I am so sorry to hear your kids have medical issues of that magnitude. I cannot imagine anything scarier.
My daughters have had their illnesses and injuries, but thank the stars nothing chronic or congenital. My heart goes out to you and your children.
Not sure what DennyCrane lives but if he's in his early 40's and in the right location he can still find it since there's more women than ever over 30 without kids. They're just concentrated in certain parts of the country.
There are plenty of single women over 30 who don't have kids. But of those women, what percentage want to have kids someday? Easily over half. Maybe even 75%. Now out of the 25% that don't, how many are nonreligious liberals? I live in the southeastern part of the country. Not exactly a place full of nonreligious liberals to begin with. And, as I stated earlier, moving isn't an option. And as someone who's over 40, I'd actually prefer a woman in her 40s as well. If I were simply looking for a fling or just short term dating, this would be easy. But I'd rather find someone with whom I'd have long term compatibility with.
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