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Browsing dating sites is one thing, My girlfriends and I (some of us single,some engaged, some married) sometimes do this for entertainment purposes.If nothing else it usually provides us with a good laugh.Some of the things people post to come across as attractive are hilarious.We are all open with our SOs about doing this(those of us with SOs)We do not have profiles-we just look and laugh.
But a man who is happy with his current relationship would not build a profile and misrepresent himself as single-plain and simple!
As far as him asking you to marry him to redeem himself-why would he offer that if he knows you don't want marriage in the first place??
Dump him.This could only get worse. He has no respect for you or the women on these websites who are seriously looking for someone but finding a false hope in someone who is lying.
I think you should re-read your post. The answer is staring at you in black/white. As an objective person, if you read that post written by somebody else what would you think? I have a feeling you already know what you need to do. Good Luck.
My bf and I have been together for 5 years, and I thought I knew him inside out... until I found out that he's been going on various online dating websites pretending to be single throughout the past 5 years.
He's always claimed to be too lazy to do the online community thing where he has to fill out profiles, but for these sites, not only did he fill out EVERYTHING, he even uploaded pictures of himself and messaged SINGLE GIRLS.
I confronted him, but he claimed that those are "nothing," that "they don't matter," and that he "didn't do anything." But to me, the fact that he registered and all is enough action for me; I feel like he cheated on me (at least emotionally and mentally), multiple times, all behind my back. He said he only went on those websites when we were broken up (that one time)/in a fight or when he just wanted to break up/be single/see what's out there (we are each other's firsts.) But I checked out the dates, and all those times he was on those sites, nothing was going wrong with us. So it's a blantant excuse.
I asked him if he wants to break up so he could be single again and date to his heart's content, but he said no, and started saying how "I want to marry you," etc. kind of BS. I'm just so utterly disgusted and repulsed by all this... and by him. How can someone you have been so close and intimate with for so long be capable of doing something like this?
I'm confused. Should I just get over it and forgive him? or should I leave him?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
p.s. We're both just out of college and he KNOWS that I never intend to get married, ever.
I would think you could do better, you dont deserve to be treated like that!! To have the one person that should be totally and complete honest with you, going to behind your back then lying to you about the times that it happened. He already got caught then dug himself in deeper. 5 years of not changing your profile to being in a relationship should definitely send a red flag to me, expecially if he changed other things like his picture...which you said he did. Maybe he wanted it to say single so women would think he was and hit on him to make him feel better since no other women has shown him interest since you two have been together. I know if my man were to do this to me I would see it as him not being as into the relationship as I was and move on. And him saying he wants to marry you after that is totaly a cop out.
I can tell you, I won't get married again or commit to anyone again unless I am the most important thing in the world to that person, not unless he would walk across hot coals to be with me.
No half measures, no its convenient and easy.
I would rather be on my own then accept something that is mediocre.
I can tell you, I won't get married again or commit to anyone again unless I am the most important thing in the world to that person, not unless he would walk across hot coals to be with me.
No half measures, no its convenient and easy.
I would rather be on my own then accept something that is mediocre.
I can really understand and relate to that. In fact when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend that is exactly what I prepared myself for and even spoke out. I expected and planned to be by myself. I figured, I got my kids, I got my schooling, I don't need a man, I can be happy all by myself. In fact I rather be alone than with someone who is not willing to put in at the very least the same that I put into a relationship.
I have been really blessed with my fiancee however and thank God for bringing us together. There is no half measures in this relationship and convenient and easy it has not been. We live 2.5 hours away from each other and having a long distance relationship is far from easy. But he has shown that he will do what it takes to ensure that I know how important I am to him (as I have done for him as well).
He got an IM for the first time just so we could talk on there during the week. Got a cell phone with the company I have just so that we could talk and he would not be taking minutes from my kids. Travels every weekend after working an 8-10 hour day on Friday so that we can spend the weekend together. It's now gotten to where he stays Sunday night and wakes up at 4am on Monday morning to head back and be at work on time, just so we can have a little extra time together Sunday night. He loves my kids as if they were his own and if he can help me with something for them, he does. He encourages me and supports me in my pursuing my college degree and asks at least once a day how is school going.
These are just some of the little things that he does to show how important I am to him. The list goes on and on. He does have 3 children of his own and I expect nothing less than their well being coming first to him, as my own children come to me, however, I have no doubt in my mind and heart that on the level of importance, I am right up there with them.
I honestly never thought I would ever feel this way again. I hope is that one day you, and anyone else, would find someone that can cause those same feelings too.
I've made alot of the same arguments inside my head as everyone here have; it all makes so much sense, and it seems so obvious that I should leave him and find someone else who respects me and values me enough to not lie or hide anything from me.
But frankly, that's what I'm most afraid of - being alone and finding someone. I've been with the same person for the past 5 years, since I started college. We've lived together for almost 2 years.
I know I'm capable of being on my own, and I know that I'm still really young, that I should date around instead of staying committed and living the "married life" at age 23, that there are options out there and possibly mature men who will treat me with honesty and respect. My brain knows all this and more, yet my heart feels like it's being ripped apart and not want to throw everything we've had together away like it's nothing.
Also, not only do I not know how to meet anyone else, since he is all I know, but I know that he does love me and care about me, otherwise he wouldn't stay here on the east coast with me by himself while his whole family moved to the west coast a few years ago. What if I can't find someone else who loves me so much so unconditionally to be willing to makes such sacrifices to be with me?
Every couples fight. Am I just being naive to think maybe this is just an obstacle in the relationship that will make us even closer together if he manages to redeem himself?
to lisamisa, you're being cheated out of so much. You have every right to break up and let him do his online dating. He's dishonest and that's one of the dealbreakers IMO. Don't settle for secondbest. It likely will get worse, he'll end up chatting online with someone, meeting them, whatever else...it's only a matter of time. How many more years do you want to spend like that? Wondering, hoping for better...
You are not giving yourself much credit, there are millions of men out there; you just haven't been noticing them lately. Maybe he had other reasons for not moving with his family? That's not unconditional love IMO, he's doing what he likes to do and you seem isolated from everything and everyone.
My bf and I have been together for 5 years, and I thought I knew him inside out... until I found out that he's been going on various online dating websites pretending to be single throughout the past 5 years.
He's always claimed to be too lazy to do the online community thing where he has to fill out profiles, but for these sites, not only did he fill out EVERYTHING, he even uploaded pictures of himself and messaged SINGLE GIRLS.
I confronted him, but he claimed that those are "nothing," that "they don't matter," and that he "didn't do anything." But to me, the fact that he registered and all is enough action for me; I feel like he cheated on me (at least emotionally and mentally), multiple times, all behind my back. He said he only went on those websites when we were broken up (that one time)/in a fight or when he just wanted to break up/be single/see what's out there (we are each other's firsts.) But I checked out the dates, and all those times he was on those sites, nothing was going wrong with us. So it's a blantant excuse.
I asked him if he wants to break up so he could be single again and date to his heart's content, but he said no, and started saying how "I want to marry you," etc. kind of BS. I'm just so utterly disgusted and repulsed by all this... and by him. How can someone you have been so close and intimate with for so long be capable of doing something like this?
I'm confused. Should I just get over it and forgive him? or should I leave him?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
p.s. We're both just out of college and he KNOWS that I never intend to get married, ever.
Well, I have done the same thing, but I filled out false information and things just to see if I could find people I know. I never talked to any of them or anything. My wife always knew I was doing this or was taking part in it.
Had I been messaging single girls and had truly filled out my profile, etc, I think it would be a different story. Then again, I wouldn't do that.
Then again, I probably wouldn't be with a girl who says she never intends to get married, ever.
it is BS, you are right, dump him
he's made the choice to act like he's single, so give him what he's already doing
don't take his word for he'll change or marry you or anything
it's BS
i had one like that, it was always "what's your ring size" and other assorted BS
finally i had enough people flat out tell me "it's BS when are you going to see that" that I couldn't avoid the obvious any longer. Anything else you are just deluding yourself and living in fantasy land.
the one i was with that did that had all these photos and profiles, when he couldn't be bothered to give me a photo when I asked for one (we lived several hours apart). Reading the profiles was such BS. He got where he'd tell me which states he had girls in, it was NAUSEOUS, and how he had such a gooood time over the weekend, when before he'd told me he was working. BS
when you catch them in soooooooo many lies, and so many stories that are all over the map, well like you said, it is such BS
I'll admit, as a man, who was in an unfufilling relationship I had done this. I had sexual conversations with other women and soon after breaking up, I met with one girl and had sex.
DUMP HIM...he is unhappy...OR talk to him and try to make him unhappy. In my case we weren't meant to be. Doesn't sound like you are meant to be either. GL
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