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My bf and I have been together for 5 years, and I thought I knew him inside out... until I found out that he's been going on various online dating websites pretending to be single throughout the past 5 years.
He's always claimed to be too lazy to do the online community thing where he has to fill out profiles, but for these sites, not only did he fill out EVERYTHING, he even uploaded pictures of himself and messaged SINGLE GIRLS.
I confronted him, but he claimed that those are "nothing," that "they don't matter," and that he "didn't do anything." But to me, the fact that he registered and all is enough action for me; I feel like he cheated on me (at least emotionally and mentally), multiple times, all behind my back. He said he only went on those websites when we were broken up (that one time)/in a fight or when he just wanted to break up/be single/see what's out there (we are each other's firsts.) But I checked out the dates, and all those times he was on those sites, nothing was going wrong with us. So it's a blantant excuse.
I asked him if he wants to break up so he could be single again and date to his heart's content, but he said no, and started saying how "I want to marry you," etc. kind of BS. I'm just so utterly disgusted and repulsed by all this... and by him. How can someone you have been so close and intimate with for so long be capable of doing something like this?
I'm confused. Should I just get over it and forgive him? or should I leave him?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
p.s. We're both just out of college and he KNOWS that I never intend to get married, ever.
If I were dating him, he'd be history
sheesh, He did nothing? or It's nothing?
dump im...he's not capable of your fidelity or moral standards.
He IS a liar. He even admits to it. But he's definitely not a player. If he were, it'd be a no brainer - I'd be happily single by now.
The conflict for me is, aside from this stint and the occasional jackass-ness, he's a really good guy, my best friend, and my first. He does alot of things that other guys wouldn't even entertain doing. We also shared alot together...
so I just feel blind-sighted by this whole deal... and deeply hurt.
I'm sorry to say, your excusing his actions...just b/c you think he is a good guy, yoru best friend, and your first, doesn't make infidelity acceptable....
and he IS a player, otherwise, he wouldn't be doing this...
a player takes until he can no longer have personal gains..and when he's done, like the song says, He'll leave you lonely....when he's done with you, he won't look back.
I don't mean to hurt you, but if he's gone this far, what's to say, he hasn't cheated on you already? Perhaps he hasn't, but then again, what else has he done that you don't know about?
Mari, I have been through some similar things but I have to say there will be NO confrontation the next time someone does something like this in my life.
His things will be on the front porch in a box, if I have been stupid enough to give him a key, then the locks will be changed. I have no desire to attempt to be someones conscience or police their actions.
A relationship with me is not like baseball, there isn't three strikes and then your out, one strike and then your dead to me. Its that simple. Life is WAY to short to put up with this BS.
Dr. Phil says we teach people how to treat us. Start letting people know that you expect to be treated with respect, don't put up with this kind of behavior, communicate about boundaries, then unless your partner is deaf and dumb, they will not be able to say they had no idea you felt that was wrong.
I love your style lady, your fidelity to self is absolutely a marvel...not many women at your young age can say the same thing with such perseverence....
You go girl....you make me proud to be a woman....
I'm sorry to say, your excusing his actions...just b/c you think he is a good guy, yoru best friend, and your first, doesn't make infidelity acceptable....
and he IS a player, otherwise, he wouldn't be doing this...
a player takes until he can no longer have personal gains..and when he's done, like the song says, He'll leave you lonely....when he's done with you, he won't look back.
I don't mean to hurt you, but if he's gone this far, what's to say, he hasn't cheated on you already? Perhaps he hasn't, but then again, what else has he done that you don't know about?
He's broken trust....
sorry
creme
I agree completely... the trust is broken. I too would question what else he has done. Maybe nothing, or maybe just hasn't been caught yet.
23 is still very young and having a whole life ahead. Really sad to set such low standards by accepting this behavior now. Being alone can be a bit of a shocker after a long relationship, but you never know if something better is out there for you if you don't take the risk.
What's the option, to stay in a relationship where the other party has shown so little respect for you as to portray himself as single while prowling the dating sites.
I love your style lady, your fidelity to self is absolutely a marvel...not many women at your young age can say the same thing with such perseverence....
You go girl....you make me proud to be a woman....
CB, you flatter me. I am FAR from a young woman, I am feeling my age, I just had my 41st birthday.
So far in my life no one has taken care of me the way I can. I don't want to drag dead weight through life anymore.
I think you should re-read your post. The answer is staring at you in black/white. As an objective person, if you read that post written by somebody else what would you think? I have a feeling you already know what you need to do. Good Luck.
=lisamisa;3120700].......I asked him if he wants to break up so he could be single again and date to his heart's content, but he said no, and started saying how "I want to marry you," etc. kind of BS. ?
After 5 years you catch him trolling for women and he then pops the big question? What a catch!
Sorry for the sarcasm but guys that do that to their women are a**holes.
I'm confused. Should I just get over it and forgive him? or should I leave him?
Quote:
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
If/when you catch him a second time, what will you do?
A third time?
Quote:
We're both just out of college and he KNOWS that I never intend to get married, ever
You should let him go because it sounds like he really wants to establish a long lasting, monogamous relationship with a woman he can call his "wife".
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