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I've upped my on line dating, if searching, activity where I am checking it everyday, responding to the site's suggestions, answering my letters, and in that, a number of concerns have crept into my thinking.
The first one is probably not a paranoia but just wise thinking and that is where if in the first letter to me they say "Let's talk on the phone, what's your cell number?", I drop them like a hot potato. I drop them politely with a "I don't respond well to those who immediately ask for my phone number. Thank you for your time." but drop them nevertheless.
Then there are those who say they don't want to see pictures of me with beautiful members of the other side. In theory, getting pictures of one's self alone would not be too difficult but how else does one get the message out that their life often involves being surrounded by beautiful people?
Then, there are my personal demons as written about in my diaries and the fears that a new intimate might find one of the volumes (when one has 60+ volumes, that fear is high). Now, they are written in abstract with the only reference list in my head, so if they did fall into unintended hands, direct meaning might not be possible to extract. Still, however, how does one approach life with a, potentially, SO, that there are somethings of one's life they are just not willing to reveal or even acknowledge that they exist?
And then there are those who say "If you voted for Trump, don't contact me!". I'm sorry they feel like that but I suppose it is just as well to respect the wishes of those so intolerant.
When I met my husband (Yahoo Personals ad, over 15 yrs. ago) neither of us had pictures of each other. Honestly, I liked it like that. Neither of us had any preconceptions based on looks. And we just 'talked' through email for about a month or so. We eventually got to emailing each other every day, and then agreed to meet in person...and the rest is history.
You know that saying "Slow and steady wins the race"? I feel like that's what worked for us. We were able to get to know each other, and LIKE what we were finding out about each other, before we ever met in person. Plus...he was local. That was important to me. I wasn't interested in long distance.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
When I met my husband (Yahoo Personals ad, over 15 yrs. ago) neither of us had pictures of each other. Honestly, I liked it like that. Neither of us had any preconceptions based on looks. And we just 'talked' through email for about a month or so. We eventually got to emailing each other every day, and then agreed to meet in person...and the rest is history.
You know that saying "Slow and steady wins the race"? I feel like that's what worked for us. We were able to get to know each other, and LIKE what we were finding out about each other, before we ever met in person. Plus...he was local. That was important to me. I wasn't interested in long distance.
Honestly, the no pictures personals would not fly today. Not with Catfish being a weekly show now.
I actually like if you voted for Trump don't contact me lines. Shows we would be in the same page. Asking for a phone number would be after 1-2 days of talking.
My biggest paranoia is the profile pic with one attractive girl and one ugly girl. I'm horrified and get proven right that typically it is the ugly girl's profile.
Honestly, the no pictures personals would not fly today. Not with Catfish being a weekly show now.
I actually like if you voted for Trump don't contact me lines. Shows we would be in the same page. Asking for a phone number would be after 1-2 days of talking.
My biggest paranoia is the profile pic with one attractive girl and one ugly girl. I'm horrified and get proven right that typically it is the ugly girl's profile.
WELL, it's "them" saying the don't call me if you voted for Trump, not me.
As it is, when it comes to talking, at first, I would do at least 1 day rest after the first Internet contact. I can come across as such "a dream come true" that I wanted them to give it a day to think about it. These days, however, I insist on several days of talking because......it seems so many are so caught up in fantasy that I want to determine if they know the difference between that and reality.
Yes, I agree, no pictures these days really does not fly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
When I met my husband (Yahoo Personals ad, over 15 yrs. ago) neither of us had pictures of each other. Honestly, I liked it like that. Neither of us had any preconceptions based on looks. And we just 'talked' through email for about a month or so. We eventually got to emailing each other every day, and then agreed to meet in person...and the rest is history.
You know that saying "Slow and steady wins the race"? I feel like that's what worked for us. We were able to get to know each other, and LIKE what we were finding out about each other, before we ever met in person. Plus...he was local. That was important to me. I wasn't interested in long distance.
Mmmmmmm, well I think the pictures are necessary and not just because of what I said above. They show what I do, what I spend a lot of my time doing.
A reoccurring troublesome thought in the back of my mind is that with all the parts I play, who is the real Tamara? So, here, A and B. A: Let them see who I am to part of the world. B: Let us talk, A LOT, so we each can figure each other out.
I highly dislike women who have pictures of their girlfriends in their photos, because you cant tell whose profile you are looking at! I have seen profiles with 10-12 photos and each had multiple women???? I don't understand the line of thinking behind it and find it very confusing. Is it, "I may look like crap but I have hot girlfriends" or "look at this picture, maybe you wont be able to tell which one I am, and will assume I'm the most attractive one" but then you'll just ignore that when we meet in person? I don't know, it just seems crazy to me.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
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When I was online dating, I felt like after a few messages if numbers weren't exchanged my experience told me I was wasting my time with someone that wasn't serious about meeting people. Not sure why you're paranoid as it's very easy to block numbers in this day and age, but there are a lot of people doing the online dating thing that are simply bored and want to message back and forth for eternity in order to fill the time.
Good luck to you, but to me, your approach is wrong.
When I was online dating, I felt like after a few messages if numbers weren't exchanged my experience told me I was wasting my time with someone that wasn't serious about meeting people. Not sure why you're paranoid as it's very easy to block numbers in this day and age, but there are a lot of people doing the online dating thing that are simply bored and want to message back and forth for eternity in order to fill the time.
Good luck to you, but to me, your approach is wrong.
Probably (that my approach is wrong).
As far as blocking numbers, I just follow other disciplines and just don't do this or that. After all, it is about, partially at least, my preferences, isn't it?
In any event, it wasn't after a few messages, that was their first message.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReturnOfTheMack2017
I highly dislike women who have pictures of their girlfriends in their photos, because you cant tell whose profile you are looking at! I have seen profiles with 10-12 photos and each had multiple women???? I don't understand the line of thinking behind it and find it very confusing. Is it, "I may look like crap but I have hot girlfriends" or "look at this picture, maybe you wont be able to tell which one I am, and will assume I'm the most attractive one" but then you'll just ignore that when we meet in person? I don't know, it just seems crazy to me.
It is in our nature; we do travel in packs, doncha know?
It is in our nature; we do travel in packs, doncha know?
And I know for myself, I rarely have a candid shot of myself that's just me. Usually those kinds of pictures are taken while out and about doing things with other people.
Edit: I get having a good individual profile picture is paramount, but demanding people never have group shots seems counterproductive.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 08-14-2017 at 12:19 PM..
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,709 posts, read 41,870,976 times
Reputation: 41441
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
And I know for myself, I rarely have a candid shot of myself that's just me. Usually those kinds of pictures are taken while out and about doing things with other people.
I don't think those pictures are bad. I would just prefer if women just had their profile pic of ONLY themselves. Nothing is worse than having to decide whether to risk looking at a potentially ugly woman's profile because you can't make out which of the women in the pic is looking for a date.
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