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I don't know if it's my passion for history, but I enjoy reminiscing about the past at times, and this extends to my marriage.
I often flip through albums that contain pictures my wife and I took together when we first hooked up. (We've been together 12.5 years.) Just yesterday, I was sifting through messages my wife and I sent each other through MySpace back in the day. I try to do it when I'm next to her so we can reminisce together, but she's usually not very responsive.
It's always struck me as odd that my wife doesn't seem to take as much interest in the good old times. She hardly ever takes the initiative to grab the album or mention anything having to do with the beginning of the relationship.
She insists, though, that she reminisces sometimes by looking at picture albums saved on her Facebook page. She claims to do this on her own time -- without feeling the need to "announce" it.
She says that just because she doesn't broadcast it or call a gathering to look at pictures together doesn't mean she doesn't cherish those memories.
I know that partners show their love in different ways, but is it normal for one partner to be more openly nostalgic than the other? Is this the case in your relationship-- or any other you've witnessed?
Wondering if perhaps your nostalgia make her feel as though the current status of your relationship is lacking? Look how in love we USED to be?
People enjoy their memories, but constantly bringing it up might make it seem as though you are stuck in the past and not as happy with the the way things currently are, especially if you are always focusing on the beginning of the relationship instead of reminiscing about all the different memories that have occurred over the span of years.
Wondering if perhaps your nostalgia make her feel as though the current status of your relationship is lacking? Look how in love we USED to be?
People enjoy their memories, but constantly bringing it up might make it seem as though you are stuck in the past and not as happy with the the way things currently are, especially if you are always focusing on the beginning of the relationship instead of reminiscing about all the different memories that have occurred over the span of years.
I wouldn't say I constantly bring it up -- maybe once or twice every three or so months.
I do focus more on the very beginning because it was a really special time in our lives.
We first met in the 6th grade. Even though we remained in the same schools for grades 6-12, we didn't reconnect and hook up until 2005, when both of us were in college and she happened to reach out via MySpace. We lost our virginity to one another that year. It's a special story I hold near and dear to my heart.
What I think it boils down to is her not liking to draw attention to herself. She says that even at work she hates announcing her contributions/accomplishments.
I guess I always figured it's what a married couple should do -- reminisce about old times together, not just individually -- but maybe that just isn't how everyone thinks.
OP, did you clearly explain all of the required expectations you have of your wife to your wife?
Also, if you are looking in the past so often there is an issue with your present that needs to be worked on.
Put more energy into your present and future and leave the past behind.
I guess I always figured it's what a married couple should do -- reminisce about old times together, not just individually -- but maybe that just isn't how everyone thinks.
The bolded is what you need to keep in mind.
My husband and I rarely reminisce about our early years. On occasion, we'll bring up something we did or that happened to us but it's usually when something specific triggers that memory. However, we never just sit and look through old photos together and play "Remember when".
You're a little young for the reminiscing part of a marriage. Your whole future is in front of you. By when you were in college I am guessing you are in your early 30's. Wait about 35 more years and then get out the albums.
I don't believe either of us is what I'd call nostalgic. Occasionally it's nice to look at old photos and reminisce but it doesn't really serve a purpose to dwell on the past. I don't think this means she's any less committed to your relationship. You need to focus on the now and stop wallowing in the past.
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