Are women who post on relationship and dating forums just exceptions to the rule? (lover, pregnant)
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It feels exactly like that...that it's a scientific or mathematical equation and if they can just solve it, it will unlock the code of how relationships work, leaving out feeling, emotion and interpersonal connections.
Generalities tend to exist in sexual selection. Some of those generalities might not be flattering. When they are brought up, y'all fly off the handle and come at me with ad hominem. Try sticking to the argument.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
Even in some of the suggestions women put into how I can make my house more welcoming terms like "for under 1K you can make a difference" as if I have an extra thousand bucks laying around in disposable funds at one time(I actually have way more than that saved in an emergence fund but that's for emergencies like hail damage, flood damage and the like and it took a very long time to save it).
No one said or implied it needed to be done at one time.
I ask this because I have been looking at poll's on various subjects plus a few I have posted on my own.
one being would a woman prefer a guy who hates his job but makes good money or a guy who loved his job but did not earn much, surprisingly most women answered the guy who liked his job but did not earn much, but sadly in real life such women seem hard to find.
if I am to believe the responses to many of the threads I've started most women would be happy with an average joe who was almost homeless but had a heart of gold.
But we all know the lot in life those guys receive, women on these forums say money does not matter to them, but in the real world we all see the guy with outward signs of wealth with the hottest girl in the club(no matter what he looks like).
women on these and other forums complain about guys who take them for granted, but in real life the guys that put them first get written off as needy or clingy.
Women say they value faithfulness but we see in real life they seem attracted to the guys least likely to be faithful (those super charming, flirty, charismatic guys who ooze confidence, players can't be players if they have nobody to play with) .
I am so confused.
The reality is, men like sex. Women like shopping.
So to get to the heart of the issue, you become substantially more attractive to a female when you have money.
Generally speaking, if what you love to do doesn't pay much your screwed lol.
The reality is, men like sex. Women like shopping.
So to get to the heart of the issue, you become substantially more attractive to a female when you have money.
Generally speaking, if what you love to do doesn't pay much your screwed lol.
Most of my women friends and relatives hate shopping, and avoid it to the extent possible. Not sure why you're assuming women don't earn their own money, either. Are you aware we're in a whole new millennium now? Have been, for about 17 years, and counting...
I would love to believe that, in fact this is exactly what I posted this thread for, the opinion you posted in the above quote runs contrary to what I am seeing out in the real world. yes many woman have their own money but I am finding that those women tend to be even MORE materialistic and have even greater expectations of how a man should be doing. as in "he should be doing as well as me or better".
Even in some of the suggestions women put into how I can make my house more welcoming terms like "for under 1K you can make a difference" as if I have an extra thousand bucks laying around in disposable funds at one time(I actually have way more than that saved in an emergence fund but that's for emergencies like hail damage, flood damage and the like and it took a very long time to save it).
I wish I knew, when I first got divorced I was loaded with confidence because dating was so easy for me before I was married(at 21), all I had to do was show up and be tall(6ft5 since I was 15). also the dark brooding thing was viewed as sexy by women in the late 80's early 90's. and back then I had the opposite problem, every woman I dated seemed to want to move in or exchange keys after 4 or 5 dates.
Below is me at that age.
it did not take my long to realize that the dating world had changed(and not for the better), at first I thought it was because I got fat in the years I was married(345-LBS) so I started working out like a fiend and lost 115-LBS in less than 5 months, but that did not help. In fact all it did was attract bored housewives with successful but Pillsbury doe-boy husbands or husbands that are never home because they are always workin !!! to provide that "keepin up with the joneses" lifestyle . And I don't do married women!!! Because I don't wanna be that guy.
right, women often complain about the same things in men(despite claims that not all women think alike).
But according to the most common complaints I should be what most women are looking for as I am the opposite of those complaints. and in threads where women are asked what they are looking for, I tend to have those things. when guys come on here complaining there are always women saying"I'm not like that!!!" and will give examples of why she is not.
But lets look at what we hear from women online based on what they say they want and what many of us guys face in real life(sometimes based on what they posted on their dating profiles I have read)
they say that they don't care if a man makes a lot of money as long as he can take care of himself, you meet said woman and you do take care of yourself, pay your bill's on time and have your own place,You think you met her requirements, but she points out your house is in a shady side of town or it's a shotgun house, or a trailer and you are broke because you never have any money to blow on going out and stuff etc etc.. Which contradicts the whole not expecting a man to make a lot of money because houses/apartments/condos in nicer neighborhoods, takes a lot of money, going out and doing the things most women I meet want to do takes a lot of money, at least way beyond what it takes to "take care of yourself" IE food ,shelter and basic necessities of life and not be a burden to sociaty.
(She did not put that shallow stuff in her profile....) At least shallow men tend to be super specific in the crap they look for with, lines like "no fatties" or listing specific ages they are seeking, That's a very crude way of putting things but at least you know REALLY what they are looking for.
Or women complain about men that don't spend enough time with them, because they are workaholics, like to hang with their buds all the time, etc etc.... then they meet a guy who has tons of free time in real life, and he soon get's dismissed as clingy or needy.
Women on these forums and in their dating profiles say they want a faithful man, in real life most of the time when a woman shows romantic interest in me(when I did not instigate) are during times I already have a girlfriend!!!!
And often this happens when the woman knows I have one or my GF is actually with me she just went to the restroom or something. and sometimes it was a woman I approached when I was single and she showed no interest then.
Women online complain about guys who are not dependable, who cancel dates because "something came up" they meet a dependable guy who is so happy to have her he would only cancel a date if blood , dismemberment and a hit&run driver was evolved in the reason and they call him ridged or inflexible.
That's the frustrating part, many of us guys on paper are everything women SAY they want, but when you get out there there real life contradicts what is said.
at least when shallow men say what they want, they mean it. I know plenty of shallow guys that stated what they want, and when they found it they stuck with it no matter what, in other words a few of them found the hottie they were looking for and she treats him like crap but he stays because she is hotter than what he can normally attract(stupid reason) and knows his chances of finding another is slim to none.
I think you're reflecting on a lot of different things combined and then coming up with some sort of result that gives you a negative attitude. It was easier when you were younger just for the simple fact that you were young. If you're in north Texas you're most likely observing and focusing on a lot of women in the Fort Worth - Dallas metros that are looking for men with above average wealth.
I can see it being hard there for some guys it's a red state with a lot of men running around that make a lot of money in the energy industry. Plus you're not near states that are much help either. OK, AR, and LA aren't exactly known for being amazing areas for older single men.
I would expand your horizons and try to talk to women in some different areas online such as New Orleans and southern Louisiana, Albuquerque, or look across the border and find a nice Mexican lady to talk to.
I think you're reflecting on a lot of different things combined and then coming up with some sort of result that gives you a negative attitude. It was easier when you were younger just for the simple fact that you were young. If you're in north Texas you're most likely observing and focusing on a lot of women in the Fort Worth - Dallas metros that are looking for men with above average wealth.
Actually I tend to go after women who tend to be more grunge/alternative, always have, tattoos, wild colored hair non typical style of dressing etc etc....
As those women in the past tended to be less materialistic than their preppy/yuppy counterparts. You know, the whole "fight the power" attitude? These days not so much, even the women in the alternative crowd have started to adopt the worst traits of the women in the yuppy/preppy crowd.
My guess it's because there is not as much of a stigma to looking and dressing outside of the norm so looking alternative is not really a sign that you actually think alternative. or it could be that the ones that are alternative have gone further away from traditional relationships also, because I run into too many women who are into the poly thing these days. I want a traditional relationship as far as monogamy, I just don't want a traditional work your self into an early grave slaving for the man life. that seems to be what it takes to be noticed here.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
Actually I tend to go after women who tend to be more grunge/alternative, always have, tattoos, wild colored hair non typical style of dressing etc etc....
As those women in the past tended to be less materialistic than their preppy/yuppy counterparts. You know, the whole "fight the power" attitude? These days not so much, even the women in the alternative crowd have started to adopt the worst traits of the women in the yuppy/preppy crowd.
My guess it's because there is not as much of a stigma to looking and dressing outside of the norm so looking alternative is not really a sign that you actually think alternative. or it could be that the ones that are alternativehave gone further away from traditional relationships also, because I run into too many women who are into the poly thing these days. I want a traditional relationship as far as monogamy, I just don't want a traditional work your self into an early grave slaving for the man life. that seems to be what it takes to be noticed here.
Re the bolded, this has almost always been the case. Even in the 80s hardcore/punk and goth scenes just because people were wearing the uniform didn't mean they were of the same mindset ideologically. This hasn't changed.
Re underlined, this I agree with you on. Most people I meet that I share political and cultural things with are poly, or in open marriages, or in some sort of ethical non monogamous situation. That is frustrating, but I believe in just making connections and hoping for the best. The best connection I've made in a couple of years is with a woman in an open marriage.
Also, probably been said, but having pics of you without sunglasses and smiling will probably help.
Yeah, I like good sex and I usually hate shopping (although the craft store, Michael's, gets me every time, and I enjoy a bit of thrift store digging now and again.)
Gotta say, when I was saying and doing poly, what I really meant was, "I really am not sure what I'm looking for, but I'm pretty sure I haven't found it yet. And until I know myself, and feel secure in my position in life, I am not trying to get too serious." I ended up happier in committed monogamy, but the guy I am doing that with had to wait out my healing phase and my poly phase for me to get there. His patience paid off.
Impatient men who want to just sign on the dotted line before I even know them, or they even know me, are scary as heck.
Putting the relationship structure you demand, ahead of the human being you just met, feels very much like putting the cart before the horse, in dating. I knew a guy who posted online that he was looking for "The One" and wanted a forever marriage, he wasn't messing around, he was the real deal! He had to offer: Money, security, stability, commitment in the form of marriage, a sure thing! Ladies ladies come one, come all! And the response was...*crickets*...and he could not figure out why. He was in his prime, fit, good looking, stable, owned a nice home... I told him that it seemed like a ton of pressure and expectations to put on a person you've never even met. Like, "Hi, I'm Joe, and here is the box I'm going to put you in!" Uh...no thanks...
And you've said you want a clingy woman, and you sound hella clingy yourself and while that is ok once you've established a loving relationship, it's really offputting if you come on too soon and too strong with that. Cyphorx, dude, you sound to me like a guy who needs to chill out, like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and this whole situation. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the vibe I have man.
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