Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 10-18-2017, 03:43 PM
 
1,568 posts, read 1,115,217 times
Reputation: 1676

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Re the bolded, this has almost always been the case. Even in the 80s hardcore/punk and goth scenes just because people were wearing the uniform didn't mean they were of the same mindset ideologically. This hasn't changed.
in a way it has, back then weekend punks were easy to spot as everything alt was temporary, spray on hair color, those nylon tattoo sleeves, etc etc... preppy/yuppy all week but punk, pinup, rockabilly, goth, biker or grunge on the weekend.


Quote:
Re underlined, this I agree with you on. Most people I meet that I share political and cultural things with are poly, or in open marriages, or in some sort of ethical non monogamous situation. That is frustrating, but I believe in just making connections and hoping for the best. The best connection I've made in a couple of years is with a woman in an open marriage.
My problem also, being that politically I'm just slightly to the right of karl marx, most women who I would align with politically usually would have different views on how a relationship should be structured, most women who agree with me on the rules of a romantic relationship tend to have right wing religious/political leanings or tend to have a materialistic "keeping up with the joneses" world view, or they aren't sexually compatible(once the honeymoon phase is over) and they think 1 - 3 times a week should do it.

And the ones I have been sexually compatible with tend to be the ones that have a hard time being faithful or behaving faithfully.


Quote:
Also, probably been said, but having pics of you without sunglasses and smiling will probably help.
One of the many reasons I miss the 90's, when the dark brooding persona was actually viewed by the ladies as sexy. when you could dress like a homeless and person have a large number of semi-attractive and attractive women who actually still wanted to date you.



But sadly these days dating has become a series of complex mating rituals that are much more difficult and confusing than they should be,

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-18-2017, 04:24 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,842,621 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
One of the many reasons I miss the 90's, when the dark brooding persona was actually viewed by the ladies as sexy. when you could dress like a homeless and person have a large number of semi-attractive and attractive women who actually still wanted to date you.

Brooding is one thing, angry is another, and even in the Chicago WaxTrax or Touch and Go Scenes, or the NY CBGBs scene, or the Olympia Riot Girl punk scene, or the Sub Pop PNW scene, looking like you're homeless never ever helped.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2017, 04:39 PM
 
1,568 posts, read 1,115,217 times
Reputation: 1676
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Brooding is one thing, angry is another, and even in the Chicago WaxTrax or Touch and Go Scenes, or the NY CBGBs scene, or the Olympia Riot Girl punk scene, or the Sub Pop PNW scene, looking like you're homeless never ever helped.
Lol that was an exaggeration. I meant that ripped jeans stitched back together, flannel over sized shirts, boots made to look ruffed up on purpose etc etc.... by today's standards that looks homeless even though then it was basically a middle finger to the polo shirt, crease in the pants crowd. I'm not referring to the smelly last nights dumpster meal on your shirt look.

And I like angry women, as long as it's not me they are angry at.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2017, 04:42 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,842,621 times
Reputation: 40634
People that are truly angry inside almost always have some depression, and generally are quite incapable of healthy relationships. I know it all too well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2017, 05:03 PM
 
1,568 posts, read 1,115,217 times
Reputation: 1676
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
People that are truly angry inside almost always have some depression, and generally are quite incapable of healthy relationships. I know it all too well.
There is a difference between internal anger and reactive anger.
though I always looked angry(angry rest face) it was not until much later in life that I actually became angry, and if you look around there is a lot of unfairness in the world because of greed, materialism and a classist structure that little can be done about so if one is not at least a little depressed they are not paying attention.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2017, 05:35 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,842,621 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
There is a difference between internal anger and reactive anger.
though I always looked angry(angry rest face) it was not until much later in life that I actually became angry, and if you look around there is a lot of unfairness in the world because of greed, materialism and a classist structure that little can be done about so if one is not at least a little depressed they are not paying attention.

This is the classic cry of depression. Again, I know it all too well. All through my 20s. "If you're not angry, you're not paying attention", "Life isn't fair, you should be p*ssed", "positive people aren't paying attention to what is really going on, or they're not seeing it... they're naive", blah blah. I wasn't a glass half full guy, I was like, "the glass isn't half full, it isn't even half empty!, the glass is only 48% full, the man is skimming off the top!". That's the depression speaking. It was my language. I know it well. I was incapable of healthy relationships because of it.

One can, if they choose to, not only be concerned with, and work toward changing, social/economic/environmental injustices and be fully aware of them, AND choose to be positive and happy. It is absolutely possible with enough work.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2017, 09:47 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,662,335 times
Reputation: 54735
OP, you seem to be living: A) 25 years in the past and B) inside a Sims game. Until you get out of your bubble and start meeting and interacting with real people in the daylight, regularly, you will continue to suffer the interpersonal problems of every other hermit or hikikomori.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2017, 10:36 PM
 
1,568 posts, read 1,115,217 times
Reputation: 1676
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
OP, you seem to be living: A) 25 years in the past and B) inside a Sims game. Until you get out of your bubble and start meeting and interacting with real people in the daylight, regularly, you will continue to suffer the interpersonal problems of every other hermit or hikikomori.
Outside a lot of cool tech that has been invented the future does not seem better yes some things are definitely better but what you have to go through to start, form and maintain a relationship is not, and yes I like 3-D animation, it's a hobby, I like making videos and images to express thoughts and feelings, no need to attack that.

And I have no wish to meet and interact with people, people are unstable and unpredictable I get very little from relationships with people, I want to meet a person, over time you can learn a persons likes, patterns, motivations and what about myself makes that person happy so I can intensify that aspect that was/is already there and vica versa. I have learned that trying to be more social to meet people backfires because they usually still expect you to be social after you have met them.

I see in other forums all the time where a woman is complaining that AFTER she moved in with or married a man he stopped wanting to go out and do anything with her.

Often that is because he never really like going out and about but was told(much like me) that going through the tedium of dealing with social settings was the only way he would ever meet anyone, so he was only actively doing those things in hopes of meeting someone, so now it's "mission accomplished".

To some of us going to a bar or nightclub with your girlfriend is like bringing your weights from home to the gym(you bought the weights so you did not have to go to the gym anymore in the first place).

It's like "I got a lifetime supply of steak at home why do you want us go to the place(or similar to) I used to get my burgers"?

Why is it so bad to want a happy life and relationship while avoiding the complications that are out there.?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2017, 10:49 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
Reputation: 53067
Quote:
Originally Posted by Runninglikethieves View Post
I've heard others say they didn't feel like it was ''Home'' when they moved into their partners pre-existing home.
This is very true. When I moved into the house my husband had lived in for ten years, it certainly didn't feel like my home, though he was the utmost in welcoming.

Shortly after I moved in and we got engaged, my husband got military orders. We moved and lived in (very nice, very new) base housing for a year. That time showed my husband how important a fresh start in a house that is "ours" is. When we did return after those orders, we started looking for a new home pretty much right away to start our family. Getting pregnant, and his house becoming rapidly too small for our impending family size, made it a foregone conclusion. We both love that our home is "our" home, not his bachelor pad that I moved into. It's our home for the long haul.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-19-2017, 12:59 AM
 
1,568 posts, read 1,115,217 times
Reputation: 1676
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
This is very true. When I moved into the house my husband had lived in for ten years, it certainly didn't feel like my home, though he was the utmost in welcoming.

Shortly after I moved in and we got engaged, my husband got military orders. We moved and lived in (very nice, very new) base housing for a year. That time showed my husband how important a fresh start in a house that is "ours" is. When we did return after those orders, we started looking for a new home pretty much right away to start our family. Getting pregnant, and his house becoming rapidly too small for our impending family size, made it a foregone conclusion. We both love that our home is "our" home, not his bachelor pad that I moved into. It's our home for the long haul.
I don't see myself doing that unless we both owned homes and were able to sell our homes for enough to buy a new one outright.

Having a mortgage was very stressful to me(it's not yours until the last payment). When my house was finally paid for it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, I was always stressed that if my work situation ever changed or things got tight I would be out on the street, now all I really have to worry about is taxes at the end of the year and that's usually only $500 - 600 every year. I usually put $40 or 50 out of every paycheck into a prepaid card to pay that and usually have a lot left over(for the next year) because sometimes my taxes jump one year my taxes were $2,000 because a bunch of new homes were built a few blocks away temporarily raising our property values . when I first moved here the taxes were even cheaper on average but some people moved onto my street and renovated their homes(that were previously sitting empty and boarded up) with fancy siding on one and bricks on the other and thus the rest of the street had to start paying higher taxes once the city appraisers went driving up and down the street the following year. it really sucked.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:11 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top