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So I met this beautiful and nice girl a few days ago and we started chatting for several hours every day since. It was really flirtatious at first and was heading more into the direction of a ONS (One-Night Stand) but started becoming more intimate. Problem is, I said I don't want just want a ONS and then it's over, to which she replied she does like me but she doesn't want to hurt me because she can't maintain relationships (neither romantic nor friends).
Turns out she has SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) and hasn't really left the house (except for shopping etc) for the past few years. She also gives online private lessons to high school students because of her SAD.
I really do like her and want to help her at least, but she said there are just some people that like being alone for the rest of their lives more than being with others.
I have no doubts that she does indeed like me, but when we thought about what we are going to do the next time we meet in person she said that she doesn't want it to be as friends nor as a date (so basically a sexual relationship only).
So should Í just accept that (because there's nothing I can do to help a person who doesn't want any help) and move on or keep trying to convince her that she doesn't have to be alone for the rest of her life?
P.S I have no experience with SAD so far and didn't believe it to be an actual disorder you often can't fight.
So I met this beautiful and nice girl a few days ago and we started chatting for several hours every day since. It was really flirtatious at first and was heading more into the direction of a ONS (One-Night Stand) but started becoming more intimate. Problem is, I said I don't want just want a ONS and then it's over, to which she replied she does like me but she doesn't want to hurt me because she can't maintain relationships (neither romantic nor friends).
Turns out she has SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) and hasn't really left the house (except for shopping etc) for the past few years. She also gives online private lessons to high school students because of her SAD.
I really do like her and want to help her at least, but she said there are just some people that like being alone for the rest of their lives more than being with others.
I have no doubts that she does indeed like me, but when we thought about what we are going to do the next time we meet in person she said that she doesn't want it to be as friends nor as a date (so basically a sexual relationship only).
So should Í just accept that (because there's nothing I can do to help a person who doesn't want any help) and move on or keep trying to convince her that she doesn't have to be alone for the rest of her life?
P.S I have no experience with SAD so far and didn't believe it to be an actual disorder you often can't fight.
If her anxiety is that bad, pursuing a relationship is not a good idea. She needs professional help and no matter how much of a decent or nice man you are, you cannot help her. If you want a relationship, I don't think sleeping w/her is the best idea.
If her anxiety is that bad, pursuing a relationship is not a good idea. She needs professional help and no matter how much of a decent or nice man you are, you cannot help her. If you want a relationship, I don't think sleeping w/her is the best idea.
Thanks for the reply!
Yes, I came to the same conclusion, but I just can't forget her/move on. I don't necessarily want to be in a romantic relationship with her, so I thought being friends might work out. Sadly, she is strictly against having friends and wants to see me as a "guy she talks with for fun and out of boredom (which in my opinion actually is a loose definition of a friend)
That’s sad. I guess she’s so entrenched in her condition that she’s convinced things won’t change.
It’s up to you. Wouldn’t hurt to talk about it, but don’t try to save her.
Thank you, too, for the reply.
We have talked a LOT about it and I have come up with a possible solution (as mentioned above I'm just unable to move on):
Get to know her even better and gradually convince her she should give relationships (be it as friends or couple) another chance by being my best possible self. This could obviously backfire or just not work at all but I'm out of options...
Social anxiety can be successfully treated...has she sought professional help?
Typically, therapy & anti-depressants work well...
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuntoryBoss154
This is kind of complicated but here we go:
So I met this beautiful and nice girl a few days ago and we started chatting for several hours every day since. It was really flirtatious at first and was heading more into the direction of a ONS (One-Night Stand) but started becoming more intimate. Problem is, I said I don't want just want a ONS and then it's over, to which she replied she does like me but she doesn't want to hurt me because she can't maintain relationships (neither romantic nor friends).
Turns out she has SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) and hasn't really left the house (except for shopping etc) for the past few years. She also gives online private lessons to high school students because of her SAD.
I really do like her and want to help her at least, but she said there are just some people that like being alone for the rest of their lives more than being with others.
I have no doubts that she does indeed like me, but when we thought about what we are going to do the next time we meet in person she said that she doesn't want it to be as friends nor as a date (so basically a sexual relationship only).
So should Í just accept that (because there's nothing I can do to help a person who doesn't want any help) and move on or keep trying to convince her that she doesn't have to be alone for the rest of her life?
P.S I have no experience with SAD so far and didn't believe it to be an actual disorder you often can't fight.
So should Í just accept that (because there's nothing I can do to help a person who doesn't want any help) and move on or keep trying to convince her that she doesn't have to be alone for the rest of her life?
Should you listen and accept the words that are coming out of her mouth? Absolutely.
You don't start a relationship with the intention of "fixing" someone.
I suffer from social anxiety. Doesn't sound as bad as hers but there are times where it's very difficult for me to be around people. Deep down I do like people and really want to have friends so I make it work even if I'm suffering on the inside. I don't always suffer so those times are worth it. I know I can't just be around people when it's convenient for me and disappear when I want.. because if I let myself disappear no one will hear from me again. It is easier to just be by yourself when you suffer from this disorder. It's usually accompanied by depression. I also suffer from attachment issues so I could relate when I read that she says she can't keep relations. She can but she has probably figured it's way too much work than it's worth. In that case, you can't force it.
Unfortunately she has been clear and you are not paying attention. She doesn't want a relationship or someone to fix her. It is her life so respect her boundaries by moving on. She is not interested and has tried being polite about it.
Unfortunately she has been clear and you are not paying attention. She doesn't want a relationship or someone to fix her. It is her life so respect her boundaries by moving on. She is not interested and has tried being polite about it.
I agree completely.
How did you meet her, OP?
Have you met in person?
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