Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yes that same guy. HE also pressured me to invite him over to my place in this midst of this conversation about sex. Strange. He's like, "It would be nice, if you invited me over." I'm thinking, "I invite people to my place when I am ready." Plus I have a studio apartment with no couch--so the only place for anything intimate is the bed. I was definitely not ready for this guy to be in my bed.
Regardless of the reason for the awkwardness, it also further confirmed to me that he is pushy and doesn't really care about my preferences. I think he will probably end it because we left it at, 'not sure this is workable.' It confirmed to me that we just aren't compatible on any level and it's not workable. To be honest I just wanted the weird conversation to end for the day because he seriously was repeating himself for over an hour as if I hadn't heard what he said when I countered it with my own perspective. It also confirmed to me that the reason he was pushing me for 'exclusive but not serious' exclusivity was because he wants the physical end to escalate without a commitment to a relationship, particularly when he hasn't put in a ton of effort to win me over. Not doing that ish.
Last edited by Inacitysomewhere; 10-07-2017 at 06:54 PM..
I thought you already decided not to see him.... why would you go through this?
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I thought you already decided not to see him.... why would you go through this?
I did, I met up with him today. I was planning on having the we are not compatible conversation with him and then he brought this up first which was so wierd. And further confirms that he is pushy and can be manipulative. By the end of the monologue I just wanted to leave as soon as possible. It was literally him talkimg about himself for over an hour.
Especially after he asked me to ""summarize" what he said. That felt patronizing. I don't think he'll be in touch so I don't think it matters.
Most men (and very likely women) are probably not going to wait 5+ months before taking things to a physical level, especially if that's meant to come after deciding to be committed and exclusive. Sexual compatibility/chemistry is an important part of relationship compatibility, and it's not uncommon to assess for sexual compatibility before 5 months of dating. Wanting commitment and exclusivity before even getting to foreplay!? Yeah, you're going to have a tough time finding guys who will date you for months and commit before even getting to heavy petting.
"You wouldn't be just another notch on my belt"
"This (the physical intimacy) is serious for me, it's not something I would talk about with just anybody"
"I want more physical intimacy to see if we could sustain a real relationship"
"I keep getting these emails from the dating site and I don't want to go back online, but..."
"We wouldn't have to go all the way but you know...maybe shower together?"
"I'm not comfortable talking about this but you're the exception"
"An objective third party would be asking where things were by now and that this isn't too fast..."
etc etc.
Am I wrong to think this is pressure to sleep with him, even if he says it isn't? Or is this just a person wanting their physical needs met in the context of a relationship?
He's clearly not adept at the art of seduction.
There's nothing wrong with you waiting for sex, but there's also nothing wrong with him wanting it either. Women (usually) want a reasonably firm commitment before offering sex. Now, the definition of "reasonably firm" differs considerably from person to person. Men (usually) don't want to commit until they see you naked. That's how we are wired. Men operate from a position of scarcity when it comes to sex because it's not always easily attainable. Women operate from a position of scarcity when it comes to LTR's because those aren't always easily attainable from their perspective. Women also have a significant burden should they become pregnant by a man with no long-term interest in her or the child...outside of any child support payments.
Most men (and very likely women) are probably not going to wait 5+ months before taking things to a physical level, especially if that's meant to come after deciding to be committed and exclusive. Sexual compatibility/chemistry is an important part of relationship compatibility, and it's not uncommon to assess for sexual compatibility before 5 months of dating. Wanting commitment and exclusivity before even getting to foreplay!? Yeah, you're going to have a tough time finding guys who will date you for months and commit before even getting to heavy petting.
Well that's what I don't get either. There are plenty of people posting here who say "good for you, OP, take your time". No one is intending to give you a hard time about how long it takes you to feel you trust whatever guy.
But- how are you really feeling about telling a potential LTR he is free to see other people? What if he's getting physical with other people while you decide if you trust him yet? Trust what? You're the one who said you don't want to be exclusive...what if during your 5 months one guy sticks with you and then meets someone since you're not exclusive and you get hurt that way? You're finally ready but he left bc you don't care if he's exclusive, and he met someone along the way. What if after 5 months you're ready and the sex is awful, he does things that are just a 'no go'...do you just say, "sorry it took me 5 months to find out, you can go now"...and start a new 5 months all over again?
I know you can't know the answer to all of this, but since you're self described as over analytical, AND not wanting to waste time, what are your thoughts?
Most men (and very likely women) are probably not going to wait 5+ months before taking things to a physical level, especially if that's meant to come after deciding to be committed and exclusive. Sexual compatibility/chemistry is an important part of relationship compatibility, and it's not uncommon to assess for sexual compatibility before 5 months of dating. Wanting commitment and exclusivity before even getting to foreplay!? Yeah, you're going to have a tough time finding guys who will date you for months and commit before even getting to heavy petting.
It wasnt five plus months of dating. It wasn't even three. I am not a prude, but I have to have some level of feelings and trust there before getting to that level of intimacy. With this guy, we saw each other once a week and the first date is a meet and greet. He didn't communicate much at all between dates so I didn't feel as if I knew him particularly well.
It is the pushiness that bothered me more than him asking about it. In addition, the last date we went on, he said he didn't want to French kiss because it was "high on his intimacy scale." Which obviously was just another manipulation since he clearly didn't mean it.
Of course sexual compatibility is imoortant. I actually have a high sex drive but it also opens up a deeper level of feelings for me. I'm not sure why people feel the need to jump in to bed the first few dates. Not that that is wrong, oer se, but it is just not something I can do that quickly.
Run the other way, or you will more than likely, be raising a kid by yourself. He's not the one to be in for the long haul.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
