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This is going to be a long post but I appreciate all comments!
I am a boy, 18 years old and I have been with the same girl for over 3,5 years now. Both our first relationship. Together we went through a lot of rough times, including her cheating with another boy.
And I feel this is still a, or maybe even the main problem in our relationship. She cheated on me 1,5 year ago and we decided to work on it, move on and now we’re still together. So this worked, but ever since she cheated on me she always has a weird feeling when being around other boys, she doesn’t feel comfortable. She always has a feeling that if someone sees her with a normal boy, she is caught or something. So with other words, she can’t get over her own fault.
A few days ago I made a stupid joke about her cheating with this dude and this really got her upset. Don’t get me wrong, I never think about the accident and I completely trust her now so I can joke about it for my feeling, but because I made this joke she thinks I don’t trust her and now she thinks it’s just not working out because I still think about the accident of 1,5 years ago.
This morning she texted me and she is thinking to break up with me because she has a feeling the relationship isn’t working out and that we can’t get over the cheating incident.
Tonight she is coming over to talk with me and she most likely wants to break up with me because it’s not working out..
And 1 last thing.. I got a dilemma. I really love her and I don’t want to break up with her because I don’t know where I would be without her but maybe it’s also a good thing because she had a really rough youth, and because of that she never learned how to openly speak about her problems and feelings, so she always hides how she truly feels and whenever it’s too much she spits it all out and then she wants to break up. She doesn’t talk about her feelings, only when it’s (almost) too late.
But I really love her and we can have so much fun together, it feels like we’re made for each other despite being 18 years old. The only problem for me is that she doesn’t talk much about her feelings and a relationship with no communication is not good, and her problem is that she cheated, she things the relationship can’t work after that mistake.. We have times when there is no problem and we have a really good time but there are also these times..
The only problem for me is that she doesn’t talk much about her feelings and a relationship with no communication is not good, and her problem is that she cheated, she things the relationship can’t work after that mistake..
These ^^ are huge foundational issues that doom this relationship from the start.
I know it's hard to think about letting go, but it sounds like it's necessary. You may end up dating again when you are older and have learned more about love, emotional boundaries, and honesty.
Right now you need to separate so you can continue that maturing and learning process.
Relationships can work after a cheating episode but it takes very mature people for that to happen.
Check it out man. You're 18. She's 18. If she wants to break up with you then tell her you're good with it. Let her go do her thing you do yours. Don't try to chase her. Hey I remember my first break up. I was devastated and I thought the world is ending. Then I met another girl, and then another girl and another. Then I realized that the second girl I met wasn't as good as the first , better than the third but none were anywhere near as good as the fourth one. The fifth one pretty much made me forget about the first four.
I know right now that it seems your world is ending. Trust me it's nowhere near that. While it's tough to break up, my suggestion is to be cool. let her say her piece as to why and then tell her that it's good she's talking about her feelings and needs. Don't try the I'll be there waiting for you forever, or if you leave I'll die inside. You're not doing either of those things. If anything you'll grow mentally and move on. If anything let her go and do her thing and you do yours. Dude there are hundreds of girls out there all looking for a guy. You don't need a gf.
First breaks ups/loves are always hard but things do get better. Every relationship is a learning process. They help you grow and learn about what you like in another person. In the end you will be better suited for the person who is truly right for you.
And I feel this is still a, or maybe even the main problem in our relationship. She cheated on me 1,5 year ago and we decided to work on it, move on and now we’re still together. So this worked, but ever since she cheated on me she always has a weird feeling when being around other boys, she doesn’t feel comfortable. She always has a feeling that if someone sees her with a normal boy, she is caught or something. So with other words, she can’t get over her own fault.
A few days ago I made a stupid joke about her cheating with this dude and this really got her upset. Don’t get me wrong, I never think about the accident and I completely trust her now so I can joke about it for my feeling, but because I made this joke she thinks I don’t trust her and now she thinks it’s just not working out because I still think about the accident of 1,5 years ago.
So...knowing that she feels HORRIBLY guilty about what happened, you put the cheating back in her face. IMO, it's little wonder that she doesn't communicate with you. It sounds like you use her words against her, and you HAVEN'T really gotten over it or moved on.
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