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I have been dating this guy for few months and things are pretty good, except that today I had enough.
He is a good guy. We talk daily and go out whenever we can. However, i am very busy and can't do things that require the entire day time. Finally in August, I had a break from school and he asked me to do something in the city. I said yes. When the day came (I actually spend the night at his house and in the morning he told me, he had plans to watch mayweather vs mcgregor match with his brother and friends. I was hurt but didn't say anything and he obviously forgot that we talked about spending the day in the city and doing something fun. As a UFC fan - this was the most anticipated UFC fight for the whole year, so you may excuse this.
Recently, it was my bday and I told my friends that on the actual day, I am having dinnner with my bf and they can see me any other day. He took me out for my bday and we enjoyed nice dinner.
His bday is this week and he is spending the day at his parents house (he also has a twin brother), so I am taking him out the following day.
This morning, I told him, I have a week break from school around the 21st and I will take a day off from work to go hiking. He said he would like to join me. I checked the weather and it was all perfect. 10 minutes later he texted me he just realized has plans for the 21st, his friend has a bonfire that night but we can go another day. I told him that the following week I will probably be busy with school again. Then, I told him, my guy friend can go with me on Sunday (I also work Sunday but can take Sunday off).
He texted "ok, can't wait to see you this Thursday."
I texted him that we were done. I am mad because every single Saturday he is home, he usually works on his house. Sunday he spends with his parents and I never even thought of asking him to go with me on Sunday. He also works Monday to Friday (I only work Sat and Sunday and I still offered to take Saturday off, despite the fact that I really need money)
I just feel I have to work around his schedule a lot. Was it too much to expect him to cancel bonfire thing?
Btw. he just texted asking if he could call me tonight to talk. Also he asked what I want him to do. I replied that I don't spend enough time with him and that is not what I want.
YOU are the one with the odd working days. And you only work two days a week. Of course you should work around his schedule then if you work when every one else is off.
Anyway, like I said before, you two (both) don't sound like you are madly in love. Also, why can't he go to the bonfire at night and hike during the day??
YOU are the one with the odd working days. And you only work two days a week. Of course you should work around his schedule then if you work when every one else is off.
Anyway, like I said before, you two (both) don't sound like you are madly in love. Also, why can't he go to the bonfire at night and hike during the day??
So I work 7 days a week and I have the time to see him, but he is the one who is busy and I have to work around his schedule? By work I mean school plus work.
Don't get it.....you stated that you are busy too, so BOTH of you end up working around each other's schedules. The trouble seems to be that neither of you can decide how to prioritize the relationship. Its either more important or less important. Until you can agree, its not going to work.
I think I am prioritizing relationship. I put my friends second and went out with him for my bday dinner. I have a break coming I invited him to go with me.
He, on the other hand, is going to spend his bday with the family (but ok, it is also his twin brother's bday) and he said he couldn't make it for hiking because he already has plans.
And what particularly makes me mad is that every Saturday is almost the same. I wake up, he texts me asking what I am up to. I usually reply just lazy morning, getting ready for work. And he is usually cleaning the house, working on the bathroom, fixing the car. Maybe once or twice he went out to see a concert but 95% of the time that is his Sat. So, I picked Sat to go hiking because (even if I will be off the entire week Mon to Fri, he has to work). Also, he goes to his parents' house on Sunday and I was afraid he would pick that over hiking.
Sounds like you have a busy schedule and he has to work around your schedule as much as you have to work around his, and your two schedules do not align well. That doesn't make anyone the bad guy.
But more importantly, it sounds like you two view this relationship in different terms. He sees it as a casual dating one where you two are not close enough to bring you along in his other activities, i.e. hanging with friends or going to his parent's house. You seem to view it as something more.
Sounds like you have a busy schedule and he has to work around your schedukle as much as you have to work around his, and your two schedules do not align well. That doesn't make anyone the bad guy.
But more importantly, it sounds like you two view this relationship in different terms. He sees it as a casual dating one where you two are not close enough to bring you along in his other activities, i.e. hanging with friends or going to his parent's house. You seem to view it as something more.
That I am confused about. I met his twin brother (they live together) and he invited me over when his other brother was there (but I couldn't go). He also visited his friend in NY and told him about me. Also, his parents know about me and his grandma asked to see my picture.
He also invited me to join him at the bar when he was hanging out with friends (a couple). I was tired and he said "Ok, maybe we can do a double date next time," So, on one hand, he is not vague, he compliments me a lot, he tells me he wants our relationship to work out, he schedules dates regularly and pays for them. he even talks about the trips we can take together, once I graduate in few months.
On the other hand, he can't even make it to the city or go hiking with me.
How much warning are you giving him for scheduling? If you want him at the last second I can understand him having other plans. If you give him a week's notice, the two of you should be able to work something out.
With your schedule, you need a guy who is happy to see you infrequently, but it rather seems that he doesn't care much whether he sees you or not.
I don't understand the bonfire thing. Go for a hike closer to home, or go to the zoo, or something, and both of you be there for the bonfire. Unless, of course, he had already asked another woman to go to the bonfire with him. I have never heard of a bonfire that was men only.
How much warning are you giving him for scheduling? If you want him at the last second I can understand him having other plans. If you give him a week's notice, the two of you should be able to work something out.
With your schedule, you need a guy who is happy to see you infrequently, but it rather seems that he doesn't care much whether he sees you or not.
I don't understand the bonfire thing. Go for a hike closer to home, or go to the zoo, or something, and both of you be there for the bonfire. Unless, of course, he had already asked another woman to go to the bonfire with him. I have never heard of a bonfire that was men only.
It is not men only, he just informed me he will be going to his friend's house on that particular date and suggested we go hiking another day. I don't want to ask for a day off to just go to some local place for few hours. I need to get away from the city. And the 21st of October is in two weeks.
As for scheduling, well he forgot our plans on the day he watched the match and he was the one that came up with the idea. He said something like "Don't you have a little break between the semester, we should do something." And I agreed. That was 3 weeks before the actual break and then he brought it up again on Tuesday evening and we agreed on Saturday to go to the city. Then we spent Friday night together and in the morning, he informed me about his plans for the day.
As for scheduling, well he forgot our plans on the day he watched the match and he was the one that came up with the idea. He said something like "Don't you have a little break between the semester, we should do something." And I agreed. That was 3 weeks before the actual break and then he brought it up again on Tuesday evening and we agreed on Saturday to go to the city. Then we spent Friday night together and in the morning, he informed me about his plans for the day.
This is weird, OP. This is the story that stood out the most, for me. This seems to communicate that you're not a priority, more like an afterthought, or something. It's strange. But then there was another occasion, when you took a day off from work, just to see him, but something went wrong with those plans, too? Did I get that right?
I would give up after so many misfires. I guess you do see him occasionally during the week, after (his) work? It's just the dates where you're trying to arrange for a whole day together that tend not to work out. That's still odd. You take a day off work, which is a very rare occurrence, I take it, but it turns out he prefers to attend his friend's event? I agree with you; I'd probably feel like chopped liver. Sure the bonfire was a prior commitment, but is it really that important, compared to the opportunity to spend all day out in nature with one's gf? IDK.....
This is weird, OP. This is the story that stood out the most, for me. This seems to communicate that you're not a priority, more like an afterthought, or something. It's strange. But then there was another occasion, when you took a day off from work, just to see him, but something went wrong with those plans, too? Did I get that right?
I would give up after so many misfires. I guess you do see him occasionally during the week, after (his) work? It's just the dates where you're trying to arrange for a whole day together that tend not to work out. That's still odd.
Exactly Ruth. An yeah, few weeks ago, we had plans to meet around 8pm on Sunday, when he gets back from his parents house and I get off from work. Around 7pm, my boss asked me to stay longer for extra money but I told him I had plans. 15min later my bf texted he hadn't left his parents house and if we could meet on Monday instead.
But other than that he is good. for my bday, he took me to one of the most expensive restaurants and made sure I had a good time. But I get that vibe too (it is only now not before) that he doesn't care if we see each other every or every two weeks (and we live 10 min drive from each other).
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