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Not knowing when to bring up various topics (to find out more about the person).
Dating is supposed to be a way to learn about the other person. I find it difficult to judge when to bring things up. For example, if a man tells me on the first date that he's divorced and doesn't want to get remarried, is that an okay time to also bring up the obvious question, so what's he looking for then? A hook up? Companionship with benefits? LTR and potential live in or marriage? Or other? Because if I don't bring it up then, then when do I bring it up? If we are out on a date having fun, it's difficult to bring up serious topics. And how soon is it okay to bring up intimate information or serious hangups or handicaps? I've read some people say the first date, others say when you know the person better, but in order to know the person better, it's often necessary to ask pointed questions. Yet I don't want to make the other person feel cornered if he isn't ready to discuss it either. My sister asked me, "did you find out why he got divorced?" and I said no, it was OUR FIRST DATE! and she seemed appalled by that. So how is a person supposed to know when to discuss certain topics?
Not knowing when to bring up various topics (to find out more about the person).
Dating is supposed to be a way to learn about the other person. I find it difficult to judge when to bring things up. For example, if a man tells me on the first date that he's divorced and doesn't want to get remarried, is that an okay time to also bring up the obvious question, so what's he looking for then? A hook up? Companionship with benefits? LTR and potential live in or marriage? Or other? Because if I don't bring it up then, then when do I bring it up? If we are out on a date having fun, it's difficult to bring up serious topics. And how soon is it okay to bring up intimate information or serious hangups or handicaps? I've read some people say the first date, others say when you know the person better, but in order to know the person better, it's often necessary to ask pointed questions. Yet I don't want to make the other person feel cornered if he isn't ready to discuss it either. My sister asked me, "did you find out why he got divorced?" and I said no, it was OUR FIRST DATE! and she seemed appalled by that. So how is a person supposed to know when to discuss certain topics?
Why would you be concerned about finding out life's basics? If he feels cornered, then he would be either an insecure person or a player. I have had MANY people ask me my marital status and what I am looking for on the first date.
The moment I realize I wasted my time with a liar and/or he isn't what/who he said he is. I am guilty of looking for red flags but I always find them, soooo ......???!!!
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
The moment I realize I wasted my time with a liar and/or he isn't what/who he said he is. I am guilty of looking for red flags but I always find them, soooo ......???!!!
Stop looking?
I dunno. I don't really believe in the red flag thing, personally.
That's not hard at all. Usually I just say "It was great meeting you, I just didn't quite connect."
That's not "polite"; that's insulting! Nowadays, every man knows that "I didn't feel a connection" is code for "I didn't find you attractive". Or more precisely, "You don't excite me at all! Sit back and wait until I'm done partying. I'll settle down with you afterwards; you seem like a stable man." Of course, as social norms dictate, men will usually nod and say "OK", but they know what's what.
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