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Old 10-13-2017, 04:05 PM
 
5,312 posts, read 6,088,307 times
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When you have a friend of the opposite sex you usually get along well and have a connection with that person have similliar interests etc

What makes a person who you connect with a potential person you could have a relationship with and not the friend?

Is it a lack of physical attraction? Something else? Both?
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Old 10-13-2017, 04:23 PM
 
9,865 posts, read 14,056,825 times
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Only thing I can really think of is their relationship status. If they are married or in a relationship, I would obviously never consider them. I don't think there is any other specific thing for me.

Now, there are many traits I wouldn't tolerate in a a romantic relationship; but I also wouldn't tolerate those traits in a friendship.
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Old 10-13-2017, 04:30 PM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
5,573 posts, read 3,334,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
When you have a friend of the opposite sex you usually get along well and have a connection with that person have similliar interests etc

What makes a person who you connect with a potential person you could have a relationship with and not the friend?

Is it a lack of physical attraction? Something else? Both?
Not a lady (oozing masculinity, in fact ) but are you going to believe any lady who says that a lack of belief in himself will most likely kill any sexual attraction sooner or later?

I really hope you can let go of this story you keep telling yourself. There's an element of truth to your story, but only in the very broad terms that you tell it. Being great looking has advantages. Being a bit better looking than average, whatever that means, is probably an advantage compared to being a bit below average looking. I'll concede that maybe you're in that last category, but I'll also add that that comparing stuff will kick you emotional a$$ every time. Moving on.

What's not true about your story is that you're SOL due to your looks. It will be harder for you than it is for some to find women who appeal to you and who also find you attractive. That's something of a challenge for most people, but I think we sell people's challenges short with comments like "everyone faces challenges" because while that's true, it's an incomplete truth. Some challenges are more, well, challenging than others. But whatever challenges you may or may not face, you don't need to be good looking so much as you need to look good to a woman you find attractive. There are lots of ways to do that, and you're not even trying, and worse yet you're holding yourself back by constantly knocking your looks. It doesn't matter that you don't do that out in the world; your beliefs about yourself can't be masked entirely.

Please try a different approach.
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Old 10-13-2017, 04:37 PM
 
1,519 posts, read 1,329,503 times
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Electricity/spark whatever you want to call it,nothing else.
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Old 10-13-2017, 04:42 PM
 
212 posts, read 158,987 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
Not a lady (oozing masculinity, in fact ) but are you going to believe any lady who says that a lack of belief in himself will most likely kill any sexual attraction sooner or later?

I really hope you can let go of this story you keep telling yourself. There's an element of truth to your story, but only in the very broad terms that you tell it. Being great looking has advantages. Being a bit better looking than average, whatever that means, is probably an advantage compared to being a bit below average looking. I'll concede that maybe you're in that last category, but I'll also add that that comparing stuff will kick you emotional a$$ every time. Moving on.

What's not true about your story is that you're SOL due to your looks. It will be harder for you than it is for some to find women who appeal to you and who also find you attractive. That's something of a challenge for most people, but I think we sell people's challenges short with comments like "everyone faces challenges" because while that's true, it's an incomplete truth. Some challenges are more, well, challenging than others. But whatever challenges you may or may not face, you don't need to be good looking so much as you need to look good to a woman you find attractive. There are lots of ways to do that, and you're not even trying, and worse yet you're holding yourself back by constantly knocking your looks. It doesn't matter that you don't do that out in the world; your beliefs about yourself can't be masked entirely.

Please try a different approach.
I don't think the op is gay.
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Old 10-13-2017, 04:58 PM
 
1,178 posts, read 683,336 times
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Intellectual connection at a deeper level
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Old 10-13-2017, 05:04 PM
 
21,108 posts, read 13,488,929 times
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Lack of attraction, sure. But I've 'friend-zoned' many men for other reasons. Seen that they are bad boyfriends/cheaters/etc. or any type of trait that I don't find desirable in a mate.
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Old 10-13-2017, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville
2,822 posts, read 1,921,155 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Screami View Post
I don't think the op is gay.
Where did you get anything out of that post, that implied the OP was gay?

That was a great post Homina12, wish I could rep you again!
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Old 10-13-2017, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
17,158 posts, read 56,898,950 times
Reputation: 18462
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
When you have a friend of the opposite sex you usually get along well and have a connection with that person have similliar interests etc

What makes a person who you connect with a potential person you could have a relationship with and not the friend?

Is it a lack of physical attraction? Something else? Both?
I think I have pointed this out to you before, but, any guy who does not have a truly hideous face, or significant physical deformities, can, by hitting the gym, by gaining self-confidence that the gym will to some extent support, optimizing his physiognomy with haircut, and facial hair, and getting at least a few decent looking cloths, almost certainly be a "7" or "8" on most women's "10" scale.

So, unless you are really a clone of Quasimodo, get busy fixing the things you can fix, which is most of it, and you will find "the women come a-runnin' just as fast as they can".

Guys who are currently not cracking the "5" barrier actually have it easier than gals where this is true. A gal with a homely face can do whatever, but most guys won't want to date her. Much of a woman's appeal, at least to me, is pretty much hard wired in her genes. That ain't fair, but, life ain't fair.

Look at Arnold. I think I have brought him up to you previously too. Look at pictures of him when he was young. His face is not ugly, but, with that gap between his two front teeth, I doubt many women considered him to be a really good looking guy, facially. But look how well he did, in life in general and with many women during his long career. Maybe he did too well, at getting laid anyway.

Go thou and do likewise.
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Old 10-13-2017, 05:53 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
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The male friends I had that I tried to turn into lovers and ultimately failed was because they revealed weak personalities. They were selfish or scared or inattentive or insecure or mealy-mouthed once faced with a real live love interest.

There was a reason they were generally unsuccessful in relationships.
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