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I'm a man who have been in quite a few relationships; but i always fail keeping it up when it comes to longer times like multiple months.
When I'm in relationship i often end up caring too much, because i'm falling in love with the person. I often focus more on their stuff than mine. This is quite funny, because when I'm single i don't need anybody to have fun - i can literally spend hours on my own, i don't need company. I often travelled to different countries on my own as well without missing anybody; I can always find a way to spend my time.
How can i fix this, and being myself - the goal oriented, focused man when i have somebody?
What is the man's role in a relationship?
How can i keep that personality of mine in a relationship what my partner has fallen into?
These are my questions. Any small help is appreciated
Sounds like you are watching a lot of porn? You should stop that immediately. That might be the biggest reason for why you can't keep it up during sex. Your brain is used to seeing dozens of girls in a single session, with multiple angles etc. When that doesn't happen in real life, your brain doesn't think it's stimulating enough.
"I often focus more on their stuff than mine." There is a paradox there. Women don't want you to focus on them, and the more you can focus on yourself and your own pleasure, the more pleasure the woman will feel.
Those are your two biggest issues from what I could gather.
"How can i fix this, and being myself - the goal oriented, focused man when i have somebody?" It probably comes down to self esteem and self worth. If you feel good enough in yourself (alone or otherwise), you should not have to worry so much about what the woman thinks of you. I suggest you work on yourself so that you can get the feeling of being able to get a new woman at any time you want. Once you have that belief in yourself, you don't worry so much about the one you are with and you can be a better boyfriend to her since you aren't as needy.
Sounds like you are watching a lot of porn? You should stop that immediately. That might be the biggest reason for why you can't keep it up during sex. Your brain is used to seeing dozens of girls in a single session, with multiple angles etc. When that doesn't happen in real life, your brain doesn't think it's stimulating enough.
"I often focus more on their stuff than mine." There is a paradox there. Women don't want you to focus on them, and the more you can focus on yourself and your own pleasure, the more pleasure the woman will feel.
Those are your two biggest issues from what I could gather.
"How can i fix this, and being myself - the goal oriented, focused man when i have somebody?" It probably comes down to self esteem and self worth. If you feel good enough in yourself (alone or otherwise), you should not have to worry so much about what the woman thinks of you. I suggest you work on yourself so that you can get the feeling of being able to get a new woman at any time you want. Once you have that belief in yourself, you don't worry so much about the one you are with and you can be a better boyfriend to her since you aren't as needy.
Unlike you, the OP does not appear to be focused on sex.
The answer is, there's nothing to be done to make it keep going. Some women have a wandering eye. There are plenty of people who will only be faithful until another person shows interest. I can't maintain a relationship either. You can't make people stay with it. I'll probably avoid any future stress and paranoia by never asking anyone out ever again.
How can i fix this, and being myself - the goal oriented, focused man when i have somebody?
Focus really hard on finding someone with similar characteristics who challenges you to be yourself. No, you shouldn't depend on anyone else to be goal-oriented and focused, but it helps to maintain focus that when your partner wants the same thing for you. Bottom line, if your partner isn't supporting you in reaching your goals, your partner is not good for you. Period.
Quote:
What is the man's role in a relationship?
That's a big question that nobody can answer simply. I would just say don't worry about that. It's a generality and it changes with the relationship. You should focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be and the rest should fall into place. If you focus on maintaining your goal-oriented and "focused" nature, that will translate to helping you attract the right partner and maintain the relationship. It will also allow you to help your partner be focused and goal oriented.
TL/DR: don't worry about "a man's role." Worry about being the best you that you can be.
Quote:
How can i keep that personality of mine in a relationship what my partner has fallen into?
I'm not sure what you mean by "what my partner has fallen into." But long story short, you shouldn't be in a relationship where you aren't able to be the person you want to be. If your core values are suffering, you need to leave the relationship. It's that simple. In a healthy relationship, you and your partner will better each other over the long run. Not the other way around.
Apparently you're going after women who don't challenge you or give you anything that you want or need. Otherwise you would want to maintain your relationship with them so as not to lose what it is they offer.
Perhaps you truly don't want or need any attachments? If you do, then seek stronger women with strong interests similar to your own.
I'm a man who have been in quite a few relationships; but i always fail keeping it up when it comes to longer times like multiple months.
When I'm in relationship i often end up caring too much, because i'm falling in love with the person. I often focus more on their stuff than mine. This is quite funny, because when I'm single i don't need anybody to have fun - i can literally spend hours on my own, i don't need company. I often travelled to different countries on my own as well without missing anybody; I can always find a way to spend my time.
How can i fix this, and being myself - the goal oriented, focused man when i have somebody?
What is the man's role in a relationship?
How can i keep that personality of mine in a relationship what my partner has fallen into?
These are my questions. Any small help is appreciated
Have a nice day!
Gotta show less affection. Too much "love" smothers them and pushed them away IMO.
Wow. I laughed out hard at the answer #2 hahahaha Might be useful for somebody who has sex oriented problems though!
#6 "Focus really hard on finding someone with similar characteristics who challenges you to be yourself."
This one is on point. Made me think about myself and my past partners a lot, in my last relationship i didn't feel anything like this. You are right 100%. I need a woman who might be a fuel in my goals and my life, who motivates me, and the same backwards. You are a star!
#7: Same as #6, these sentences put things in a different point of view. Thanks a lot!
You people all deserve a medal for these answers. I appreciate all help and i hope others will benefit from these answers also
I'm a man who have been in quite a few relationships; but i always fail keeping it up when it comes to longer times like multiple months.
When I'm in relationship i often end up caring too much, because i'm falling in love with the person. I often focus more on their stuff than mine. This is quite funny, because when I'm single i don't need anybody to have fun - i can literally spend hours on my own, i don't need company. I often travelled to different countries on my own as well without missing anybody; I can always find a way to spend my time.
How can i fix this, and being myself - the goal oriented, focused man when i have somebody?
What is the man's role in a relationship?
How can i keep that personality of mine in a relationship what my partner has fallen into?
These are my questions. Any small help is appreciated
Have a nice day!
Seems like you get lost during the infatuation phase. Believe it or not, this will gradually wear off and you’ll eventually get back to normal.
Try to avoid women who are too needy. You should look for someone with a similar drive as yourself ( in more ways than one, haha). Maintain healthy boundaries, and make yourself stay focused on what you need to accomplish.
It’s natural to want to shower affection on a new partner. Show some restraint, but don’t withhold too much. It takes awhile to find equilibrium, so take it slow and be patient with yourself.
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Might be useful for somebody who has sex oriented problems though!
