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This thread has been an interesting read. I don't like strip clubs, nor do most of my friends. I've gone to a bunch for bachelor parties though almost as a gag. The most recent time was in August in Nashville (was with my girlfriend at the time and she knew all about it). They're sleazy places, but that's part of the fun. We brought beer (apparently in Nashville they're BYOB), hung out for an hour, and each spent about $15 in ones to make our friend uncomfortable for a bit, then left. The rest of the weekend was bar hopping, relaxing by the pool and a little sight seeing. Nobody did anything wrong (or felt tempted to). Great weekend.
I feel like a lot of the people who are strongly opposed have some Hollywood misconceptions about how bachelor parties work. Sure there are guys out there who are REALLY into the stripper thing, but if you're in a relationship with one of those guys, you have bigger issues that go far deeper than a party. I mean the guy who cheats with a stripper (or "crosses the line") has issues that go deeper than a few drinks and the environment.
Also, I've had gay friends who have come to strip clubs at bachelor parties with us, I've had friends sit quietly and sip drinks for the hour or so we're there, I've gone with female friends to male strip clubs (not my choice, but whatever), etc. So I have a hard time imagining why someone would bail on a bachelor/bachelorette party with close friends simply because there might be strippers involved and "that's not their scene." Is it really that big of a deal to suck it up for an hour or two? Would you skip a vacation with friends because the planner wanted to go to the art museum for a bit and that's not your scene? I feel like anyone who would completely bail on a normal bachelor party (they're not all drug/booze soaked orgies) because they're "not into strippers" has something more going on. Even if you're not into it, what's the big deal?
This thread has been an interesting read. I don't like strip clubs, nor do most of my friends. I've gone to a bunch for bachelor parties though almost as a gag. The most recent time was in August in Nashville (was with my girlfriend at the time and she knew all about it). They're sleazy places, but that's part of the fun. We brought beer (apparently in Nashville they're BYOB), hung out for an hour, and each spent about $15 in ones to make our friend uncomfortable for a bit, then left. The rest of the weekend was bar hopping, relaxing by the pool and a little sight seeing. Nobody did anything wrong (or felt tempted to). Great weekend.
I feel like a lot of the people who are strongly opposed have some Hollywood misconceptions about how bachelor parties work. Sure there are guys out there who are REALLY into the stripper thing, but if you're in a relationship with one of those guys, you have bigger issues that go far deeper than a party. I mean the guy who cheats with a stripper (or "crosses the line") has issues that go deeper than a few drinks and the environment.
Also, I've had gay friends who have come to strip clubs at bachelor parties with us, I've had friends sit quietly and sip drinks for the hour or so we're there, I've gone with female friends to male strip clubs (not my choice, but whatever), etc. So I have a hard time imagining why someone would bail on a bachelor/bachelorette party with close friends simply because there might be strippers involved and "that's not their scene." Is it really that big of a deal to suck it up for an hour or two? Would you skip a vacation with friends because the planner wanted to go to the art museum for a bit and that's not your scene? I feel like anyone who would completely bail on a normal bachelor party (they're not all drug/booze soaked orgies) because they're "not into strippers" has something more going on. Even if you're not into it, what's the big deal?
I think there's a tendency the last decade or two for some coupled people to attach a whole lot of importance to being totally secure with just about anything their partner does. I'm not especially jealous by nature and I trust my partner. That trust is based in part on our mutual respect for each other's comfort, however.
Monogamous people who claim to be so so secure in their relationship, and define that security as based on an all or nothing definition of trust, typically have some boundaries. Those boundaries may be somewhere different from mine, but they're still boundaries. If you really trust your partner, can there be any boundaries, or if there are, are you as intellectually honest and as trusting as you believe?
I think there's a tendency the last decade or two for some coupled people to attach a whole lot of importance to being totally secure with just about anything their partner does. I'm not especially jealous by nature and I trust my partner. That trust is based in part on our mutual respect for each other's comfort, however.
Monogamous people who claim to be so so secure in their relationship, and define that security as based on an all or nothing definition of trust, typically have some boundaries. Those boundaries may be somewhere different from mine, but they're still boundaries. If you really trust your partner, can there be any boundaries, or if there are, are you as intellectually honest and as trusting as you believe?
I can only answer for myself. There are times when I get insecure, and sometimes it's something totally random. I just try to handle it like an adult, and tell my husband. I'm not normally crazy, so is usually reassuring.
But in the case of strip clubs and the like? I know how he is wired, and it's not really his thing. Not that it comes up often.....
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I think there's a tendency the last decade or two for some coupled people to attach a whole lot of importance to being totally secure with just about anything their partner does. I'm not especially jealous by nature and I trust my partner. That trust is based in part on our mutual respect for each other's comfort, however.
Monogamous people who claim to be so so secure in their relationship, and define that security as based on an all or nothing definition of trust, typically have some boundaries. Those boundaries may be somewhere different from mine, but they're still boundaries. If you really trust your partner, can there be any boundaries, or if there are, are you as intellectually honest and as trusting as you believe?
When you trust someone implicitly, why would boundaries be needed? H goes away on weekend trips with the guys, goes camping by himself, goes to tournaments. Heck, he can say he's going to the mall and I believe he's going to the mall. I've traveled for work and I go out with co-workers and friends. We've both had "opportunities to be inappropriate". If we're not intellectually honest with ourselves, we would never be able to survive getting through one single day without that notion in the back of our minds that our spouses/SO's/partners might be doing something stupid.
If there's a "don't ask, don't tell" relationship then the boundaries consist of asking your partner to be careful and selective but that type of relationship is a whole other topic.
Imo, people who have to set boundaries with their spouses/SO's/partners have other issues to worry about as a whole in their relationship.
I encourage my wife to enjoy time with her friends. I trust her and she knows the boundaries of what is acceptable between both of us. So she goes to vegas for a weekend goes to thunder from down under and a few night clubs. I'm totes cool with all that. I think in the end she appreciates a bit of time away from me and at the end of the weekend it's "well paid back".
Well like I said, I don't even think it's always a matter of trusting your partner, or being secure with your relationship. My issue with strippers, porn and the like, has nothing to do with it. I'd actually be more comfortable if we went to some kind of orgy with real people and he interacted sexually with some of them, because they probably would be...real people. Like, normal people. But when I think of strippers, and porn, I think of perfect bodies, perfect faces, perfect graceful motions (at least the dancers anyhow)...no flaws, no bodies marked or changed by childbirth, no awkward moments. It's like I'm in middle school again, and everybody likes the pretty girls and everybody hates me because I'm not, I have acne and braces. How were they born so blessed and I'm so worthless? I'm smart, though! I can draw! Yeah, no one cares.
All that? Totally my stuff. Not his stuff. It is not his job to walk on eggshells around the pains of my life story. He can do as he likes. Will I maybe like it if he reassures me that he finds me attractive, desirable and lovable even though I'm human and imperfect, if I have to confront such circumstances? Yes. Yes, it will. Because sometimes I feel like I'm just the best he could get, but he's looking at all those perfect young women and wishing he could have had that instead. Sometimes I can be as secure as the day is long in my relationship and trusting he won't DO anything...but I am insecure with myself. I'm not afraid to admit or own that.
And I wonder...for others who feel jealous emotions over this kind of thing, or other things...how much of it is you actually THINKING that your partner is possibly going to cheat on you, and how much of it is questioning your own worth or the value that they place on you? Many people I know resort pretty fast to behaviors of controlling their partners (or trying to) when they feel jealous. Maybe if we can see what parts of a situation or our feelings connected to it, are "my stuff" or "partner's stuff" we could be a little more fair.
Would it bother you if your SO went to a bachelor/bachelorette party knowing that there will most likely be a stripper there or other things going on during that event that would involve completely naked or topless/bottomless people?
My husband has been to strip clubs a few times with some friends and he said it was boring. I trust him implicitly. I would not question him going to a bachelor's party.
Also, my husband didn't mind when I went with his best friend (also a woman) to a male strip club in Vegas. He trusts me.
People who don't trust each other make this out to be a huge deal when it isn't.
Back in our mid-twenties we had these parties every two weeks as everyone was getting married. There was one guy (married years before us) who had to come outside wherever we were, to present himself to his wife if she was to call and tell him she's waiting outside to inspect him. Funny stuff.
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