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I don't think the partner is necessarily abusive. According to the OP, her gf has never shown any signs of violence. Had she been abusive & temperamental in general, then you'd think it wouldn't take 5 years to show it.
The OP says she's the "feisty" one. Now, feisty may be code for dramatic and confrontational. Again, if she polices her girlfriend constantly -to make sure she's not cheating, and has a history of throwing these tantrums, it's logical that her gf could simply have reached a breaking point.
I don't think a person is an automatic abuser just because you pushed them too far. It can be argued the OP is the abusive one. Snatching your partner's stuff so you can police / monitor who they talk to. Then when they don't give you their private info, you lash out and break their stuff. It can be argued if the OP was a man, people wouldn't be as forgiving of her lack of trust, tantrums, and destroying her gf's property. They'd be saying the girlfriend dodged a bullet from a controlling man who breaks their property when they oppose snooping, and that he'd become violent toward her eventually rather than just her property.
I see the typical C-D posters have come out in full force. Scream louder, guys.
Fact: Same-sex relationships has the highest incidents of domestic violence than hetero relationships. Yet it's a silent epidemic.
I'm not sure what you were looking for when you started this thread. This sounds like an isolated case of domestic violence. Do you think this kind of thing could happen again, let alone frequent occasions? Are you looking for answers? Maybe you're in shock what just had happened. Like you didn't expect her to kick your ass since she wasn't the type. Who knows? State your intentions.
Well what do you expect her reaction would be? Thank you for breaking her phone? Really now? Not to mention reading her text without her permission.
Quote:
Originally Posted by blondiel
I can't say that I wouldn't want to kick my SO's arse if he broke my phone, but I do have enough self control to remove myself from the situation before I get into a fight. I have never been in a physical fight. I say what I want to say and remove myself at a fast pace.
Yap, me too. And the Harvey Weinstein scandal. Some celebs were being attacked for victim blaming but, between the OP and the quote above scenario. I mean, who really is to blame for the outcome? FYI Harvey Weinstein is a scum of the earth.
My gf and I are a lesbian couple who have been in a loving relationship for 5 years, we now own a house together and are even considering adoption soon. We have never had any incidences of violence in the past. My gf doesn't even like to raise her voice. I'm definitely the more feisty one. I've always had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past so on this particular night I saw a text pop up from a random girl's name, I asked her who it was, and she told me it was her friend. I didn't believe her so I snatched the phone but it was locked. I told her to give me her password and she wouldn't. I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. Then I got the shock of my life because she slapped the **** out of me. Mind you she's a lot bigger, taller, and stronger than me. But at that moment, I was pissed so I hit her back and we started fighting like for real. She ended up whooping my ass bad. I was screaming and the guy who rents our basement out heard us and pulled her off of me. She left that night to stay with her mom, but she's back in the house now. She apologized but I still told her to sleep in the guest room because I'm not over it. I can't believe she would ever put her hands on me like that. I want to get past this because I love her, and we have built a life together but idk if things will go back to normal. Any advice you all may have would be appreciated.
First of all...violence never solves anything ...just makes things worse.You should never have snatched her phone away from her and broken it.She should never have laid her hands on you...Both of you are wrong.
You need to get help for your trust issues because that's how all of that started.Both of you need to get some counseling to make sure nothing like this ever happens again.If this is not resolved...it will only happen again.
A score ago when I was with a lover and we were into rough sex (ie, "that's not true, I do bite"), the words were spoken in a drunken moment of "Get mad at me".
And that tripped an internal code in me of not to get mad at a lover (for to get mad means that HtH could be an instant response), to back off, to retreat. The problem was that my actions as immediate as they were were like I was rejecting my lover. I was doing things immediately that they could not understand why I was doing them.
On the other hand, admittedly, I am also trained to do lightning strikes on the first sign of an attack.....but those are more likely in a stranger encounter.
Is for the situation presented, is it like that? It may have been at first and once the blows start flying, what does it take to stop?
A score ago when I was with a lover and we were into rough sex (ie, "that's not true, I do bite"), the words were spoken in a drunken moment of "Get mad at me".
And that tripped an internal code in me of not to get mad at a lover (for to get mad means that HtH could be an instant response), to back off, to retreat. The problem was that my actions as immediate as they were were like I was rejecting my lover. I was doing things immediately that they could not understand why I was doing them.
On the other hand, admittedly, I am also trained to do lightning strikes on the first sign of an attack.....but those are more likely in a stranger encounter.
Is for the situation presented, is it like that? It may have been at first and once the blows start flying, what does it take to stop?
I don't think so. When she was beating me up I was pretty scared b/c of the size difference. I know she can really hurt me. I only came out the fight with some bruises, but that's b/c the guy pulled her off me. In that moment I felt like she didn't even see me as her gf if that makes sense.
You have to make your own decision. Any human being who beats another human being until someone pulls them away is in for the kill. Both of you make the relationship toxic. She knows she can kick your arse, so she will do it again. You know she can kick your arse, so you will be ready for her in a way that will not be good for either of you. When there is love in a relationship, neither person reacts to each other like they would react to a stranger in the street. She beat your a$$ like you were a stranger in the street. No, it was not right to read her text and throw her phone, but that was minor as compared to the big picture of possible relationship issues. Have you thought about what would happen if the issue were bigger and more serious?
We bought our house from previous owners who were a couple preparing to adopt, had been fostering to that end, set up a nursery, installed wall-mount baby gates, a complex monitoring system, etc.(all draws for us, as we were househunting with a 4-month old).
They were denied the opportunity to adopt due to domestic violence (not that it matters, but they were a female same-sex couple as well, by happenstance) and lost the child they were fostering.
If you and your partner engage in domestic violence, don't think that it won't hurt your chances of adopting.
Assuming that this is legit. No one should be hitting anyone for any reason. That being said, OP keep your hands off of other peoples stuff.
You started it. Yeah, I'm victim blaming here.
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