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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,772,419 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100
I wouldnt wait 30 to 60 days. Thats a crazy waste of time.
Yeah, if they're interested in me, it happens WAY faster than that. I've never hung out with someone and then them try to get me in bed 30+ days out. We're totally platonic friends if we're still hanging at that point.
Yeah, if they're interested in me, it happens WAY faster than that. I've never hung out with someone and then them try to get me in bed 30+ days out. We're totally platonic friends if we're still hanging at that point.
If it doesn't happen in the first three, or four dates, then the chemistry isn't there, or the person may have religious values, etc that they don't want to violate. You shouldn't have to "push" for sex though. It should be a very mutual thing if their is an attraction. I have no "rule" about the time limit for sex, but if its not happening, then that should tell you something.
In my whole life, it's always been the man that pushed for sex first, in a relationship, date, whatever. Now...I LIKE sex. I really do. But I do feel like, that in MOST cases, I was pushed into it before I would've liked.
Sometimes, I think it takes divine intervention for people to click, and be on the right page at the right time in relationships, AND I DO feel like it took divine intervention between my husband and I.
He and I did the online thing for about a month before we met in person, and dated in person, about another month before we ever had sex. I laugh now...we were out at a bar, and he was acting a little 'off'. I actually had kind of wondered if he'd lost interest in me for whatever reason. EVENTUALLY he asked if I wanted to go back to his place with him. He was sweating, and so nervous. LOL
God bless him...I was really touched, that he was, essentially, asking me. Really...no one had ever done that before. I was hooked.
I suspect this may be a hot topic so I really really want to urge us all to be civilized. Pleeaase. I'd like to get a few pages out of it before it gets closed lol.
So, a personal thing has come up in my life lately and I already know what I must do though I hate it. I really like this man--he has so many qualities that I really like and admire but on the last couple of dates he pushed me really hard for sex even though I explained that I'm in a tough emotional place right now and getting into sex quickly would probably not be good for me at all. And then he pushed some more.
What do I mean by that? I mean asking me to come sleep with him several times while kissing, amping up the kissing though I tried to keep it calmer, trying to stick his hand down my pants though I asked him not to do that. When I got tough, he acted like I was being a biotch, and that sort of thing. I've been out with him 4 times and he pushed really hard at least on the last two. I started to walk away after the first time but second guessed myself. Yeah I know, I should know better because, as it turns out, my first feelings about someone always turn out to be right and these things never work out.
But I didn't come for advice...I already know the answer.
So what I'm really thinking is this:
Men, where do you draw the line?
At what point do you just back off and know she means it and stop?
How many women throw mixed signals?
When you are pressing a woman hard for sex, is a relationship ever a thing on your mind with this particular woman? (My guess is no but we may get some surprises...)
I realize there is a lot of anger on both sides around this issue so I would urge all of us to use some empathy. It's fine to speak of your pain but when you blame all of any group, discussion shuts down. I am in some pain around this issue and I have been sexually harassed in some really bad ways several times in my youth which has made me careful and when I think of some things that have happened, this one barely raises an eyebrow. I've been lied to by so many men in my life but I still like them and I'm just looking for thoughtful answers on this.
He crossed the line. He sounds like a loser quite honestly pushing that hard after a couple dates.
I always just let the woman let me know quite frankly. It wasn't hard to tell.
If it doesn't happen in the first three, or four dates, then the chemistry isn't there, or the person may have religious values, etc that they don't want to violate. You shouldn't have to "push" for sex though. It should be a very mutual thing if their is an attraction. I have no "rule" about the time limit for sex, but if its not happening, then that should tell you something.
Well, dang. i guess i better get some therapy, because it would take me probably 15 or more dates to be ready.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,772,419 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pilot1
If it doesn't happen in the first three, or four dates, then the chemistry isn't there, or the person may have religious values, etc that they don't want to violate. You shouldn't have to "push" for sex though. It should be a very mutual thing if their is an attraction. I have no "rule" about the time limit for sex, but if its not happening, then that should tell you something.
It does, and I listen. It tells me they don't want to get down with me.
I ask, I get. Luckily I don't have that problem lol
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