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Because like you said, guys want to know the sexual compatibility is there, and they don't want to potentially wait months to finally do it. Maybe one time, they were passive and were willing to wait till the woman was ready only to end up being strung along.
Nothing wrong with a woman waiting until she is comfortable, but on the flip side, there isn't anything wrong with a guy wanting to do it ASAP (that being said, it's wrong for them to continually push for it after you've said no multiple times at that moment).
I get that, which is why I think a month or so is fair. I haven't made anyone wait 2 months since the guy I lost my virginity to. Everyone since him has been within a month. But lately, its this weird thing of must put out by date 3, even if 3 dates happened in less than a week (as is what happened in the example I mentioned). What kind of trust can you build in less than a week? I also worry about sexual chemistry not being there, and in the past, it has caused me to do it before I was ready. My drive is higher than every guy I've been with (with the exception of my first but I blame him being in his early 20's at the time) but trust is equally important to me..which is why I think around a month or so the sweet spot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
One month minimum? I dont know bout that, LOl. You can wait months or even years (building an emotional connection/trust, etc) only to find out he's horrible in bed, or vise versa.
What then?
LOL oh you! you're right. I feel like if it takes more than 2 months for it to happen, there's no point in even going there, since there's probably no sexual chemistry then. For me, its been within a month typically.
No means no. Any man who doesn't respect that has a real problem. I don't care what the circumstances are. This is very black and white. There are NO gray areas.
One month minimum? I dont know bout that, LOl. You can wait months or even years (building an emotional connection/trust, etc) only to find out he's horrible in bed, or vise versa.
What then?
I've asked that question a couple of times around here, too. How does that conversation go?
"Yeah....sorry it took me months to get comfortable enough, but now I'm thinking we should go our separate ways "
I can't say I've had a guy push too hard before I was ready, because if he was having to get pushy about it-- it was probably because I wasn't attracted to him not that I wasn't ready. So we just never did. I guess I just don't really have a rule about waiting and it works for me.
And to you HC- Ever have a woman push too hard for sex before you were ready?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick
No means no. Any man who doesn't respect that has a real problem. I don't care what the circumstances are. This is very black and white. There are NO gray areas.
I agree, but the "gray area" exists because lots of people do not use the word "no".
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
And to you HC- Ever have a woman push too hard for sex before you were ready?
Speaking for myself (of course), if a woman is pushing for sex and I don't want to, it isn't because I'm not "ready", it is because I don't want to have sex with them. Not now, not next month, not next year. (The one exception might be circumstances where it is the first time and we can only logistically fit in a quickie and I'd rather have a better place or more time).
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,940,305 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ralph_Kirk
And apparently "no" days or longer later retroactively cancels an earlier "yes."
Well, that is not a gray area. A person can say yes and change their mind at any point and say no. That's a clear no. Not much confusion there. Frustration? Sure. Confusion, none.
I've always usually been able to tell whether it's a go or no-go based on non-verbal cues. If I can tell that someone isn't that interested in me, then I simply don't pursue it. I really believe too many people don't pay attention to these non-verbal cues. I've very rarely had someone give mixed signals, but the rare occasions that has occurred I also didn't pursue anything.
Well, that is not a gray area. A person can say yes and change their mind at any point and say no. That's a clear no. Not much confusion there. Frustration? Sure. Confusion, none.
Did you miss "... days or longer later retroactively cancels an earlier "yes?
"
LOL oh you! you're right. I feel like if it takes more than 2 months for it to happen, there's no point in even going there, since there's probably no sexual chemistry then. For me, its been within a month typically.
Im curious. Do make this clear with men before getting emotionally involved? That you require a 1 month min probation period before sex?
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
I've asked that question a couple of times around here, too. How does that conversation go?
"Yeah....sorry it took me months to get comfortable enough, but now I'm thinking we should go our separate ways "
I can't say I've had a guy push too hard before I was ready, because if he was having to get pushy about it-- it was probably because I wasn't attracted to him not that I wasn't ready. So we just never did. I guess I just don't really have a rule about waiting and it works for me.
And to you HC- Ever have a woman push too hard for sex before you were ready?
HA! I was born ready, GURL!
You dont have to twist my arm for sex, Lol.
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