Is there still reason for a man to marry? (young, child support, call)
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Sure, people can grow together in marriage, or they can grow apart and end up hating each other. But when you've loved and lived with someone for 50+ years they should not only be your best friend, by that time they are probably your only friend! They are your partner in life. Your person. And when they're gone, you realize that death from a broken heart is a very real thing.
The notion of only having one friend, one person who is my everything, horrifies me.
But then...the most influential and meaningful role model I had growing up, was a widow who never had kids. My Great Aunt. She was cool and ambivalent for the most part about her marriage, did not speak very warmly about her late husband, he died when she was about 60 or so. He controlled their finances very strictly during his life. They had the same furniture, never traveled, never did anything. Well, she was thankful for his investments, but after he passed, she had everything managed and she really started living. She donated to causes that moved her, she traveled the world, she volunteered at the hospice and nature center, she connected with many people and was loved by many people. She was like a bird let out of a dark cage, free to live her life and be more than she'd ever been.
Combine that with two sets of grandparents that hated one another (one of which had physical fights quite often) and parents that divorced (multiple times)... Maybe it's no wonder I struggle to have any faith in "happily ever after" since I've never seen it.
I doubt if I'd be comfortable marrying someone my own age. The idea of "you, me, here together, forever" and no change is scary to me. I need to know that eventually there will be new adventures on the horizon. There will always be people to share them with. That's what "communities" and "chosen family" are for.
Close, but no cigar. Not to mention it's too "college". Something more adult-sounding would be better. Also, "roommates" is often used to describe a bad/stale marriage, so there's a negative connotation to boot.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 10-24-2017 at 03:16 PM..
Close, but no cigar. Not to mention too "college". Something more adult-sounding would be better. Also, "roommates" is often used to describe a bad/stale marriage, so there's a negative connotation to boot.
It's exactly what you described in your scenario. Two adults living together to share expenses, but who have no romantic relationship or sex, and who are completely independent of each other legally, financially, and socially are roommates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
The notion of only having one friend, one person who is my everything, horrifies me.
My parents have been married for 55 years, and they absolutely have their own hobbies, interests, and friends. They're definitely my model for a long-term, functional, happy relationship, but if they only had to socialize with each other they'd make each other batcrap crazy and they wouldn't be exemplars of anything.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 10-24-2017 at 03:32 PM..
I have always been pretty quick to exit a relationship if I got angry or unhappy. I never really thought I was "marriage material" for that reason. I won't tolerate much.
My husband wanted marriage and wouldn't settle for less. He didn't want me to be his girlfriend, he wanted me to be his wife. He wanted 100% or nothing. He wanted to lock me down. LOL.
It is unchartered waters for me. So far, so good after 10 years. There have been moments though, when I probably would have left if we were not married. Just being honest. I'm not a patient, easy going person and I would rather leave than put up with a lot of conflict. Because we are married, Ive stayed and we have worked through our problems and it has made our relationship stronger and more rewarding than anything I've experienced before. Plus, he is a freaking saint, so that helps a lot. I admire and respect him so much. We are happy and he has converted me to a big proponent of marriage now, where before I married him, I saw no value in it for me. He's shown me, through example, how great marriage can be.
The notion of only having one friend, one person who is my everything, horrifies me.
But then...the most influential and meaningful role model I had growing up, was a widow who never had kids. My Great Aunt. She was cool and ambivalent for the most part about her marriage, did not speak very warmly about her late husband, he died when she was about 60 or so. He controlled their finances very strictly during his life. They had the same furniture, never traveled, never did anything. Well, she was thankful for his investments, but after he passed, she had everything managed and she really started living. She donated to causes that moved her, she traveled the world, she volunteered at the hospice and nature center, she connected with many people and was loved by many people. She was like a bird let out of a dark cage, free to live her life and be more than she'd ever been.
Combine that with two sets of grandparents that hated one another (one of which had physical fights quite often) and parents that divorced (multiple times)... Maybe it's no wonder I struggle to have any faith in "happily ever after" since I've never seen it.
I doubt if I'd be comfortable marrying someone my own age. The idea of "you, me, here together, forever" and no change is scary to me. I need to know that eventually there will be new adventures on the horizon. There will always be people to share them with. That's what "communities" and "chosen family" are for.
I suppose when you've never seen any different, it sours you to the idea. I've known so many wonderful couples who inspired me. My mom and dad divorced when I was 17, but they remain cordial...no caged bird syndrome.
My husband and I certainly have more than enough friends, I only suppose that by the time we're in our 80's it will be down to us, right? We've never lacked for adventure, that I can say for sure! It's been wonderful to have him to hold onto through it all.
With all this talk about business partnerships, marriage, and what-have-you, it got me wondering. What if there was a way to live together, but without the requirements and obligations that marriage or romantic cohabitation brings on? Basically, two people live together, since it's more efficient to have two incomes and one household, than two people each living alone. Legal and financial matters do not get comingled. The people eat some meals together, maintain the home together, and even may socialize together when the occasion requires coming as a couple. But for the most part, they leave each other alone and give each other full independence, outside of courtesies like "tell the other person if you'll be gone for more than 24 hours". Such an arrangement would be suitable for people who have a strong aversion to living together romantically, but may find comfort in the notion of having someone call 911 for them if need be, as well as guaranteed companionships of sorts.
But what to call it? Something catchy and socially acceptable, lest the "family values" crowd gets offended. Semi-marriage? Quasi-marriage? Platonic residential maintenance partnership (or PRMP for short)? I guess whatever works.
Being a roommate with your FWB?
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