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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Dating = spending time with romantic or potential romantic partners doing things together and having fun.
Sounds horrible.
When it doesn’t work, it IS horrible. When you have to waste time and money only to get no closer a goal of ending up with someone, I think and feel that is horrible. I don’t know why you don’t get that your experiences do not match with everyone else’s. It just boggles my mind.
Agreed, your experience is that of people who live on this planet. LOL. Most people find dating to be stressful to some degree. To say otherwise isn't really in touch with reality.
LOL you're not kidding. I actually pretty much hated it. It was what I'd call a necessary evil.
Relationships are great, dating, no so much. It can be nerve wracking.
In my opinion, if its nerve-wracking, then it is being taken too seriously. It implies you are hoping tjis date will be the one leading to <whatever it is you are hoping to find>.
I had the advantage of being 39 before I started dating much. Because I was not looking to rush into anything, I was able to accept each date for what it was. Just a casual evening. If it didnt lead to anything, it was just fine.
When things are right, they just naturally fall into place. If they arent right, they wont. Theres not much point in fretting about it.
In my opinion, if its nerve-wracking, then it is being taken too seriously. It implies you are hoping tjis date will be the one leading to <whatever it is you are hoping to find>.
I had the advantage of being 39 before I started dating much. Because I was not looking to rush into anything, I was able to accept each date for what it was. Just a casual evening. If it didnt lead to anything, it was just fine.
When things are right, they just naturally fall into place. If they arent right, they wont. Theres not much point in fretting about it.
Meh, it's human nature to a certain degree to be at least a little nervous. We all tend to worry a tad about coming off in a good light. We all tend to wonder if we're being a good host, at least in the sense that we don't wanna be a boor or hope at least we're coming off well.
It's putting yourself out there for scrutiny really at the end of the day.
Most people date well before 39 and are much younger and tend to be a bit more insecure. Not a raging insecure mess but normal stuff and we tend to be at least somewhat concerned about the things I listed out.
To be cool as a cucumber is nice, but a lot of people aren't, at least at the very beginning.
Meh, it's human nature to a certain degree to be at least a little nervous. We all tend to worry a tad about coming off in a good light. We all tend to wonder if we're being a good host, at least in the sense that we don't wanna be a boor or hope at least we're coming off well.
It's putting yourself out there for scrutiny really at the end of the day.
Most people date well before 39 and are much younger and tend to be a bit more insecure. Not a raging insecure mess but normal stuff and we tend to be at least somewhat concerned about the things I listed out.
To be cool as a cucumber is nice, but a lot of people aren't, at least at the very beginning.
A little nervous and nerve racking are two different things, arent they?
I met me ex-husband when I was only 19, got divorced at 39. So at 39, had very little dating experience. I do realize thats atypical.
A little nervous and nerve racking are two different things, arent they?
I met me ex-husband when I was only 19, got divorced at 39. So at 39, had very little dating experience. I do realize thats atypical.
It's a sliding scale. Find your spot is pretty much what I think.
I had barely been seeing Mrs. Chow way back when the earth was still cooling and after a couple three times together we spent a warm summer Saturday night strolling on the pier.
That was probably the only time I was "cool as a cucumber" in terms of being with a woman in the intial stages.
Yeah, it happens but I still think that most people that simply meet up for an after work happy hour get together are probably a tad nervous at a minimum. Nervous wreck, IDK, YMMV I suppose.
I can't ever remember being nervous. The men I dated were nervous sometimes. I never took it too seriously. If we clicked, that was great. If we didn't, no big deal.
My grandmother always told me that men were like buses, "there's always another one right around the corner." She was right about that, from my experience. I think that is true for both men and women.
If several months go by without a date, you just are not trying.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Because generally speaking, you have to go on a date or two with each person to find out whether or not it's a "fit" and that is stressful. It's not nearly as fun and exciting as some people seem to think it is. It's stressful most of the time. At least that was my experience and my husband's. We both hated dating, and we were very "date able" and had lots of dates. Should have been living the life of Reiley, right? (Whatever that means.) It was a bunch of stress.
Like the old saying goes, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince (or princess). Kissing frogs sucks.
Even if they're not a good fit, why can't it be fun? I don't understand that. The woman I met yesterday, totally up my alley, 37, environmental lawyer, cute... but there wasn't much chemistry. Still, it was fun. We had a great discussion for about 2.5/3 hrs. Meeting someone new and talking is fun even when it isn't a fit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
When it doesn’t work, it IS horrible. When you have to waste time and money only to get no closer a goal of ending up with someone, I think and feel that is horrible. I don’t know why you don’t get that your experiences do not match with everyone else’s. It just boggles my mind.
Meeting people and talking, or doing an activity, isn't horrible at all.
If it is to someone, I would advise them to give up on dating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
I can't ever remember being nervous. The men I dated were nervous sometimes. I never took it too seriously. If we clicked, that was great. If we didn't, no big deal.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100
In my opinion, if its nerve-wracking, then it is being taken too seriously. It implies you are hoping tjis date will be the one leading to <whatever it is you are hoping to find>. .
Exactly. When I was younger and less experiences I got nervous. I put a lot of emotional energy into every first meeting. Now, it's just another no investment first meeting. I'm more likely to have nerves on a second meeting (first real date) or after if I really like the person, than the first time. That's just grabbing a drink and talking.
Even if they're not a good fit, why can't it be fun? I don't understand that. The woman I met yesterday, totally up my alley, 37, environmental lawyer, cute... but there wasn't much chemistry. Still, it was fun. We had a great discussion for about 2.5/3 hrs. Meeting someone new and talking is fun even when it isn't a fit.
Meeting people and talking, or doing an activity, isn't horrible at all.
If it is to someone, I would advise them to give up on dating.
Exactly. When I was younger and less experiences I got nervous. I put a lot of emotional energy into every first meeting. Now, it's just another no investment first meeting. I'm more likely to have nerves on a second meeting (first real date) or after if I really like the person, than the first time. That's just grabbing a drink and talking.
Look here. Both my husband and I are extroverts. We meet people easily and talk with people easily from all sorts of backgrounds. For what it's worth, we also both are pretty attractive. We've lived and worked literally all over the world and traveled extensively. So it's not a matter of being social misfits or shy or even awkward.
For both of us, we were not interested in casual dating or casual sex. We were both in our 40s and both looking for a serious relationship. We also had both decided not to compromise or allow ourselves to fall into a less than balanced, less than honest relationship. We'd both been burned as well in our prior marriage but wanted to give it another chance - we had both been to counseling and knew where our faulty thought process had been in the past and had worked hard to improve ourselves emotionally, mentally, physically and financially.
Since we weren't interested in "hooking up" or casual sex, that limited our options - but believe me, it didn't stop the people we were dating from being interested in that - from the get go. Also, like I said, we had to kiss a lot of frogs - frankly, there are a lot of jacked up people out there in the 40 or so dating field. Lots of complications. Lots of issues. Lots of unpacked baggage that is sitting there festering.
I had three quick (and ridiculous) proposals of marriage in less than a year. He had to extricate himself from several women (all of whom were in desperate financial situations) when we met and started dating - they absolutely would not leave him alone and even continued to send him risque photos of themselves till he finally had to block them completely. Now - these weren't what either of us would have considered serious relationships - these were people we hadn't dated much at all.
And don't even get me started on the other side of the coin -let's just say it was a good thing I read the excellent book "He's Just Not That Into You" before I started dating, because I learned the art of just moving on quickly when I realized someone was playing games. But it was still stressful to me.
No, i didn't enjoy dating much. I wasn't a nervous wreck - I mean literally never. And frankly, I had a lot of dates because I wasn't afraid to date and like I said, I'm an extrovert so I meet people easily and people tend to feel comfortable around me pretty quickly. In other words, I'm approachable and I was available so I had lots of opportunities. But no, generally speaking, I didn't enjoy the process. Maybe if I'd been looking for a slew of "friends with benefits" or hook ups I would have enjoyed it more, I don't know.
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