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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stockwiz
Gotta get over the bitterness, man. It's going to come out in your vibe with the people you're with. You're speaking to the choir here since a lot of my past posts and some of my current posts if I get really tired and get cranky are like yours.
As for spending money on them, just buy them lunch or go somewhere inexpensive. No way I'm going to spend $100+ on a first date.. mine usually cost $25 and I can stomach that though I'm fairly financially secure admittedly and my frequency of dates are as of yet not high enough to give it much thought.
I'm really trying to move on and not be bitter, but I have a problem with people not understanding that sucking at dating is going to cause me to look at the institution of dating side eyes. People need to understand just because my experiences don't match yours means I'm necessarily doing anything wrong.
I'm really trying to move on and not be bitter, but I have a problem with people not understanding that sucking at dating is going to cause me to look at the institution of dating side eyes. People need to understand just because my experiences don't match yours means I'm necessarily doing anything wrong.
Objectively wrong? No. Wrong for you (as in, making your path more difficult?) Maybe. But that is a question best asked and answered for yourself, by yourself. Not in the court of public opinion.
Although, I think most people here would like to see you succeed. There are good intentions.
I'm probably still getting over my experience with my Northern KY crush. I went out on a limb to travel that far to meet her and she wasn't able to be honest with me when I was honest with her. That stings I spent very limited vacation days and money to meet her and just not getting consideration is the worst.
But the thing is, even though it didn't work out the way you wanted it to, if you hadn't have put yourself out there and taken that risk, you probably would have regretted it and wondered "what if...?" for a long time.
I'm really trying to move on and not be bitter, but I have a problem with people not understanding that sucking at dating is going to cause me to look at the institution of dating side eyes. People need to understand just because my experiences don't match yours means I'm necessarily doing anything wrong.
You don't come off as bitter but very frustrated and it's understandable. Dating can be stressful for a person who isn't good at it.
I wonder, where is the line drawn between one and the other? I've had people who were clearly in some kind of a relationship say that they were "dating so and so"...generally to mean they weren't planning to move in together and that whatever relationship they had was a matter of adult fun, not one of making serious hardcore life commitments.
And I've done "relationships" of that kind. And they were a lot of fun. My year of poly was like that. I had no illusions that anyone I was seeing then was a path to a lifetime partnership. The one I did end up getting serious with...well, that was a surprise I guess.
Now, the phase where I didn't really "have" anyone, and was trying to forge connections, there were a few where it was a pain. But I started my dating endeavors the way people tend to do these days, online, and I talked to those guys a while before we ever met in person. Long enough that I felt we could at least have a meal and a conversation and it wouldn't be too terrible. But I never expected anyone to waste more than a couple hours of their time, in finding out if there was any promise in the connection or no. Those "one meal and nope" dates were kind of ...ugh. But the ones where we "dated" (and had a sexual thing going on as well) for a time, those were fun.
I kind of think that grasping too hard at the destination makes it more difficult to enjoy the journey.
Approaching women is easy for me now but it can also be tiresome. That's where I'm getting at cause having to start over constantly isn't any fun.
I'm not big on dating strangers either. To me that would be a bit awkward and weird.
However, if a person see's dating as fun....cool.
If a person see's dating as an irritation...that's fine too.
Neither side is really better than the other, right or wrong. It simply just is. I can understand both point of views. But I don't see the point in trying to "convince" either side, is right/wrong. At some point it goes beyond simply just not understanding to being argumentative. That's how fights and bickering gets started. Different strokes for different folks. Not everybody's story is going to be the same for everything.
Just agree to disagree. Keep it moving.
True dat.
Also, the experience differs between different men and women as well. For instance, a man may not have the same experiences on dates as a woman. Totally different perspective. Throw in different ages, different personalities, different interests, different goals and you just can't compare apples to oranges.
You don't come off as bitter but very frustrated and it's understandable. Dating can be stressful for a person who isn't good at it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
True dat.
Also, the experience differs between different men and women as well. For instance, a man may not have the same experiences on dates as a woman. Totally different perspective. Throw in different ages, different personalities, different interests, different goals and you just can't compare apples to oranges.
I think if you lined up 10 people from across various backgrounds I have a feeling that most would say that dating can be a bit stressful on some level, doesn't have to be nerve wracking as I mentioned earlier but it would probably involve nerves or the jitters on some level for a bulk of people, not all of course because their are always some variance with people.
This thread has sorta shifted a bit from the original premise, not sure how we can get it back on track.
Sadly for all we've hashed it to death, I think it simply boils down to...
Because they want to?
I agree. Really at the end of the day a guy can decide whether he wants to get married or not. The OP framed his question with an obvious agenda, unfortunately.
We're not married but have been together forever as most of the regulars here know. "Mrs. Chow" isn't being used or taken advantage of as people here have inferred. She's actually more anti-marriage than I am. I have a "meh" attitude toward it. I can take it or leave it. Everyone in my life had pretty much just shacked up. My dad was the only exception, I think he was old school and you married the woman because that's just what ya did back then. My parents divorced when I was a baby. So I've never known them being together as such.
We don't have kids but I have an old fashioned streak in me and think it's probably better to be married if having kids. I don't really know why, but it just feels like that's the thing to do.
YMMV
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