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It's bad enough he didn't pick up any of their tabs, but to not even pay his share of the hotel is extremely rude and crossing the line.
I'm a chick, and if I invited a guy to my best friend's birthday party in NYC, I'd pay for the hotel and my meals and drinks. I'd have had to pay it all if I went alone, anyway. I would, however, expect him to pay for his own meals and drinks.
OP, did he at least pay for his own meals/drinks, etc.?
I'm a chick, and if I invited a guy to my best friend's birthday party in NYC, I'd pay for the hotel and my meals and drinks. I'd have had to pay it all if I went alone, anyway. I would, however, expect him to pay for his own meals and drinks.
OP, did he at least pay for his own meals/drinks, etc.?
That's just it, though. I wouldn't have to pay it all if I went alone. I'd have someone to room with (one of my girlfriends) and we'd split it 50/50.
If we are going to split everything 50/50, that's cool with me. But it needs to be everthing: lodging, transportation, meals, activities & entertainment, etc. I understand I invited him; however, he had the option to decline if he wasn't in a financial situation to join the group as everyone else in the group paid their way.
We went to this high-end steakhouse restaurant STK, located in the trendy Meatpacking district for dinner one night and he left the table to ask for his split check from the rest of the group. When the server came back, the rest of us were left to fend for ourselves and figure out splitting. Luckily, my friend Sophia just ended up putting it on her card and we all paid her cash or Venmo'd her.
Also should mention he doesn't have the Uber app, so while those of us were able to split the fare, he said he'd pay us back in cash. That never happened. -__- Luckily, we rode the subway most of the time. Just in the late evenings we would Uber back to Brooklyn.
Yuck. Don't expect anything. If it were my friend, I'd be annoyed and see this as a character flaw, part of a cheapskate personality and know at the time I should only absorb her cost if I can afford to and not get paid back. Seems to me getting paid back is some sort of bonus, I don't lend anything anymore, just give if I can. But, a BF?...no, this guy's sketchy and here's your preview of a relationship with him.
What I find heartbreaking the most, is that he seemed to be the opposite of cheap. He ragged on his best friend who's cheap, and said that the reason his passport was collecting dust is because his friends invited him to go on a cruise, but then they flaked and it never happened.
He also said that his ex-girlfriend had so much in savings, but everytime he wanted to take a trip with her she would decline and say she didn't have money to do that, which upset him. And he was happy to see that I travel a lot. I told him I'd have no problem getting use out of his passport lol and literally talked about booking Paris in December, which he was on board with.
Luckily though, nothing for that trip had been booked. I think we both wanted to wait and see how NYC would be first. Good thing.
What I find heartbreaking the most, is that he seemed to be the opposite of cheap. He ragged on his best friend who's cheap, and said that the reason his passport was collecting dust is because his friends invited him to go on a cruise, but then they flaked and it never happened.
He also said that his ex-girlfriend had so much in savings, but everytime he wanted to take a trip with her she would decline and say she didn't have money to do that, which upset him. And he was happy to see that I travel a lot. I told him I'd have no problem getting use out of his passport lol and literally talked about booking Paris in December, which he was on board with.
Luckily though, nothing for that trip had been booked. I think we both wanted to wait and see how NYC would be first. Good thing.
However, even in those circumstances you have no idea whether or not he intended to only and noticeably always pay for just himself
I'm new here so please bear with me as I tell you the situation. In addition to my full time job, I work part time as a promo model/brand ambassador. One day I locked eyes with this guy who I thought was attractive. Well, we matched about a week later on a dating app. He messaged me and said I was beautiful and that he had been waiting to match with me since he saw me at the festival I was working at the previous week. Convo continues, yada yada, and we decide to meet up for dinner. Dinner date goes well... I pay (as the woman) because it is his birthday and I can't have someone pay for dinner on their birthday.
Fast forward 3 weeks and countless dates. By now, we've both been to each other's place, been intimate, everything going great. He even met a part of my family when we went to an Escape room and theme park and I met his closest friend and Mom. I know things seem to be going very quickly, but I'm in my late 20s, he's in his early 30s. So, we're both ready for long term and it seems natural (not forced). So... because things are going so well I decide to invite him to my friends' birthday group trip to NYC this past weekend. We just returned early yesterday morning. The last text I received from him was at 4:55a yesterday asking if I was on my way home? And then I didn't reply so he messaged me at 5:24a asking if I was home. I didn't see it because I was knocked out, so I messaged him at 8:00a sharp (when my work alarm wakes me up) and apologized for the delay but I had made it home safely.
It's now 2:01pm (EST) and no word...
Now, here's the drama pieces to the puzzle that happened from NYC:
1) Think he was concerned about the relationship between my best guy friend (who's birthday we were celebrating in NYC) and I. He even said I put that guy on a "pedestal." Which I don't believe I do
2) We had a disagreement/small argument about rights and obeying the law. My take is that you should follow the law, regardless of how "dumb" you think it is. His take is to questions every.single.thing about the law. This convo literally started because we were riding bikes in Central Park and were told by Security there that we could only ride bikes in the bike-designated lane (we were in the pedestrian-only area by mistake). He had an issue with authority telling us that... *rolls eye*
3) He was being a buzz kill about how expensive everything was. But, hello. We are in NYC. Of course things are going to be expensive. He never picked up my tab, not even once. And still hasn't paid me back for his half of the accommodations room ($145) in Brooklyn for the 3 nights. So, I was irritated by that and let him know he was kind of being a buzz kill. I should also mention he hasn't picked up my tab ever. We split things evenly after the first date. I have no problem with that. Own my own house (and have tenant renting from me), work full time at a great job and pick up extra money working as a Brand Ambassador. So, I have no issues with paying my own way from time to time. He does cook for me as well every now and then and I know he spends money on that.
4) He eats 7x a day. I'm good with 2x. He has to have a special diet: no gluten, not much sugar/carbs, mostly protein and veggies. I still accommodated his diet as much as possible while we were there. But he's much healthier than I am and I'm much more flexible with certain things than he is
5) I think it would've been better had it just been the two of us. Maybe
So I'm wondering if he just feels we aren't compatible after this weekend trip where you really get to see people's true colors and flaws. I'm not even sure I want to continue, I just appreciate closure. And because I technically texted him last I don't plan on texting him again.
Also, I know it's crazy that we went on a trip together after month 1 lol Please provide me feedback, opinions, suggestions, anything. I know we really don't know until I just suck it up and ask him, but I'm just speculating right now. If I hear back, I'll update the thread.
The guys strikes me as selfish. The father to my grandson seemed very much like this guy. My daughter is a single mother and he's not involved in his life. Place your bets carefully.
Thanks for your reply. We don't live in NYC, we live in a much smaller city in the mid-Atlantic region but I think you were referring to your own situation when you say you blame NYC
If you're going to ghost, I would think ghost properly and not bother asking if I was en route to my house after the trip? and then when you didn't receive a text, ask me again did I make it home? But, I guess ghosting is different for everyone so maybe after he saw I was alive, he felt he could properly disappear b/c at least he knew nothing bad happened to me idk lol
I've ghosted people too in the past for various reasons (lack of convo, catfished to a degree, etc.) and perhaps this is my Karma. What.A.B****
I think your NYC trip definitely shown some incompatibilities that might have contributed to all of this and seems like the guy probably had other interests as his backup plan. Lesson learned, not rush into a relationship by going on a trip so soon without getting to know each other enough and develop a sense of trust.
I told him as Devils Advocate, to see it from the walkers' point of view and they need a "safe space" so to speak of a place to go with their fur friends without bikers whizzing by. He challenged me that if I were to look up our rights, they have no legal standing to tell us where to bike (even though there's a sign there). I just feel some battles aren't worth fighting. And it's not that serious. But he feels it's me being a robot and just following blindly to the law like sheep.
And I wholeheartedly agree. He rents a nice place (by himself) downtown in our city and has a pretty new Jeep. He seems to be good financially, so I do find it a little odd that he never picks up the tab for both of us.
The guy should move up to NYC, the city matches his moral compass. A lot of young guys today don't believe in paying because that's their way of pushing their brand of equality agenda.
I debated with younger guys at work how some expects their wives to prepare dinner, take care of children, and work to contribute to the family just because he makes more money. You call that equality?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SorryImNewHere
What I find heartbreaking the most, is that he seemed to be the opposite of cheap. He ragged on his best friend who's cheap, and said that the reason his passport was collecting dust is because his friends invited him to go on a cruise, but then they flaked and it never happened.
He also said that his ex-girlfriend had so much in savings, but everytime he wanted to take a trip with her she would decline and say she didn't have money to do that, which upset him. And he was happy to see that I travel a lot. I told him I'd have no problem getting use out of his passport lol and literally talked about booking Paris in December, which he was on board with.
Luckily though, nothing for that trip had been booked. I think we both wanted to wait and see how NYC would be first. Good thing.
The guy subscribes to what many millennials do, "Pay myself first" mentality. Selfish, Yes. Cheap, No. I'm sure he'll gladly overpay for certain indulgences.
Last edited by vision33r; 10-25-2017 at 10:05 AM..
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