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I'm new here so please bear with me as I tell you the situation. In addition to my full time job, I work part time as a promo model/brand ambassador. One day I locked eyes with this guy who I thought was attractive. Well, we matched about a week later on a dating app. He messaged me and said I was beautiful and that he had been waiting to match with me since he saw me at the festival I was working at the previous week. Convo continues, yada yada, and we decide to meet up for dinner. Dinner date goes well... I pay (as the woman) because it is his birthday and I can't have someone pay for dinner on their birthday.
Fast forward 3 weeks and countless dates. By now, we've both been to each other's place, been intimate, everything going great. He even met a part of my family when we went to an Escape room and theme park and I met his closest friend and Mom. I know things seem to be going very quickly, but I'm in my late 20s, he's in his early 30s. So, we're both ready for long term and it seems natural (not forced). So... because things are going so well I decide to invite him to my friends' birthday group trip to NYC this past weekend. We just returned early yesterday morning. The last text I received from him was at 4:55a yesterday asking if I was on my way home? And then I didn't reply so he messaged me at 5:24a asking if I was home. I didn't see it because I was knocked out, so I messaged him at 8:00a sharp (when my work alarm wakes me up) and apologized for the delay but I had made it home safely.
It's now 2:01pm (EST) and no word...
Now, here's the drama pieces to the puzzle that happened from NYC:
1) Think he was concerned about the relationship between my best guy friend (who's birthday we were celebrating in NYC) and I. He even said I put that guy on a "pedestal." Which I don't believe I do
2) We had a disagreement/small argument about rights and obeying the law. My take is that you should follow the law, regardless of how "dumb" you think it is. His take is to questions every.single.thing about the law. This convo literally started because we were riding bikes in Central Park and were told by Security there that we could only ride bikes in the bike-designated lane (we were in the pedestrian-only area by mistake). He had an issue with authority telling us that... *rolls eye*
3) He was being a buzz kill about how expensive everything was. But, hello. We are in NYC. Of course things are going to be expensive. He never picked up my tab, not even once. And still hasn't paid me back for his half of the accommodations room ($145) in Brooklyn for the 3 nights. So, I was irritated by that and let him know he was kind of being a buzz kill. I should also mention he hasn't picked up my tab ever. We split things evenly after the first date. I have no problem with that. Own my own house (and have tenant renting from me), work full time at a great job and pick up extra money working as a Brand Ambassador. So, I have no issues with paying my own way from time to time. He does cook for me as well every now and then and I know he spends money on that.
4) He eats 7x a day. I'm good with 2x. He has to have a special diet: no gluten, not much sugar/carbs, mostly protein and veggies. I still accommodated his diet as much as possible while we were there. But he's much healthier than I am and I'm much more flexible with certain things than he is
5) I think it would've been better had it just been the two of us. Maybe
So I'm wondering if he just feels we aren't compatible after this weekend trip where you really get to see people's true colors and flaws. I'm not even sure I want to continue, I just appreciate closure. And because I technically texted him last I don't plan on texting him again.
Also, I know it's crazy that we went on a trip together after month 1 lol Please provide me feedback, opinions, suggestions, anything. I know we really don't know until I just suck it up and ask him, but I'm just speculating right now. If I hear back, I'll update the thread.
You don't need to apologize for taking a couple of hours to reply to a text. Red flag if he doesn't get that. Just wait for him to respond and go from there. No one's been ghosted.
I dont like him.
Dang you covered a LOT of ground in just a month or so.
Take a breath. Your relationship needs it. Retreat to your respective corners and let things calm down a little.
He'll text when he is ready, and you should do the same thing. I know it doesn't seem like it when the heart is pounding, but a little separation to contemplate and refresh is not a bad thing.
Thank you both! Yes, I'm just going to focus on work and my clients right now. If/when he's ready to reach out he'll know where to find me. I did think it was nice that he at least asked if I made it home okay.
Yes - it's been a lot. I feel as if I've known him so much longer. Went to the movies to see the Foreigner with Jackie Chan. Lots of great date nights. But think this trip could've sealed my fate. I'll sit tight and try not to think about it. Nothing I can do about it!
This is why you date -- to find out if you are compatible. Clearly you aren't. No one's fault really.
Let this experience serve as a learning experience -- you need to give a guy space to miss you and you to miss him. Constant contact prevents that. Next time if something similar crops up, take the trip alone. When you come back you will know if he and you are still interested. People need time to process.
Yes, agreed. I really regret not just going on the trip with my friends. Then I would've came back and things probably would've been good.
I also can agree about the compatibility. My friend was saying that our different eating (habits, duration, number of times per day) is a lifestyle. So much bigger than just ordering something different off the menu. I mean I can't even imagine snacking/eating 7x a day.
Going on a trip wasn't a bad idea. A short trip and you had friends there to help you if needed. You didn't go wrong with the invite. If it had worked out differently you would have been glad you brought him along.
Frankly, I would have been turned off by his selfish response regarding the cop telling you guys not to bike in the pedestrian lane. It’s perfectly reasonable to have walkers and cyclists separated for safety and flow.
And a man pays his part of the accommodations and other expenses.
I told him as Devils Advocate, to see it from the walkers' point of view and they need a "safe space" so to speak of a place to go with their fur friends without bikers whizzing by. He challenged me that if I were to look up our rights, they have no legal standing to tell us where to bike (even though there's a sign there). I just feel some battles aren't worth fighting. And it's not that serious. But he feels it's me being a robot and just following blindly to the law like sheep.
And I wholeheartedly agree. He rents a nice place (by himself) downtown in our city and has a pretty new Jeep. He seems to be good financially, so I do find it a little odd that he never picks up the tab for both of us.
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