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so i responded last evening. nothing dramatic.. just basically that i value our friendship and that when it comes down to it, that's really what we've been all along - good friends. that was it. nothing overly sappy, no "putting the ball in her court".
i hear back a little while ago.. she asks me if i know about some new band she was checking out.
so i responded last evening. nothing dramatic.. just basically that i value our friendship and that when it comes down to it, that's really what we've been all along - good friends. that was it. nothing overly sappy, no "putting the ball in her court".
i hear back a little while ago.. she asks me if i know about some new band she was checking out.
ok then!
So she's ready to move on from this, and she expects you to also. You'll have to gauge over the next days and weeks whether or not you can do that.
if the friendship can be salvaged some way, without it driving me nuts, then i'm down.
That sounds good on the surface, but you're only setting yourself up to be disappointed. I did this once, and it was such a mistake. Met someone great toward the end of high school, and we dated for a while. Because I was going off to college, and we didn't want a long-distance thing, the relationship never had a chance to develop.
For years, we stayed friends. Both dated other people during that time. I thought there might be a chance for the game to come back around to me and I could be in the right place at the right time. Fast forward a few years and she leaves a message on my machine to say she got engaged to her b/f. Game over. I could've stayed friends but there would be nothing to gain. I never returned the call and never had any contact with her again. It hurt because I had been in love with her but I had to go my own way after that. Totally my fault for staying in the friend zone all that time. It was a dumb gamble to think I'd have a turn with her again, and I had no idea how much time I was wasting in a losing game.
That sounds good on the surface, but you're only setting yourself up to be disappointed. I did this once, and it was such a mistake. Met someone great toward the end of high school, and we dated for a while. Because I was going off to college, and we didn't want a long-distance thing, the relationship never had a chance to develop.
For years, we stayed friends. Both dated other people during that time. I thought there might be a chance for the game to come back around to me and I could be in the right place at the right time. Fast forward a few years and she leaves a message on my machine to say she got engaged to her b/f. Game over. I could've stayed friends but there would be nothing to gain. I never returned the call and never had any contact with her again. It hurt because I had been in love with her but I had to go my own way after that. Totally my fault for staying in the friend zone all that time. It was a dumb gamble to think I'd have a turn with her again, and I had no idea how much time I was wasting in a losing game.
i completely see the point here. it makes perfect sense. i wish i found this advice easier to follow.
i made it through most of the weekend without thinking of her, and then, today after a quiet evening, she's been on my mind constantly again. i've had serious urges to contact, but i'm trying my best to hold out until the birthday (wednesday).
i just need time to pass already so things can get on however they're going to get on
i made it through most of the weekend without thinking of her, and then, today after a quiet evening, she's been on my mind constantly again. i've had serious urges to contact, but i'm trying my best to hold out until the birthday (wednesday).
i just need time to pass already so things can get on however they're going to get on
It might help if you think about how much of it is just you getting used to breaking the habit of her. It may not be so much your feelings that you have to get over but the fact that she was so much in your daily routine.
Force yourself to think of something else when those thoughts sneak in, and physically get up and change locations if you have to.
i completely see the point here. ... i'm trying my best to hold out until the birthday (wednesday).
For the love of Pete from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, do not - I repeat DO NOT - do anything for her birthday. That is reserved for when you are sitting in the boyfriend chair.
On Wednesday, if you must do something special, do it for yourself. Go out with friends. Buy something for yourself. If nothing else, stay home, watch sports and get drunk. The birthday will come and go. It is just one day.
I think sending a Happy Birthday greeting would probably just cement your status in the friend zone. So sweet of him to text! She'd be more likely to want to pat you on the head than to rip your clothes off.
If you're going to focus your attention on a female, focus it on a woman you're sleeping with or a woman you stand a good chance of sleeping with. I honestly believe, based on what you've shared, that you missed your window of opportunity. Don't beat yourself up about it. That happens sometimes. You need to be proactive to make your own good fortune.
Here's another way this could possibly be looked at: If you spent a few cuddling sessions with her, and didn't feel a strong enough impulse to take it to the next step, maybe you just weren't all that into her. Then, in a sort of wishy-washy way, you try to escalate the relationship, only to be met with "sorry, I'm seeing someone." And, because you always want what you can't have, you're lamenting that she isn't with you, and there's much more of a mystique around her than there needs to be.
For the love of Pete from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, do not - I repeat DO NOT - do anything for her birthday. That is reserved for when you are sitting in the boyfriend chair.
On Wednesday, if you must do something special, do it for yourself. Go out with friends. Buy something for yourself. If nothing else, stay home, watch sports and get drunk. The birthday will come and go. It is just one day.
I think sending a Happy Birthday greeting would probably just cement your status in the friend zone. So sweet of him to text! She'd be more likely to want to pat you on the head than to rip your clothes off.
If you're going to focus your attention on a female, focus it on a woman you're sleeping with or a woman you stand a good chance of sleeping with. I honestly believe, based on what you've shared, that you missed your window of opportunity. Don't beat yourself up about it. That happens sometimes. You need to be proactive to make your own good fortune.
Here's another way this could possibly be looked at: If you spent a few cuddling sessions with her, and didn't feel a strong enough impulse to take it to the next step, maybe you just weren't all that into her. Then, in a sort of wishy-washy way, you try to escalate the relationship, only to be met with "sorry, I'm seeing someone." And, because you always want what you can't have, you're lamenting that she isn't with you, and there's much more of a mystique around her than there needs to be.
I agree with much of what is said here. I had chances before with a woman that is gone now. I had a chance to be with her, but didn't make much of my opportunities. At one point, she had the name of our kid picked out. The allure now that they're out of the pic is stronger.
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