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That's pretty much it. We've openly talked about this. He told me doesn't care if I stay or go, he says he has no issue with me sitting in the kitchen and doing my work, but he will be playing his games because that is his hobby and I understand that. He has told me "it's not that I want you to leave, I just want play my games." I honestly take no offense to it and thought everything was great until he mentioned he misses sleeping alone.
Ha! I've been with my husband for almost 19 years, when he goes away for an overnight trip - I LOVE having that big bed all to myself for the night. LOVE. IT.
..and then I love when he comes back.
There's nothing wrong with that and not indicative of a problem, IMO.
Have you asked him where he would like to make adjustments to the schedule? I would also ask him how long he's been feeling this way?
You've been together for 2-years, if this is a new feeling then you should be concerned that he's pushing away from you. You mentioned he's a slow moving guy, so maybe he's been feeling this way the entire time and is just now talking to you about it which is not as alarming.
He mentioned not having a weekend night to himself. Maybe on your Friday nights out with friends, you go home to your place to spend the night. On some of those weeknights, when he goes to his room, you go home instead of sitting there by yourself.
What is your idea of compromise in this situation?
Like you mentioned I think I can go home after he wants to play games, or only stop by on like Monday and Wednesday and go home Tuesday and Thursdays.
I still think this is a temporary fix, because I want to live with the person I've been dating long term at some point, regardless of who that ends up being.
Like you mentioned I think I can go home after he wants to play games, or only stop by on like Monday and Wednesday and go home Tuesday and Thursdays.
I still think this is a temporary fix, because I want to live with the person I've been dating long term at some point, regardless of who that ends up being.
yes, and that is totally normal and understandable.
After two years, most people are married or live together already.
Ha! I've been with my husband for almost 19 years, when he goes away for an overnight trip - I LOVE having that big bed all to myself for the night. LOVE. IT.
..and then I love when he comes back.
There's nothing wrong with that and not indicative of a problem, IMO.
I asked my boyfriend what will happen if we moved in together and share a bed every night, and he said "I'll just have to put up with it then, that's what people do."
I can't help but take slight offense when he says stuff like that :/
Like you mentioned I think I can go home after he wants to play games, or only stop by on like Monday and Wednesday and go home Tuesday and Thursdays.
I still think this is a temporary fix, because I want to live with the person I've been dating long term at some point, regardless of who that ends up being.
I completely agree. I think you need to sit down and tell him that. Encourage him to be honest with you, even if it does hurt you a little.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maryjok92
I asked my boyfriend what will happen if we moved in together and share a bed every night, and he said "I'll just have to put up with it then, that's what people do."
I can't help but take slight offense when he says stuff like that :/
There are many couples who live together but sleep separately for one reason or another. It's not as unusual as one would think. My own mom and dad haven't slept in the same bed nor room for more than 35 years.
I think it's time to consider whether you are actually "really in love" or whether you two are just very comfortable with each other and have fun together.
Because if it's the latter, then it's probably good that grad school is coming up and it's an hour away.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
What is the definition of ignoring for you? To me, he is absolutely ignoring you. If I go see my bf and he goes into a room and closes the door and it isn't the bathroom, I'll leave. Because that obviously means he doesn't want to see me.
I have to admit, that IS kind of weird....and, it would make me feel like he's trying to get away from me and not wanting me to be there.
So, if he did that to me, after I took the time to drive out there to visit WITH him and to spend time withhim, I would do what Rbbcl said...I would go up to the door and talk to him through it and say:
"Well, I'm taking off now. Have a good night. Oh, and just so you know, I won't be coming by here anymore. If you want to spend time with me, YOU can drive over to my place to visit me. Later."
OP thinks he's not being 'mean' by going in his room and blatantly shutting the door and STAYING in there for the remainder of her visit; but to me, that action SPEAKS VOLUMES. Whether he's playing video games in his room (why doesn't he invite her in there to play WITH him?? ), clipping his toenails, watching porn or watching House of Cards on tv, he obviously wants to do those things WITHOUT HER being present. That ALONE would have me running for the hills.
Seriously though, if after TWO YEARS of being together, my BF did that on the regular IN ADDITION TO him 'joking' around with me to go home after sex and told me that he's 'feeling smothered' by me, I would grant him his wish and simply DISAPPEAR.
There are other guys out there who would treasure the time spent with their GF and who wouldn't shut themselves in their room for the rest of the night while she's there to visit HIM.
I think the OP deserves sooo much better than this guy who obviously isn't compatible with her and doesn't have the cojones to tell her straight up that he does NOT want to spend as much time with her as she wants to spend with him.
This ^^ is him in essence telling you to get lost.
Shutting the door is a pretty big hint. I would feel awkward just hanging around my BF's place occupying myself if he went in his room and shut the door. I would go home.
And not only the boyfriend, but the roommate is there, too. The OP says that she and the roomie are pals, but I would be really weirded out if my roommate's SO was hanging around our place all the time without him or with him in the other room. I would want her to go home, too.
I asked my boyfriend what will happen if we moved in together and share a bed every night, and he said "I'll just have to put up with it then, that's what people do."
... is NOT love. There's a reason you get "offended" when he says that. It shows how he REALLY feels about your relationship.
I know that many couples sleep separately, and that could work for them. But it obviously isn't what YOU want.
Love is about excitement and yearning. Comfortable is complacency. Love means you can't imagine him NOT being there. Comfortable means you don't really care one way or another.
It just doesn;t sound like y'all are on the same page when it comes to love.
Time for you to back off and get your own life. Don't go to his house unless you are invited. He has been telling you what he wants and that is to see less of you. Just be glad you found out before you did something stupid like get married or have a kid!
Make your own friends. Date other people and do things with others. If he wants to ask you out, he has your number. And if he never calls that's OK. He didn't want you anyway!
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), clipping his toenails, watching porn or watching House of Cards on tv, he obviously wants to do those things WITHOUT HER being present. That ALONE would have me running for the hills. 
