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Me and my ex split nearly two weeks ago. We were together four months.
It was a pretty amazing relationship, as after 4 months, we were still in the honeymoon phase. He seemed head-over-heels and would often say stuff like he thinks we will get married. All his friends loved me. He has only had 2 relationships before me in his early 20s, and is extremely extremely shy.
We're both kind of going through a lot right now - I am seeking work after graduating. He is majorly stressed at work, has had a promotion, just bought a new house and feels overwhelmed. He told me on the phone his doctor had diagnosed him with alopecia.
Our relationship was definitely a source of stress too because of the distance between us and having to travel to see each other every weekend - ex had to juggle his working hours around my visits. We both got overwhelmed I think with our own stresses and wanting to see each other.
Ex doesn't have great mental health. Has very limited relationship experience. When we broke up it seemed like it was the result of stress - we had a minor disagreement about something and he said "I think we should break up". We hardly ever disagree, in fact, we have only done so once before.
So, for the last week or so I honored his choice. Didn't contact or anything. He text me once saying congratulations for finishing my degree. I replied yesterday saying thank you and can we have a talk sometime soon?
I expected the call to "finalise" things i.e. collect our things from one another. I didn't expect the call this weekend either. However, he text back saying he was free whenever I wanted to talk. So we arranged for today.
I rang him at 10am - I didn't hang up until 5.30pm. We spoke about how we were (stressed) and what we had been up to. We spoke about our past holiday, were laughing and talking about anything and everything for the whole time. We flirted and it was just so nice. It wasn't the phonecall I was expecting at all. I only hung up at that time because I needed to go to work. He said that it was amazing to talk and that he would talk to me later...
Is this normal? I really miss him and want us to work. I am happy to give him all the space, time and support he needs. I am making progress to work on my own stress. My best friend (male) said he wouldn't have invested so much time in an ex he had no intention of getting back with... especially not 7 hours! But I don't want to get my hopes up... perhaps he was just being nice?
How do things proceed? I won't be contacting for a few days as I am really busy, but I want to maintain contact without being overwhelming - is that a good plan?
This type of thing is not at all unusual, but it is not a good indicator that all is well. It's just a variation of the honeymoon stage that happens when you miss something familiar. Again, I wouldn't read anything more into it than sentimentality.
Let him contact you. That way he might feel less stress.
Neither of you sound like your schedules are good enough to sustain a steady relationship. Sure it feels good to make up, but maybe you’re moving too fast.
This type of thing is not at all unusual, but it is not a good indicator that all is well. It's just a variation of the honeymoon stage that happens when you miss something familiar. Again, I wouldn't read anything more into it than sentimentality.
The ridiculously long phone call after a break-up. It's that sentimental stage where the wounds of the past have faded a bit and your loneliness blinds you to what was wrong, making you notice only what sounds and feels good in the moment.
Do you not remember how he treated you when you last visited him, in person?
My best friend (male) said he wouldn't have invested so much time in an ex he had no intention of getting back with... especially not 7 hours! But I don't want to get my hopes up... perhaps he was just being nice?
How do things proceed? I won't be contacting for a few days as I am really busy, but I want to maintain contact without being overwhelming - is that a good plan?
I have spoken to an ex for 7 hours on the phone before. Just to catch up, talk about old times, etc. Meant nothing, and we didn't make plans to get together ever again. Almost a Goodbye call.
How to proceed? See if he talks about getting back together. He is the one that broke up with you. Do not chase him, you do not want to be perceived in that way.
Oh, that guy! The guy who has a severe lack of experience in relationships and yelled at you for no reason the last time you went to visit him. He's a jerk and you're well rid of him. Don't open that can of worms again, because that's a spoiled can of worms right there!!
First of all- 4 months is nothing, and you break up over something stupid. Second of all, you are both young with stuff going on to start your adult lives. Chill out and date around.
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