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It comes up when I'm noticeably struggling with something I used to be able to do. That is not unreasonable. Like I said, it doesn't come up in our day to day lives because he can't handle it. I think alot of the comments on here have been pretty nasty, and I expected that. I've been posting on these boards for over 20 years, so it's no surprise. I'm done now, hope you all have a nice day.
Look, the comment here have not been terribly nasty; they have just been blunt. You are at fault here also but the main problem is that your husband does not give a rat's @ss about your chronic condition. That is inexcusable.
There may be a reason for that that we don't know about, that only YOU understand. It's hard to believe he would just be a random jerk about this one thing. It would makea sense if you tended to use similar issues as excuses for other things in the past. But if you KNOW you get brain fog from Lyme disease, then it stands to reason that you shouldn't have agreed to Scrabble.
Even so, I don't understand how your spouse gets a pass to ignore a chronic condition like that.
If we put aside the scrabble tiles here and look at what is really the issue and probably what the OP is really driving at is that she has hurt feelings because the husband doesn't appear to have much empathy and sympathy for her. The game playing and taking too long per turn is really secondary here.
OP calmly approach you're husband and just tell him how feel and try to not be inflammatory and you might actually have a conversation about it.
If this was already said, sorry. I didn't read the entire thread.
If we put aside the scrabble tiles here and look at what is really the issue and probably what the OP is really driving at is that she has hurt feelings because the husband doesn't appear to have much empathy and sympathy for her. The game playing and taking too long per turn is really secondary here.
OP calmly approach you're husband and just tell him how feel and try to not be inflammatory and you might actually have a conversation about it.
If this was already said, sorry. I didn't read the entire thread.
It's definitely not about the game. But the way she handles things isn't up to par, either.
Oh dear one. Do you think it may just be too painful for him to see you suffer? Maybe he loves you so much that he just can't handle what happened to you? People project their pain on the very person they should be protecting sometimes. Is he being rude? Yes, but why. It's a very difficult thing to watch your loved one decline. Some people handle it better then others.
Look, the comment here have not been terribly nasty; they have just been blunt. You are at fault here also but the main problem is that your husband does not give a rat's @ss about your chronic condition. That is inexcusable.
There may be a reason for that that we don't know about, that only YOU understand. It's hard to believe he would just be a random jerk about this one thing. It would makea sense if you tended to use similar issues as excuses for other things in the past. But if you KNOW you get brain fog from Lyme disease, then it stands to reason that you shouldn't have agreed to Scrabble.
Even so, I don't understand how your spouse gets a pass to ignore a chronic condition like that.
She said "he can't handle it" not "doesn't care." I may have misinterpreted incorrectly but I didn't see anywhere that he doesn't care.
She said "he can't handle it" not "doesn't care." I may have misinterpreted incorrectly but I didn't see anywhere that he doesn't care.
You may be right, but these are the things she said that indicated to me that he just doesn't really care and doesn't want to deal with it:
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjay
We've discussed my illness, he basically wants nothing to do with it and I try not to mention it to him because what's the point? He doesn't want to hear it. Nothing to talk about there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjay
I keep my Lyme issues away from my husband as I know he doesn't want to hear about it, deal with it, or think about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjay
It's hurtful when someone's actions remind you of how you no longer add up, especially when they are the only family you have.
The OP definitely (and admittedly) contributed to the conflict, but their biggest problem seems to be that they are emotionally detached and don't seem to be trying to correct that.
You may be right, but these are the things she said that indicated to me that he just doesn't really care and doesn't want to deal with it
Yes, but, OP also pulled the Lyme card when he complained about her taking so long. So despite her constantly saying she doesn't harp on it, she more than likely does it a lot, and that's why he is sick of hearing about it.
Yes, but, OP also pulled the Lyme card when he complained about her taking so long. So despite her constantly saying she doesn't harp on it, she more than likely does it a lot, and that's why he is sick of hearing about it.
Yes, which is why I wrote this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
The OP definitely (and admittedly) contributed to the conflict...
i would assume your husband just wants to treat you like he would anyone and not let your disabilities hold you back.
The issue obviously has nothing to do with scrabble. It’s the inability to give and take going in both directions.
Do you have a support or peer group outside of your marriage OP?
This kind of comes off as someone placing way too many responsibilities on to one person and the eventual conflicts between them.
...the condition could evolve into something that can feel like a control mechanism to those living around you (rhetorical you and not the OP personally).
Having a hard time doing things doesn't mean someone cant do anything, but they might need supervision or someone to pick up where they leave off. Like starting to wash a sink full of dishes, but not having the strength to finish them.
The person with the illness may always want someone to be around in case they need them. They could be genuinely fearful, whether that fear has a good basis or not, to be alone for any length of time, or maybe even not left alone at all.
For the family of the sick person, this can start to feel like someone is trying to control them, like the illness is being used to achieve the goal of controlling every action, every move, every day, all day long. One can add to that, if they start to think that the person is not as sick as they want to act like they are, then they will start to dislike what they perceive to be that person's selfishness, and look to step outside of their control at any opportunity.
They may not choose to attempt to call the sick person out on their suspicions, because they don't want to be told that they don't care anymore than they already have been told that, but they will look to get away from the sick person at the first sign of an attempt to control.
The sick person may find themselves achieving the opposite of what they want or need. If they indeed are playing up their illness to control their family, this tool could actually work against the sick person and drive everyone away from them eventually instead.
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