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Wondering if anyone can provide insight on this so that I can understand it a bit better. My Boyfriend's mom doesn't seen to like me because I can sense that It's due to her jealousy. I don't think it's intentional dislike towards me specifically (she prob will dislike any girl my bf brings home.. which hasn't been many because I'm his first gf) and I just want to understand why his mom acts like that..? It bothers me but for now, I'm just going to brush it off and not bring it up to my bf because I don't want to stress him out or make him feel bad.. we've been together for 1.5 year and I was hoping she would warm up to me or the idea that her 32 year old son will eventually need a gf/wife/family of his own but she still hasn't. I just don't understand it.. isn't that what a mom would want for her kids..for them to grow up, meet a s.o, be happy for them, give their blessings, etc.?
I guess this is a mini rant and open topic for discussion. I really hope his mom changes her attitude soon.. -_-
Wondering if anyone can provide insight on this so that I can understand it a bit better. My Boyfriend's mom doesn't seen to like me because I can sense that It's due to her jealousy. I don't think it's intentional dislike towards me specifically (she prob will dislike any girl my bf brings home.. which hasn't been many because I'm his first gf) and I just want to understand why his mom acts like that..? It bothers me but for now, I'm just going to brush it off and not bring it up to my bf because I don't want to stress him out or make him feel bad.. we've been together for 1.5 year and I was hoping she would warm up to me or the idea that her 32 year old son will eventually need a gf/wife/family of his own but she still hasn't. I just don't understand it.. isn't that what a mom would want for her kids..for them to grow up, meet a s.o, be happy for them, give their blessings, etc.?
I guess this is a mini rant and open topic for discussion. I really hope his mom changes her attitude soon.. -_-
She probably won't change, FYI.
But it's impossible for us to know the actual problem without knowing YOU and how you interact with her and the source of your conflict.
We could speculate all night long, but ... the bottom line is that, no, there are plenty of parents out there who don't want what you'd think they should want for their kids.
I experienced this in spades with my now ex MIL. For years she treated me so horribly, spoke so disparagingly about everything that had to do with me (she even trashed my country). She was downright venomous - she ransacked my apartment when I left a key with her, snooped through personal correspondence between her son and I, stole things from me, mocked the food I prepared, you name it.
But she did change - twice, actually. First, when I bore her only grandchild. She learned to tolerate my presence after that, because she knew it was the only way to access the grandson. Second, years after I divorced her precious son, she took my side against her own son. Once she too took off her rose colored glasses and let it sink in that her son was a narcissist at best, she expressed her gratitude towards me for all that I had sacrificed and put up with from her son while providing the lion's share of care of the grandson.
It took years, but it did get better. It's up to you if you want to ride it out. If you want to stay with him, I suggest developing specific boundaries now - for the two of you as a couple vs. the mother. If he's not going to support you on that, then say goodbye now. No matter how crummy my ex was, he always defended me when she came after me to him. It never would have worked otherwise.
Wondering if anyone can provide insight on this so that I can understand it a bit better. My Boyfriend's mom doesn't seen to like me because I can sense that It's due to her jealousy. I don't think it's intentional dislike towards me specifically (she prob will dislike any girl my bf brings home.. which hasn't been many because I'm his first gf) and I just want to understand why his mom acts like that..? It bothers me but for now, I'm just going to brush it off and not bring it up to my bf because I don't want to stress him out or make him feel bad.. we've been together for 1.5 year and I was hoping she would warm up to me or the idea that her 32 year old son will eventually need a gf/wife/family of his own but she still hasn't. I just don't understand it.. isn't that what a mom would want for her kids..for them to grow up, meet a s.o, be happy for them, give their blessings, etc.?
I guess this is a mini rant and open topic for discussion. I really hope his mom changes her attitude soon.. -_-
Why do you assume she is "jealous"? I find that young-ish girls think every negative emotion from another woman is because she is jealous -why? You're taking her "boy" away from her? Does he even do stuff with his mom? Because you're so cute?
Maybe she doesn't think you're a good influence? Oh - he's 32 and you're his first? Have you considered why that is? Could be many reasons - but if you say she's "jealous" you get to feel good about yourself and put her down at the same time. So either ignore her or talk to her about it - be a grown up and not high-schoolish about how you handle it.
I experienced this in spades with my now ex MIL. For years she treated me so horribly, spoke so disparagingly about everything that had to do with me (she even trashed my country). She was downright venomous - she ransacked my apartment when I left a key with her, snooped through personal correspondence between her son and I, stole things from me, mocked the food I prepared, you name it.
But she did change - twice, actually. First, when I bore her only grandchild. She learned to tolerate my presence after that, because she knew it was the only way to access the grandson. Second, years after I divorced her precious son, she took my side against her own son. Once she too took off her rose colored glasses and let it sink in that her son was a narcissist at best, she expressed her gratitude towards me for all that I had sacrificed and put up with from her son while providing the lion's share of care of the grandson.
It took years, but it did get better. It's up to you if you want to ride it out. If you want to stay with him, I suggest developing specific boundaries now - for the two of you as a couple vs. the mother. If he's not going to support you on that, then say goodbye now. No matter how crummy my ex was, he always defended me when she came after me to him. It never would have worked otherwise.
I know she won't go that far, but I can tell she doesn't like me. Even my bf jokes around in the beginning that she will get jealous once she learns hes got a girlfriend. My boyfriend will always defend me but since my interactions with his mom is limited (only see her for family gatherings), I don't want to bring it up. But I notice everytime I attend these events, the way she greets me/looks at me is different to everyone else. I can sense that she only says hi and stuff to only be civil.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
Why do you assume she is "jealous"? I find that young-ish girls think every negative emotion from another woman is because she is jealous -why? You're taking her "boy" away from her? Does he even do stuff with his mom? Because you're so cute?
Maybe she doesn't think you're a good influence? Oh - he's 32 and you're his first? Have you considered why that is? Could be many reasons - but if you say she's "jealous" you get to feel good about yourself and put her down at the same time. So either ignore her or talk to her about it - be a grown up and not high-schoolish about how you handle it.
Um.. I am ignoring her, wtf? Not sure why you're the one so offended I just created a thread for discussion, but mentioned I am going to ignore her for my boyfriend's sake. Doesnt think I'm a good influence? My bf and I are both young working professionals, it's not like I'm a deadbeat that sits around and gold dig her son. And yeah, we got together when he was 30 and I'm his first. And I know why that is, because he even said himself he never wanted a gf (always the type to date girls but never got serious) until he met me. So what?
And yes, he does do stuff for his mom. A LOT actually. He still lives at home now because he helps his parents financially, and pays for utilities and mortgage, and even bought them a car that they're driving now. Why don't YOU be less judgemental until you know the full story. Sounds like you're much older than I am to be calling me a "young girl" so you should know that every relationship is different and I have every right to assume that his mom is jealous- especially if my own bf has warned me in the beginning as well. Jokingly, but I took it with a grain of salt.
We really can't diagnose her from here, but you can't do anything to change her. Your best bet is to be yourself, as you would with anyone in your BF's family, and take the high road.
Honestly, this is your boyfriend's issue to manage, since he is her son and your BF, so hopefully he steps up for you when necessary. If things never get confrontational and she us just "cold," then at least you know what you're dealing with.
It sounds like he is aware of her problem, so be sure he understands how it affects you.
Does he plan to get his own place soon? If he intends to live there and support them until they can't live independently any more, you may need to make some difficult choices.
I know she won't go that far, but I can tell she doesn't like me. Even my bf jokes around in the beginning that she will get jealous once she learns hes got a girlfriend. My boyfriend will always defend me but since my interactions with his mom is limited (only see her for family gatherings), I don't want to bring it up. But I notice everytime I attend these events, the way she greets me/looks at me is different to everyone else. I can sense that she only says hi and stuff to only be civil.
Um.. I am ignoring her, wtf? Not sure why you're the one so offended I just created a thread for discussion, but mentioned I am going to ignore her for my boyfriend's sake. Doesnt think I'm a good influence? My bf and I are both young working professionals, it's not like I'm a deadbeat that sits around and gold dig her son. And yeah, we got together when he was 30 and I'm his first. And I know why that is, because he even said himself he never wanted a gf (always the type to date girls but never got serious) until he met me. So what?
And yes, he does do stuff for his mom. A LOT actually. He still lives at home now because he helps his parents financially, and pays for utilities and mortgage, and even bought them a car that they're driving now. Why don't YOU be less judgemental until you know the full story. Sounds like you're much older than I am to be calling me a "young girl" so you should know that every relationship is different and I have every right to assume that his mom is jealous- especially if my own bf has warned me in the beginning as well. Jokingly, but I took it with a grain of salt.
Ah ha, I think this is the root of the issue. She might be threatened by you. After all, if he marries you, he will (one would hope) move out and probably not help out as much.
Another thing, if he lives at home, why do you only see her at family get-togethers? You never go over there and hang out? Does she feel like you are avoiding her?
And yes, he does do stuff for his mom. A LOT actually. He still lives at home now because he helps his parents financially, and pays for utilities and mortgage, and even bought them a car that they're driving now. Why don't YOU be less judgemental until you know the full story. Sounds like you're much older than I am to be calling me a "young girl" so you should know that every relationship is different and I have every right to assume that his mom is jealous- especially if my own bf has warned me in the beginning as well. Jokingly, but I took it with a grain of salt.
THERE YOU GO. This is your reason. Mom is worried the money flow stops because of you. Which naturally will happen most of the times.
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