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Sorry for a long post. Tried to shorten it but it then made no sense. My boyfriend did a type of game last Saturday morning, a sort of forfeit game turning into a double or quits sequence based on geography questions. Well it got to a phase where he'd led me to a point where I was down for being naked and doing humiliating things at the end of the game. Nothing sick but stuff like star jumps naked while saying something derogatory about myself or women. Anyway, before the game ended and before I had to do the forfeits, he answered a question wrong so I got it all quitted. He seemed determined to gamble back to the point we'd been but it went in my favour. I did what I would always do on gambles. and ended the game while I was ahead and he point blank refused to do the forfeits. That didn't bother me at all. But on Monday on a phone conversation I asked him if he would have made me do my forfeits and he admitted he would. That needled me a bit. Saw him in the evening and I asked him what would have happened if I'd refused and he said he'd have gone mad and maybe even ended the relationship (which is into its 3rd month). I pressed him whether he was serious and he got real tetchy and insisted he would. I was really hoping he'd say he was joking. That made me go from needled to livid. I asked him why he'd steered it to being naked and doing humiliating things and he said he'd liked the idea of me being humiliated naked. I thought ermm ok (don't want to be stuffy) but he then went on and admitted he felt a sort of sexist feeling about it and even in a nasty way. I said but what about you having to do it. He said he'd never expected to lose or he wouldn't have started it. I told him in quite a raised voice that for him to start a game like that because he thought he'd win and then refuse to do the forfeits because he lost was unfair and bigoted and he said I was sounding like a mad feminist. That really got to me and I went into stony silence and he stormed off. He text me saying sorry but after I text if what he'd said was true he said yes but he understands it was wrong. I asked if the sexist bit was true and he told me stop asking. None of this bothered me until Tuesday and it wormed into my head. Is he sexist? Does he harbour ill views of women? Does he resent me? Would he actually have finished with me? I've not seen or spoken to him for 2 days. I just don't want to. A work colleague said I should make him play the game again and finish with him if he loses and doesn't do the forfeits. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. I don't think this will finish us but it's screwing with my head.
Anyway should I..
a/ Forget about it all and just stay with him
b/ Leave him
c/ Stay with him but make him do his forfeits
d/ Have a replay of the game
e/ Talk to him about it.....again
How old are you? My advice will depend on whether you are an adult or a teen. It's not a problem either way, but what I would advise an adult to do, or a teenager, would be different.
A teenager: You should probably break up. This isn't the sort of thing you are ready to explore, in my opinion. Give yourself time, learn to walk before you run.
An adult: There are resources to educate yourself on what his deal is. Do not assume that he is truly sexist. This is more of a sexual fetish thing. Nothing wrong with that, but he shouldn't do such things with you unless you are informed and consenting. In other words, you guys bumbled into something that shouldn't be taken so lightly. There are ways to do it right, ways to do it wrong. You should both do some research.
Either way: If something like this is more disturbing than fun for you, then don't do it. And if he wants to maneuver himself into positions of power over you without your honest informed discussion and consent, then he is a violator of your consent and rights and you should absolutely break up with him and stay away from him.
... is the only thing you need to focus on right now.
Fetish or not, he is being manipulative and dishonest, and that is wrong.
Being sexual with him should not make you uncomfortable, and he should not USE you to make himself get off.
I would not want to speak with him again at all.
That is an excellent point.
Guess I'd say if you do wind up running into him, he could stand to be told to research what is behind this so that if he feels compelled to explore it in the future, he doesn't violate the consent of anyone else.
Tricking somebody to participate in your fetish through some game, without making sure it's ok with them first, is wrong in my opinion. It would be nice if he never did that again.
Tricking somebody to participate in your fetish through some game, without making sure it's ok with them first, is wrong in my opinion. It would be nice if he never did that again.
Yep. If it's gonna work, you gotta own that stuff.
I would never see this person again. In my opinion, something like this is not a game or a fetish. Your boyfriend is sick. You can do what you want, but I would RUN away from this person and consider myself lucky.
If he is as mentally disturbed as I think he is this could only build into something terrible for you. I can see many possibilities, and depending how far the limits are pushed, the possibilities could include someone's death.
What do you need it for? Any woman deserves better.
If you see him face to face, and he asks what happened, I would simply tell him, "I'm not your type of girl." and get away from him as quickly and as safely as I could.
At the very least, games are supposed to be fun for everyone playing them, and he's already told you he has no intention of it being fun for you.
Sorry for a long post. Tried to shorten it but it then made no sense. My boyfriend did a type of game last Saturday morning, a sort of forfeit game turning into a double or quits sequence based on geography questions. Well it got to a phase where he'd led me to a point where I was down for being naked and doing humiliating things at the end of the game. Nothing sick but stuff like star jumps naked while saying something derogatory about myself or women. Anyway, before the game ended and before I had to do the forfeits, he answered a question wrong so I got it all quitted. He seemed determined to gamble back to the point we'd been but it went in my favour. I did what I would always do on gambles. and ended the game while I was ahead and he point blank refused to do the forfeits. That didn't bother me at all. But on Monday on a phone conversation I asked him if he would have made me do my forfeits and he admitted he would. That needled me a bit. Saw him in the evening and I asked him what would have happenedif I'd refused and he said he'd have gone mad and maybe even ended the relationship (which is into its 3rd month). I pressed him whether he was serious and he got real tetchy and insisted he would. I was really hoping he'd say he was joking. That made me go from needled to livid. I asked him why he'd steered it to being naked and doing humiliating things and he said he'd liked the idea of me being humiliated naked. I thought ermm ok (don't want to be stuffy) but he then went on and admitted he felt a sort of sexist feeling about it and even in a nasty way. I said but what about you having to do it. He said he'd never expected to lose or he wouldn't have started it. I told him in quite a raised voice that for him to start a game like that because he thought he'd win and then refuse to do the forfeits because he lost was unfair and bigoted and he said I was sounding like a mad feminist. That really got to me and I went into stony silence and he stormed off. He text me saying sorry but after I text if what he'd said was true he said yes but he understands it was wrong. I asked if the sexist bit was true and he told me stop asking. None of this bothered me until Tuesday and it wormed into my head. Is he sexist? Does he harbour ill views of women? Does he resent me? Would he actually have finished with me? I've not seen or spoken to him for 2 days. I just don't want to. A work colleague said I should make him play the game again and finish with him if he loses and doesn't do the forfeits. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. I don't think this will finish us but it's screwing with my head.
Anyway should I..
a/ Forget about it all and just stay with him
b/ Leave him
c/ Stay with him but make him do his forfeits
d/ Have a replay of the game
e/ Talk to him about it.....again
Read the bold sentences above. Anything there that bothers you? Because they seriously bother me...
If you are OK with all that - stay with him, and serve to his sick imagination. But if you have some self respect still left, leave him and don't look back. Your choice.
"...and another common trait is their habituation to being treated with degradation. The pimp knows this well and uses both degradation, alternating with the threat of abandonment, to control the...."
Degradation with the threat of abandonment. The psychology being employed is the same a pimp uses to turn a girl/guy out on the street.
I wouldn't call him a feminist or even a sexist. I think the term predator would be more accurate based on what you wrote.
Last edited by ComeCloser; 11-10-2017 at 04:14 AM..
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How is this post titled, "Is my boyfriend a feminist"???
