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Here is a novel idea for the OP to consider: just like weddings, couples can choose to spend their time and money how they wish. Vow renewals are nothing new.
I recall 2 vow renewals I've attended. The first was sometime in the mid/late 1970's. My three times married, Catholic grandmother finally managed to get her first two marriages annulled in the Church. She had been married to my grandfather for years. For their 35th wedding anniversary they renewed vows/married in the Church. She wore a pretty dress. Grandpa wore a nice suit. After the ceremony they had a very nice party with food, drinks, band (they loved to dance), etc. It was a "wedding" reception. All of our family, extended family, and their many friends were in attendance.
About six years ago my parents renewed their vows after 50 years at a Cathedral in a nearby city. All of the many couples at the mass were married at least 50 years. It was wonderful and powerful seeing all of these long married couples renew their vows. My siblings and I organized a party for them at a restaurant that had a private room. Guests included all of their children, grandchildren, siblings, nieces, nephews, and a few friends. One was a friend that my mother hadn't seen in years. She was a member of their original wedding party. I would guess there were at least 60 people there given the immediate family numbers about 25 or so members.
I think celebrating and renewing one's vows sends a powerful message to younger generations about the commitment that marriage is.
Doing so after 10 or 20 years though seems a bit much.
OP, if you feel this strongly about not renewing vows under any circumstance, maybe you need to explore more why you do not want to consider doing so. I get that you do not want the extravagant wedding like a newly-wed couple, but there is no reason a renewal of vows must be a costly affair.
Would you be against renewing vows if done economically? What if the cost were nothing?
I do not mean to imply you should or must. I just think a downright an absolute refusal of it, if it is important to your wife, explores some consideration towards the state of your marriage and your commitment to your wife. If such a renewal could be done within reason... it seems an easy enough thing to do which may help grow your marriage and relationship even closer.
I sort of get it, but for us, a renewal of vows would amount to, "Do you still wanna stay married?" We're both still here, so the answer is clearly a "Yes" for us both. We keep things simple.
Next up: A renewal of divorce decrees! I think that makes as much sense, and if I thought it mattered, I'd do that if my ex ever asks.
I think there needs to be extraordinary circumstances, such as a couple marrying quickly because a spouse is being deployed or a life changing event.
That said - i did see a beautiful vow renewal take place at a wedding. It was a first wedding with two people in their late 40's and both of their parents had been married over 50 years. Both of the elderly couples renewed their vows at their child's wedding at the same time before the couple said their vows. It was beautiful and touching.
I’ve actually gone to two big, destination weddings that weren’t advertised as renewal ceremonies, but both the couples were already married. I had to go because one was my son, and one was my niece, but in my heart I was resentful about how much it cost for an event that wasn’t really necessary.
My husband and I are going to Vegas to renew our vows; just the two of us. We think it will be fun. Maybe we will get married by an Elvis impersonator.
Our first wedding was in an old Blacksmith shop in Scotland; just the two of us.
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