Happily married people: how to choose a partner wisely?

[NewYorker11356]

Originally Posted by kygman

For me, when I really felt comfortable with her, I know she's the one. By the second date I was talking to my present wife like I've known her for years. Had a feeling like she was the one.
The main thing is don't try to find that special person. Just get out and have fun. They'll show up when you least expect it. I was a few months out of a divorce and was mainly just looking for somebody to do things with. If it led to more, fine. If it didn't, fine too.

I both agree and disagree with this. You definitely should not be desperate and act like you absolutely need someone, or anyone to be in a relationship with. At the same time, I think you should definitely look for that person, and not just wait to hope they'll show up when you least expect it. That isn't realistic.

[LaBuenaVida]

Originally Posted by marketa

I have been meeting many guys over the last couple of years. Some my mind approves of, but I don't feel romantic towards them. Others, that I actually feel drawn to instantly, are not the best for me, when you analyze the type of person they are.

How to make a wise choice? Listen to the mind? To the heart? What if I'm not meeting people that both my heart and mind agree on?

Thanks!

If you listen to your mind and don't have any romantic feelings towards them, that won't work. If you listen to your heart and KNOW they are not the right type of person, that won't work either. I don't believe in the soulmate B.S. and that there is only one person out there for you. There may be more than one who may be right for you at different times in your life. Anyone is lucky to find someone to spend 50 years with.

I would describe the right person as someone who makes me laugh, loves me on my worst days, is a kind and good person, shares the same values and morals as I do, can cook a good meal, takes care of me when I'm sick, and also has common interests/likes. I believe that you have to be physically/sexually compatible as well. Is it difficult to find someone who fits all of those things? Possibly, but not impossible. Everyone has things that may be non-negotiable - and if you settle, somewhere down the line it's going to be an issue. A friend of mine is particular about a person's grammar and how they eat (no talking with your mouth full kind of thing). That may not be an issue for everyone but if it's an issue for you, there is no getting past that. You may be okay for a while but someday it's likely to be a problem. Of course, that's just an example.

I don't know how old you are but keep on looking. Don't settle...and don't expect to change anyone! People usually are what they show you!

[singaporelady]

Originally Posted by NewYorker11356

I both agree and disagree with this. You definitely should not be desperate and act like you absolutely need someone, or anyone to be in a relationship with. At the same time, I think you should definitely look for that person, and not just wait to hope they'll show up when you least expect it. That isn't realistic.

Yeah I agree it isn't realistic, So how do one go about looking for the person ?