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you guys know you have to give each other some space to breathe , right? smothering, having to agree on where to go, making decisions, 2 people acting like one, it is not easy. how long have you been dating, and do you see each other together in the future are more important questions. Even the number of kids you would like to have is important. you both should go to a couple of sessions of couple counseling , to learn how to listen and respond to each other. going to counseling does not mean anything special, like the relationship is going downhill. Counseling just gives you some insight on what is happenning, and offers one the tools to better communicate for the sake of sanity and happiness in the relationship.
re evaluate what it is you are after. get a tv app on you cell phone, so you can watch 2 programs, have some time dedicated to "me time" and "our time". the couples make the rule in their relationships. anger and frustration are real things, immaturity and stubbornness comes out of the best of us. it is not like you can read someones mind.
I can get the headphone thing, I am trying to concetrate on some video/ movie, get into the zone, but the SO wants to talk while doing so. Its like watching a soap opera, but you have to answer questions or talk during the good parts, wtf frustrations. how would you react if he suddenly wants to talk to you while on the phone? oh that is different! but not really.
space keeps people happy and sane. call me sexist, IDC, but women can be the most indecisive creatures.
It doesn't matter what's wrong with him, OP. You don't need a diagnosis. What you need is to get out of this relationship. You're afraid of him, he's moody, and he's thrown a glass of water at you. It also sounds like he needs time to himself after work, and doesn't want you around during that time. Either he's not ready to have a live-in partner, or you two need to work out a way to give each other private time and space. Normally, this is done by communicating one's needs with one's partner. You two don't sound like communicating is your strong point.
Anyway, you need to work on moving out, and getting your own place ASAP, and breaking up with him.
She chose that silly cake cafe with wine, over the loud bar that served beer. Pulled the carpet right out from under him.
But they wouldn't have been able to have a conversation at the noisy bar. They needed to agree on what type of place they're looking for, but he was uncommunicative once they got off the train. Apparently he didn't want to go out at all, and would have preferred to stay home and play his guitar, to relax after work, but maybe he never said so? Or she dragged him out of the house anyway? So he sulked for the rest of their time out.
This is not a healthy dynamic. Whatever happened (we don't know the details), it's clear there was not a healthy dynamic, or normal communication. On a more general level, you could have a point; it may be that she can't give him space, or irritates him by needing to have her way.
But all of that's irrelevant. It's the background info that's concerning; he's thrown something at her? He can be moody, and seemingly change on a dime? Unpredictable? Anyway, if it's true she's afraid of him, the rest of it doesn't matter. The relationship isn't working out for whatever reason, and she's afraid of him. So there's no point in them torturing each other and themselves by staying together.
She chose that silly cake cafe with wine, over the loud bar that served beer. Pulled the carpet right out from under him.
There were a few things she said that bother me. Like she wanted to have quality time with him when he's in a bad mood and insisting on it. Then chooses the cake shop?
Worst is, She is scared of him!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
But they wouldn't have been able to have a conversation at the noisy bar. They needed to agree on what type of place they're looking for, but he was uncommunicative once they got off the train. Apparently he didn't want to go out at all, and would have preferred to stay home and play his guitar, to relax after work, but maybe he never said so? Or she dragged him out of the house anyway? So he sulked for the rest of their time out.
This ↑
It seems clear to me that this relationship is not working and can only get worse. She should move out ASAP as has been suggested several times. But she also needs to work on her own issue and to me, she has issues. Others might disagree.
There were a few things she said that bother me. Like she wanted to have quality time with him when he's in a bad mood and insisting on it. Choosing a cake shop. But he is not off the hook. She is scared of him!
It seems clear to me that this relationship is not working and can only get worse. She should move out ASAP as has been suggested several times. But she also needs to work on her own issue and to me, she has issues. Others might disagree.
She waited til the end to say those things, yet this is a guy who lets her have her way all the time. That doesn't make any sense.
If I were scared of my boyfriend, that would be the entire content of the post. Not some little blurb at the end with no details about how once he threw a glass of water in my face.
it may be that she can't give him space, or irritates him by needing to have her way.
But all of that's irrelevant. It's the background info that's concerning; he's thrown something at her? He can be moody, and seemingly change on a dime? Unpredictable? Anyway, if it's true she's afraid of him, the rest of it doesn't matter. The relationship isn't working out for whatever reason, and she's afraid of him. So there's no point in them torturing each other and themselves by staying together.
Exactly.
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