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He is passive-aggressive obviously. He wants to break up but is chicken to do it because he is afraid of change. He is trying to make you mad at him so you break up with him..... I've seen this before, pretty common.
Oh, OP. Welcome to my world. My husband is the same. Together almost 5 years. I told him he's bipolar. He said no, it's me. I told him he needs to get his head checked. He said no, it's me. I told him he is the epitome of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The worst he chucked is the TV remote on the wall that actually put a hole in it. I said I hope you threw it in the brand new TV instead so he will feel like the fool that he was.
I have put up with it. There are times that I really can't deal and would want to leave him. I most probably will, sooner or later.
Like seriously he is raving mad this minute, the next minute, he is fine. It's like wow, WTF, for real? I was scared of him too before but now, I am used to it. I just let it pass. But it can really take its toll on you.
You can still leave, if you want. So can I. It really is up to us.
He is like your BF too, keep wanting to ask what I want, where I want to go. Then when he is on his darth vader side, tell me I am selfish coz we just do whatever I want. I mean.... LOL, for real? I mean why ask me EVERYTIME where to go, where to eat, then blame me for it? Wow, yeah, that's what we both are dealing with. Crazy right?
Last night he is on his mood swing again, said he can't sleep, he is aggravated. We went to casino, his idea, withdrew money, his idea. Lost it all. Then guess who got blamed? Yap. He said casino is all I want to do. LOL. Welcome to my world.
Oh he also told me yesterday twice he will quit his job, guess who's at work now? LOL.
I get to this point, and I think: He's in a poopy mood, and when someone is in a poopy mood - everything is just an added irritant. Don't take it personally.
Then I get to this point, and I think: Maybe it's the first time he's told you that he wants no or just one child, but before this conversation, had you told him you'd like to adopt some day?
Lastly, I get to this point and OP, this is the only thing that matters in this whole story. You're afraid of him. You should never be afraid of your significant other. I don't know what's wrong with your boyfriend but my advice to you is to get out. Get out now.
Post #3 in your thread.
This is the only one you need. Others give good advice, mostly saying the same thing, but this one breaks down how the rest of us read this.
I, for one, don't think the guy actually even likes you, but that's just my take on it. Everything you've described is how people who want to break up but are too cowardly to do so behave when they want to drive the other person to do the deed for them. If asked, they'll say no, they don't want to break up, but will phrase it like "Why, do you want to?" or "Maybe since you're so keen on it we should!" It's what they want, but they're chicken about it.
That was my take up to the point where you got to the last bit, about being afraid. THEN it just got ugly.
I assure you, it won't get better. Meanwhile, you're scared and getting even more clingy, which infuriates him more.
It's already over, you just don't know it and he won't call it.
Oh, OP. Welcome to my world. My husband is the same. Together almost 5 years. I told him he's bipolar. He said no, it's me. I told him he needs to get his head checked. He said no, it's me. I told him he is the epitome of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The worst he chucked is the TV remote on the wall that actually put a hole in it. I said I hope you threw it in the brand new TV instead so he will feel like the fool that he was.
I have put up with it. There are times that I really can't deal and would want to leave him. I most probably will, sooner or later.
Like seriously he is raving mad this minute, the next minute, he is fine. It's like wow, WTF, for real? I was scared of him too before but now, I am used to it. I just let it pass. But it can really take its toll on you.
You can still leave, if you want. So can I. It really is up to us.
He is like your BF too, keep wanting to ask what I want, where I want to go. Then when he is on his darth vader side, tell me I am selfish coz we just do whatever I want. I mean.... LOL, for real? I mean why ask me EVERYTIME where to go, where to eat, then blame me for it? Wow, yeah, that's what we both are dealing with. Crazy right?
Last night he is on his mood swing again, said he can't sleep, he is aggravated. We went to casino, his idea, withdrew money, his idea. Lost it all. Then guess who got blamed? Yap. He said casino is all I want to do. LOL. Welcome to my world.
Oh he also told me yesterday twice he will quit his job, guess who's at work now? LOL.
Oh, I can also tell you are Brit, OP.
I just remembered my boyfriend actually threw our TV remote a few weeks ago and all of the pieces flew everywhere, luckily he managed to fix it.
Your boyfriend sounds like a carbon copy of mine!
Do you have any idea why your boyfriend behaves like that? I really don't know whats wrong with mine, but I think he's bipolar or something - not that this would really excuse the way he behaves.
Last edited by hibiscusttea; 12-11-2017 at 08:46 AM..
I just remembered my boyfriend actually threw our TV remote a few weeks ago and all of the pieces flew everywhere, luckily he managed to fix it.
Your boyfriend sounds like a carbon copy of mine!
Do you have any idea why your boyfriend behaves like that? I really don't know whats wrong with mine, but I think he's bipolar or something - not that he really excuses the way he treats me sometimes.
Your guess is as good as mine. All I know is, he has mood swings. VERY moody. He is bipolar. He denies it but come on. Yeah my husband patched that wall he broke too. That's why I said welcome to my world. LOL. How long you been together? Look, it's either you want to deal with it, or you won't. Right now, I am still dealing with it. But pretty sure, there will come a time, I will just leave him. It can really ruin your day. Ya know?
Your guess is as good as mine. All I know is, he has mood swings. VERY moody. He is bipolar. He denies it but come on. Yeah my husband patched that wall he broke too. That's why I said welcome to my world. LOL. How long you been together? Look, it's either you want to deal with it, or you won't. Right now, I am still dealing with it. But pretty sure, there will come a time, I will just leave him. It can really ruin your day. Ya know?
I went through this with my first husband. Married in 1971 and I divorced him in 1982. I spent years trying to get a fix on his problem, thinking a diagnosis would work toward a cure. We all have to learn in our own time. But I wasted years and years, and suffered so much emotional upset unneccesarily. And I stupidly had a child with him, so my decision to leave was prompted by concern over having a child witness his parents’ relationship and think it was normal behavior. I guess I didn’t love myself enough to believe I deserved better treatment. But I loved my child enough to want him growing up in a calm, predictable environment. So I left. And I eventually found a man who valued me and wanted a loving, supportive home. After a few years in my new marriage, I was driving home one day from work and realized that it had been a long time since I had spent my commute time pondering that marriage. You see, all through my first marriage, I had a 45 min. Commute from work to home. And I realized for over 10 years I had spent almost every commute minute dwelling on the deep sorrow in my heart back then. A heart filled with longing for a happy relationship and constantly seeking ideas for making it better. Now I am an old lady, and I understand the funny, sexy first husband’s hold on me took a lifelong toll on my emotional health. I know nothing I can write will help you beyond perhaps encouraging you to understand how much of your life you are using in a relationship that doesn’t give you the inner peace we all want for every human on this earth.
I just remembered my boyfriend actually threw our TV remote a few weeks ago and all of the pieces flew everywhere, luckily he managed to fix it.
Your boyfriend sounds like a carbon copy of mine!
Do you have any idea why your boyfriend behaves like that? I really don't know whats wrong with mine, but I think he's bipolar or something - not that this would really excuse the way he behaves.
Does it matter why he behaves this way?
If he was treating everyone in his orbit this way, maybe you could chalk it up to bipolar or a brain tumor.
However, since he manages to "cuddle up" to you in bed in the morning (translation: he wants a morning bang) then it seems to be voluntary.
The only question you should be asking is why the hell you're still there.
If he was treating everyone in his orbit this way, maybe you could chalk it up to bipolar or a brain tumor.
However, since he manages to "cuddle up" to you in bed in the morning (translation: he wants a morning bang) then it seems to be voluntary.
The only question you should be asking is why the hell you're still there.
Exactly. Who cares why the heck someone is like this? Why are you choosing to stay there? It amazes me what people will put up with " just to have a boyfriend". Being alone would be so much more peaceful.
My boyfriend was in a strange, negative mood last night and it affected me quite badly. I'm not sure if I'm part of the problem or it's just how he is, but it was upsetting. I'm starting to suspect that he may be bipolar or something or maybe he's just not into me.
So I wanted to go out somewhere with him after work to spend a nice evening together. We try to go to this bar, but it's incredibly busy and loud and there is no where to sit, I mean I wanted to be somewhere where we could have a nice quiet conversation, if we'd had stayed here we would have had to be shouting to communicate with each other. So, we leave this bar before buying drinks as I tell my boyfriend its too noisy. As were exiting the bar, my boyfriend is walking ahead of me, we get out into the street and he continues walking in some random direction. I tell him to stop and ask him where he's going... as we need to stop and decide where we want to try going next... walking in a random direction is pointless. Anyway, my boyfriend is like "Well, I'm just waiting for you to tell me where you want to go next" - I don't find this particularly nice and I feel pressured and like he is trying to blame me for something. He then suggests that we just go to the train station and get the train home as there is a train leaving in 3 minutes time. This is NOT the point of the evening, as I wanted to spend some quality time with him. So, after this... my boyfriend offers no suggestions about where to go next... so I suggest this nice cafe that does some nice cakes and treats, it seems like a cross between a bar/cafe and they serve alcohol. We enter this cafe and I select a cake for myself, my boyfriend seems in a very negative mood and doesn't want to try any of the cakes or treats they have to offer and just orders a regular cappucino. I consistently ask him if he's okay with going here and he's just like "YES", even though I can tell he's very moody (I don't know why) and is giving complete vibes like he doesn't want to be here or out with me. We go and sit down to drink our drinks and we have some light conversation. He browses his phone for a bit and checks the time of the next train home. He then says something like he doesn't really like the place were at and I tell him that I told him we could try somewhere else, but he said he was okay with going here. He's then like well if we'd have gone somewhere else you would have ended up being *annoyed*.I found this quite mean and I don't know why he said this, I wouldn't have being annoyed, I was happy to go anywhere so long as he was happy and so long as we had a nice evening together. He tells me that he felt like having a beer and i tell him that he can order a wine or something, and he's like no I wouldn't want to drink here anyway.
Anyway, we take the train home together, my boyfriends mood does not improve. He actually puts his headphones on during the train ride home. I try to hold his hand, but he gives me a dirty look and refuses to hold it.
We get off the train and walk home together, my boyfriend takes his headphones off and is talking to me a bit more normally. He's still in a strange, negative mood and I am not enjoying his company, he is making me quite uncomfortable. I walk ahead of him as I feel like he doesn't want to be around me and he's like "DARLING, can you wait one second?"...
We get home and the night continues. I call my family for about 45 minutes and go in the bedroom. I go back into the sitting room and my boyfriend has started cooking and he asks me if he can watch something on TV, I tell him that I just want to watch something for 15 minutes as he's cooking and I estimate that my show should be finished by then as he's only just started cooking. About 5 minutes in to my show (hes still not finished with the cooking).... he's like can I watch my show now, it's already been 15 minutes.
My boyfriend seems annoyed with and to have a problem about everything. We have a conversation whilst hes at his computer and the conversation finished. A few minutes later, I ask him a question about something and he responds back "I've got headphones on! WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I don't respond to him shouting at me and he's then like "WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?... It's really annoying when you've got headphones on and someone keeps talking to you"...
He also then has a rampade about how he wants to practice his guitar more after work, he tells me that he wants to have some days where he can practice his guitar and not have to worry about me getting annoyed. I don't per say get annoyed, but his guitar is loud and noisy and we live in a very small apartment, listening to him practice is not very relaxing after a long day at work. He also uses an amplifier.
Later on, I'm watching an adoption documentary. My boyfriend asks me why I'm watching it, I tell him that I'm watching it as I'd like to adopt one day. We then start talking about a few things and he's like "I don't think I want children anyway... we could have ZERO or maybe one child" this is the first time that he's told me this and I had no idea he felt this way about children, I feel like this is affected by his negative mood.
He's also disagreeing with me just for the sake of disagreeing. It creates a horrible, negative atmosphere.
There are many other things that happen during the evening, I feel like he's just in a really unpleasant mood and wants to blame me for a lot of things. There are times when he's lovely and seems completely devoted and in-love with me and there are times when he's like this. I don't know whats wrong, but his unpredictability is making me very anxious. HE ALSO threw a plan pot on the ground a few weeks ago and it smashed, I cleaned it all up. He's also chucked a glass of water in my face!
This morning as we're both waking up before work... he's all cuddly and he's giving me lots of kisses on the check and face etc. I don't want these... I just want to be treated with respect in general, I don't want any kisses or cuddles in the morning.
I am starting to feel like he's quite controlling and passive-agressive and it's scary. I'm not going to lie here, but there have been multiple occasions when I've felt scared of him and I am scared of him. His mood changes are just scary to be honest... There are times when things are really good with us and he's very romantic and seems very in-love with me, but there's also this, the mood swings and passive-aggressiveness and I don't know... I just feel like i'm a little scared of him... the way in which he reacts to things and situations like last night
A few weeks ago, I got locked out of our holiday accommodation. My boyfriend took the lift up to our flat and I decided to take the stairs as I felt like to exercise. The stairs our accessed through a door on the outside of the apartment block, , the door for the apartment block and locked behind me and the door for the stairs also wouldn't open so I was completely stuck outside the apartment block. The situation made me a little nervous as we had just arrived at our holiday accommodation and we were in a foreign country and I didn't speak the language, I was worried that my boyfriend wouldn't know where I was as I was completely stuck outside.
Anyway, I wait outside for about 10 minutes, I knock on the door and shout up to my boyfriend. My boyfriend eventually finds me and he seems annoyed. We go back up to our apartment and I tell him that I got a bit worried about the whole situation and he is not caring or sympathetic at all. Instead he's like "Well, I came all the way back down to get you... I could have taken a shower or something in that time, I nearly did just take a half an hour shower actually as it wasn't my fault you didn't take the lift and got locked outside. I wasn't worried, I'd just thought you'd got lost or something"
I can't believe I read 90% of this rant.
My conclusion is you. You're why there are problems. IMO
He wants a beer but you tell him he can have wine?
You should leave if he wants guitar time.
Let the guy watch tv while cooking for crying out loud!!
He wanted dinner and a beer in a bar and you took him to a CAFE to eat CAKE. CAKE FOR DINNER? I would be in a bad mood, too. Everything after that on that evening is irrelevant, because he just wanted some real food. You turned it into a girly evening so that's why he got moody.
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking!
Some people just don't get it. He wants a beer and she says he can have wine. Wth?!
I love how people blame him for her crap. I bet she dressed him too fulfilling her fantasy night out. Lol!
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