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Just be prepared that when you strike up conversations with random women, many won't be interested. It's the same thing even when they're not random and with people you already do know, or with online dating. A lot of people that you like, just won't like you. Sometimes it's because they're already taken, don't let it bother you or think it's an indictment against you as a person. If you talk to someone and you can tell she's not feeling it, just keep moving.
I think you've touched on the most important part of approaching. No matter what location you find yourself in, a majority of people aren't going to be interested, for whatever reason that usually has more to do with themselves than you.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but as I've written before, you know nothing about a stranger but that you like their appearance. That isn't much to go on. If you don't establish a rapport of some sort, why should a woman want to go out with you just because you asked? I think many people only think about what they want when it comes to dating, with little regard for what the other person wants or how they perceive an interaction. That isn't a recipe for success.
I think you've touched on the most important part of approaching. No matter what location you find yourself in, a majority of people aren't going to be interested, for whatever reason that usually has more to do with themselves than you.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but as I've written before, you know nothing about a stranger but that you like their appearance. That isn't much to go on. If you don't establish a rapport of some sort, why should a woman want to go out with you just because you asked? I think many people only think about what they want when it comes to dating, with little regard for what the other person wants or how they perceive an interaction. That isn't a recipe for success.
lol You'd think this would be obvious, but apparently not. The guys who get angry about striking out with strangers should keep in mind that some of those strangers they find attractive might be a real turn-off if they got to know them. They might turn around and run, if they knew anything about the woman's personality. You never know about strangers.
It seems more like something you would see in a movie moreso than in real life. Most women I see inside the grocery store look busy and like they've got stuff to do and some clown trying to mack doesn't appear to be on the agenda.
Just be direct. If you're in a grocery store and see a woman you like just go up, introduce yourself, and tell her you find her attractive. No gimmicks just get straight to the point. She rejects you, find another woman and do the same thing. Keep it simple and no bsing around.
I don't know that fellows intentions, but not all people who offer to help (including single men) need anything in return, including a thank you, as I've known this first hand almost as long as I've been on the planet.
You took part of a sentence from what I posted. I didn't say he was trying to flirt with me, I said he had an attitude --maybe he only knows damsels in distress.
I didn't need any help though, so to be laughing out loud and asking me "what I thought I was doing" was kind of condescending. I said IF he was going to come over and try to start a friendly conversation (or whatever) and help me out of my "tough spot" there, putting some air in my tire, it wouldn't work out too well, because it's all about the attitude.
I really didn't feel like talking to him, it's too tiresome for me to pretend to not know anything and to try to be nice to somebody I don't know whos irritating me. I just don't have the energy anymore. I like intelligent conversation of my choosing.
Grocery stores (and the like) are full of people trying to get errands done; approaching to try to start a conversation is a bit annoying. They are also filled with people who are paid to be the face of the retail store... they are paid to be nice and help people out. Guys may misunderstand this for an open door to approach, expression of interest and flirt. In reality, they are thinking "I have work to do. My boss might be watching. I have another customer over there.".
I can agree with this and depends on the mood of said person. Some people (like myself) wanna get in, get out and not want to be approached by or approach strangers.
I think you've touched on the most important part of approaching. No matter what location you find yourself in, a majority of people aren't going to be interested, for whatever reason that usually has more to do with themselves than you.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't try,but as I've written before, you know nothing about a stranger but that you like their appearance. That isn't much to go on. If you don't establish a rapport of some sort, why should a woman want to go out with you just because you asked? I think many people only think about what they want when it comes to dating, with little regard for what the other person wants or how they perceive an interaction. That isn't a recipe for success.
Exactly. It's like that with friends for me, too. Cold approach is nothing more than thinking the other person is attractive enough to pique your interest. Woop-tee-doo. Interest based on physical attraction alone was not enough to pique my interest no matter how good-looking the person was. Shared interest groups and interactions were better, but never resulted in dating interests on my part since most weren't dateable, or I wasn't available. At least with the people I interacted with in online spaces, I knew enough or quite a bit about them other than simply finding them attractive. Frequent moves made it necessary to find other ways to interact with people.
I think you've touched on the most important part of approaching. No matter what location you find yourself in, a majority of people aren't going to be interested, for whatever reason that usually has more to do with themselves than you.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but as I've written before, you know nothing about a stranger but that you like their appearance. That isn't much to go on. If you don't establish a rapport of some sort, why should a woman want to go out with you just because you asked? I think many people only think about what they want when it comes to dating, with little regard for what the other person wants or how they perceive an interaction. That isn't a recipe for success.
You make a valid point but no matter where you meet someone they are judging you off your appearance before they approach. Men are visual human beings. Even if you meet a guy at a bar, meetup or any other social venue, they generally aren’t going to come up to a woman and talk to her and ask for her number unless they find her physically attractive first.
This is not the first time I've shared on C-D how I met someone who has become important to me. I was looking at Chardonnay at Whole Foods. A man stood next to me and asked "what do you look for in a Chardonnay?". It didn't hurt that if I had petitioned the universe for someone I would find very attractive- there he was.
We talked about Chardonnay for a few minutes and then he asked how I compared it to French White Burgundy. So, we got to talk about times we had each been in France and found that we could even speak rudimentary French to each other. He asked me to join him for a drink and I declined.
But, he saw me again a couple of weeks later and initiated another conversation. I am so glad he did.
Yes, he was physically attractive to me. As others here have said though, attitude is very important. He maintained a conversational distance, initiated with a question that could not be answered yes or no. He made good eye contact, was respectful, interested, and interesting.
You make a valid point but no matter where you meet someone they are judging you off your appearance before they approach. Men are visual human beings. Even if you meet a guy at a bar, meetup or any other social venue, they generally aren’t going to come up to a woman and talk to her and ask for her number unless they find her physically attractive first.
If we're talking about random public spaces, sure. This doesn't necessarily apply in the same way in social settings among friends or shared interest settings. You generally know some things about those in your extended social circle through friends, and you at least have something to go on when you're in a setting that demonstrates a shared interest. So, when I attended writing groups in the past (mostly women and older married men), there's an opportunity to click with someone based on interactions spawned by the shared interest. That interest was apparent from the get-go. If there'd been a member that caught my attention, I'd at least have something to go on other than being easy on the eye. More fruitful and interesting conversation other than asking for my digits at Kroger. And most people aren't just walking up to someone to ask for their number. They strike up a relevant GTKY conversation first.
I've had men approach and interact in these settings, and they didn't lead with standard pickup lines and asking for my number. It started as a conversation about our mutual interests. Sure, they may be less likely to approach if they're not interested, but it is far less forced and awkward than random cold approach in situations that don't lend well to genuine interactions.
And I typically knew a great deal about the men I reached out to online before sending a message. I wasn't just relying on finding them attractive to pique my interest. I also paid close attention to their words, which is more than what could be said or known in the vast majority of in-person interactions in most settings. Same for online groups and forums.
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