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I would like to hear what people think is important (or not) for a good marriage, and what to find out about a person before marriage, and what surprises are there for someone who has not been married before? I have been asking everyone I know and I hear communication is key, and secrets are not, got anymore details beyond that for me? Thanks in advance!
Marriage is hard work and compromise. You have to work on it everyday. You just can't kick back your feet and rest on your laurels the second you say I do. It is all worth it when you are with that right person though.
I think that you should know somebody for at least 2yrs, i mean date, and spend the four seasons together. meeting and marrying in3-6 mos is a disaster waiting to happen. i made that mistake once,er twice
I've been married once for 19 years. The first two post offer good advice. What I'd add would be to never stop "courting" (a southern term). Live to serve one another. The "I love you"'s, doing your share fo the work around the house/with the kids, getting her/his favorite restaurant/fast-food dish on the way home from work as a suprise, leaving sweet notes, doing a special job around the house that he/she usually does, holding doors open, always have date nights, go on picnics/walks/sporting events regualrly together, complement him/her infront of others, NEVER demean or belittle, have specific ground rule for disagreements. These are just a few things that have worked for us and we will never stop doing them. Talk about religious beliefs, how many children you want, money-spending habits, ect BEFORE you get married and be totally honest about these issues. Don't work so much to where you're not spending enough time together as a couple. When you have children, do not ignore your spouse or ever put the children ahead of the marital realtionship. It's very easy to do this, but you cant' let it happen. My wife's sister did this and it cost them their marrage. A mom and dad with a solid, loving marrage is one of the best gifts you can give your children. I don't know everything and don't claim to, but these things WILL work. My whole family pretty much lives by these things and my brother's been married 19 yrs., parents 51 yrs., and grandparents 71 yrs. (with no divorces), and the love and romance is still there. Good luck in all you do!!!
If she whines about money all the time, dump the broad.
Don't worry about being single again. Remember how nice it was when you first started dating? It will be like that again with all the new women you're seeing.
Remember: the only people that marry people that make them unhappy are those who are afraid of being alone. They keep screwing up and have made themselves unattractive to people who aren't psychotic like the broad you just had to kick to the curb.
I don't know if you are planning on marrying shortly...make sure you know about hte cleaning situation. Belive it or not...that could end a marriage. I mean, as in duties. Who is going to be responsible for household responsibilities? Cleaning the kitchen, the bathrooms, all areas of the house, washing and folding and putting away, food shopping, cooking, paying the bills...is it going to be ajoint responsibility because you both work full time and it's not fair for any ONE person to take on all of that? Is one of you not going to work, so then the person not going to work is going to take on all of those responsibilites because that will, in sense, be their "job"? How often do you expect these cleanings to go on?
You cannot assume anything. You need to establisht that beforehand.
I took on all of those responsibilities because at one time I didn't work, I was with the children and went to school PT. But then I got a job FT after college, and yet was still expected to take on those responsibilities, along with my job, and now it is additional responsibilities because there are children related responsibilities. I gave him soem leeway because it had been many years that I had those responsibilities and he would have to get accustomed to the fact that things changed and need to be shared now.
It's been 11 years! People don't really change...so you need everything established BEFORE marriage, so there aren't any surprises.
There is a lot of good advise here already. I agree date for at least two years and not just go out to dinner but really spend time doing the every day stuff like grocery shopping, cleaning house and see how you get along. Talk about EVERYTHING. Ask questions. And when you're married keep on asking questions, talk to each other, appreciate each other, thank the person you married for marrying you. And stay friends! And you gotta have sense of humor
I've read it's statistically best not to live together first and pretend to be married before the event. I'd also, believe it or not, not recommend premarital sex if you both can be in agreement. There have been studies that show people who wait to live together until after marriage and then get 'that' intimate have a better chance of succeeding. Plus, it's a lot easier to stand in a church and make your vows before God and have that respect for the meaning and responsibility of marriage if you both hold it in esteem beforehand.
I've read it's statistically best not to live together first and pretend to be married before the event. I'd also, believe it or not, not recommend premarital sex if you both can be in agreement. There have been studies that show people who wait to live together until after marriage and then get 'that' intimate have a better chance of succeeding. Plus, it's a lot easier to stand in a church and make your vows before God and have that respect for the meaning and responsibility of marriage if you both hold it in esteem beforehand.
I agree 100% with this! and not because of what statics say but because of what the Bible says.
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