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Dating guy for 1 year and we both want to live together but he doesn’t want to move from his house for another 2 years because his son will graduate with PhD and get a job so his funds would be more available. Bf already 67 years old. He wants me to move into his house but I work full time very far away. I currently live very close to work. My commute if I lived with him would be at least 2 hours in each direction. I asked him if he’d consider moving with me somewhere in between and he seems skiddish about buying a new place with me and furnishing it. I have ample funds for my half and he knows it.
I am ready to sell my home. It’s too large and too expensive. Am I wasting time staying with this man? I’m 60 now and plan to work a few more years.
Thoughts?
Last edited by Should I wait; 12-17-2017 at 11:13 PM..
It's hard to say whether you should wait, on this little info. It's pretty clear that you shouldn't move in with him, though. What is he thinking? Has he really thought that through, to realize you'd have to spend 4 hrs./day commuting?! That makes no sense. If he truly wants you to spend 4 hrs./day commuting just to live with him, then I might say, forget about him.
You're planning on selling your home, to move into a smaller place? That makes sense. I think you should go ahead with your plans, and do what works for you. You could continue seeing him, in the meantime, if you both are up for that.
He may be attached to his home. Has he said anything about selling it, after his son finishes grad school? Was/is he planning to stay in it for the rest of his life, or did he have other plans?
He has lived in same house since 1988 except while he was separated from his ex wife. He says change is hard for him including the thought of packing and selling house. I think he expects to sell when he retires in 3 years. He’s a great guy but I’m not interested in living alone and then living with him after he is 70. Isn’t that too long given our ages?
It's a bad idea to move in with a romantic interest based primarily on logistics.
A 2-hour commute is terribly unhealthy. Plus he sounds rather inflexible, as if he expects you to conform to his all needs. That's less than ideal for a romantic partnership.
He sounds like he is not doing ANYTHING with his house for 2-3 years. I would go ahead and make your move based on YOUR needs. If you're that worried about your age, then choose a property that would enable you to age in place, so one with one level or at least the master bedroom on the main level. Choose one that would have room for a spouse, in case he does sell and decide to move with you.
Don't add pressure to this move based on a fear that you're getting older. You're working now, and you could easily live 20 more years on your own. My grandmother only recently moved into assisted living at 90.
But right now you have to do what is best for YOU. He's not the one doing that.
You are 60 and not getting younger, he is 67 and not changing ways......move on.....or wait but my guess is, in two years he will come up with another excuse to try and stay where he is at.
It sounds like you could take him or leave him... and that speaks volumes to me. Don't jump into something for companionship sake because you could end up regretting it.
1 year together - kind of short time
Commute distance to work - that's I'm guessing 5 more years for you... and how does he feel about that? Since you didn't mention his job I'll assume he's already retired.
Since you love him enough to live with him, give him the two years he wants to get his son out of school.
I agree this. When I got into a relationship with a single mother of two, I had to realize that the focus and priority in her life was already dedicated to her children; I had to accept that. It was generally unfair for me to put her in a position to have to choose between me/us and her children. As long as I understood this and made an honest effort to move the relationship forward while balancing with what is good for the children, every thing was great.
Wait two years.... if you cant give him two years, then you should probably move on and avoid dating single parents.
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