Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My closest female friend- we'll call her Naomi (probably one of my best friends overall) and I have known each other for almost three years now come February. She's a few years younger than I but I met her (and her then-boyfriend- we'll call him Eric) through a close mutual friend. While we didn't really see each other around campus at first, from like September 2015 to about April 2016 we hung out extensively as part of the same wider friend circle. We weren't really "close", but we were friends and would hang out one-on-one for large periods.
During the period of May-August 2016, Naomi and Eric were broken up. Being close friends with Eric as well, I kinda heard from him that things were bad the months leading up to the breakup.....I found out around mid-June that they had officially broken up from Naomi......soon after, I started hanging out with her and some other friends (one of whom was part of our wider circle from before) during the summer months of July and August. It was the usual- group dinners, drinks, movies, etc.
I soon earned her Naomi's trust enough for her to confide in me all of her personal problems- both that of which related to her and Eric and why they split up, as well as her general female insecurities....I was used to being the pseudo-emotional crutch for other female friends so it was nothing new to me....it sounds terrible, I know I know...but soon after that, Naomi tells me that the boyfriend had asked to get back together with her and she asked me if she should. Seeing as they were both close friends of mine, I obviously wanted to see them happy so I said they should......she ended up breaking it off with her rebound guy of the summer and come September when University recommenced, Naomi and Eric were back together.
Between September-December 2016, Naomi and I hung out a lot one-on-one...which makes sense given that we'd just established a closeness in our friendship when her and Eric were on the outs. Come January of 2017, she was widely advertising to the world that I was her "best friend" on social media (snapchat) and even calling me so......and from January to April of this past year I spent countless hours talking to her about her personal/relational problems.....almost all of which related Eric and her rebound guy from the summer- we'll call him Damon......it was very much like a love triangle between them LMAO. We had 4 hour phone conversations on Friday nights, went on midnight IHOP runs, got drunk just the two of us....everything. I even did my best to help her land a summer internship in Investment Banking- writing her resume cover letter and talking to family friend connections to give her a shot. I was so happy to know that she landed an internship soon after.
Come April of 2017, I told Naomi that I was perpetually depressed and feeling suicidal due to my toxic family relationships. She was obviously very concerned and had been for an protracted period of time- even going to the extent of seeking counselling on my behalf because she was so scared I would try and kill myself......and one night in May, I sent her and various other friends cryptic goodbye messages because I was about to leave town in the dead of night. As I was driving out of Toronto, I get into a car accident (near fatal) and am hospitalized.
Naomi comes and visits me in the ICU. She strongly suspected that the "accident" was actually a staged suicide attempt.....and she tells me that everything that happened had broken her heart in a way that no one but Eric possibly could have hurt her. Soon after I'm discharged, Naomi starts talking to me non-stop because she's devastated and concerned......and in one particular moment, she tells me that she was so shaken up by what happened that she genuinely started considering the "possibility" that she had romantic feelings for me.
I....freaked out. I shouldn't have, but I didn't know how to handle it maturely. This has started a chain of fighting that continues to this very day. She was mad at me for freaking out that first fight, and since then almost every 2-3 weeks... we fight. She has told me that soon after my discharge, she felt as if she didn't have a place in my life anymore because I had so many other friends- including other girls. She told me that she initially felt "jealous" of me expressing my interest in another girl......because she felt as if she's being replaced. She's gotten pissed at me at times for "hiding" the fact that I've slept with other girls when initially lying to her face when she confronted/asked me about it......saying that she has trust issues. When I had to last-minute cancel on her birthday dinner (I ended up making it anyway) she initially told me how hurt she was and even brought up how I could go to another female friend's (the girl I once expressed interest in after being discharged) birthday but not hers...
After I started opening up to her about me and my secrets- something I never did for the first two years of knowing her- she even told me how I'm the complete opposite of what she would want in a guy because of how I'm not affectionate in a couple-y way, very sexually enthused, etc......I thought it was a completely unnecessary conversation.
Two months ago, she and Eric (who I'm still close friends with) ended up breaking up again after an extended period of fighting- this time her dumping him. I was the one who even pointed out the fact that he takes her for granted- something she was oblivious to after dating him for almost a decade outside of their breakup in the summer of 2016. She has since gone back to seeing Damon, something that I have sadly encouraged her regarding because I just want to see her happy.....so much so that I have even told her that it's okay if she were to drop me as a friend if Damon or any other guy were to have an issue with her being close to me.......and she has furiously responded saying "any guy in the future who is truly right for me will understand what you and I are"......she constantly seeks my advice on Damon but just when I think things are back to normal IE September 2016-April 2017, we start fighting again. She blocked me two weeks ago and just today I reached out to wish her a Merry Christmas and catch up.....thankfully I was now unblocked.
.....I know it's a lot to read LOL. I would appreciate the input/feedback from anyone regarding my original question. Do you guys/gals think she has some underlying feelings for me- even those that she isn't aware of? Does anyone think that she *did* have feelings for me after the accident? I honestly wish it weren't the case.....I don't have even the slightest romantic inkling for Naomi. She's like my sister...
Why did you write all that, if you aren't the slightest bit interested in her?
The two of you honestly seem too enmeshed for friendship. It's not love, and it's not lust. It's just ... too much. Kind of like co-dependence, but for friendship.
I would advise just backing off a bit. She acts like she owns you, and you allow it by deferring your own feelings. It just doesn't make sense.
Why did you write all that, if you aren't the slightest bit interested in her?
The two of you honestly seem too enmeshed for friendship. It's not love, and it's not lust. It's just ... too much. Kind of like co-dependence, but for friendship.
I would advise just backing off a bit. She acts like she owns you, and you allow it by deferring your own feelings. It just doesn't make sense.
Because everyone else of my friends (both guy and girl) who have heard me tell them this have arrived at the conclusion that she low-key has feelings for me.
So based on what you're saying....there's really there's no way of salvaging this and putting us back to how we used to be- before the events of this past summer? I either have to conceptualize me and her in a romantic light or just live with the status quo?
I have backed off. She always comes running back to me whenever there's something she feels she needs my advice about....
My closest female friend- we'll call her Naomi (probably one of my best friends overall) and I have known each other for almost three years now come February. She's a few years younger than I but I met her (and her then-boyfriend- we'll call him Eric) through a close mutual friend. While we didn't really see each other around campus at first, from like September 2015 to about April 2016 we hung out extensively as part of the same wider friend circle. We weren't really "close", but we were friends and would hang out one-on-one for large periods.
During the period of May-August 2016, Naomi and Eric were broken up. Being close friends with Eric as well, I kinda heard from him that things were bad the months leading up to the breakup.....I found out around mid-June that they had officially broken up from Naomi......soon after, I started hanging out with her and some other friends (one of whom was part of our wider circle from before) during the summer months of July and August. It was the usual- group dinners, drinks, movies, etc.
I soon earned her Naomi's trust enough for her to confide in me all of her personal problems- both that of which related to her and Eric and why they split up, as well as her general female insecurities....I was used to being the pseudo-emotional crutch for other female friends so it was nothing new to me....it sounds terrible, I know I know...but soon after that, Naomi tells me that the boyfriend had asked to get back together with her and she asked me if she should. Seeing as they were both close friends of mine, I obviously wanted to see them happy so I said they should......she ended up breaking it off with her rebound guy of the summer and come September when University recommenced, Naomi and Eric were back together.
Between September-December 2016, Naomi and I hung out a lot one-on-one...which makes sense given that we'd just established a closeness in our friendship when her and Eric were on the outs. Come January of 2017, she was widely advertising to the world that I was her "best friend" on social media (snapchat) and even calling me so......and from January to April of this past year I spent countless hours talking to her about her personal/relational problems.....almost all of which related Eric and her rebound guy from the summer- we'll call him Damon......it was very much like a love triangle between them LMAO. We had 4 hour phone conversations on Friday nights, went on midnight IHOP runs, got drunk just the two of us....everything. I even did my best to help her land a summer internship in Investment Banking- writing her resume cover letter and talking to family friend connections to give her a shot. I was so happy to know that she landed an internship soon after.
Come April of 2017, I told Naomi that I was perpetually depressed and feeling suicidal due to my toxic family relationships. She was obviously very concerned and had been for an protracted period of time- even going to the extent of seeking counselling on my behalf because she was so scared I would try and kill myself......and one night in May, I sent her and various other friends cryptic goodbye messages because I was about to leave town in the dead of night. As I was driving out of Toronto, I get into a car accident (near fatal) and am hospitalized.
Naomi comes and visits me in the ICU. She strongly suspected that the "accident" was actually a staged suicide attempt.....and she tells me that everything that happened had broken her heart in a way that no one but Eric possibly could have hurt her. Soon after I'm discharged, Naomi starts talking to me non-stop because she's devastated and concerned......and in one particular moment, she tells me that she was so shaken up by what happened that she genuinely started considering the "possibility" that she had romantic feelings for me.
I....freaked out. I shouldn't have, but I didn't know how to handle it maturely. This has started a chain of fighting that continues to this very day. She was mad at me for freaking out that first fight, and since then almost every 2-3 weeks... we fight. She has told me that soon after my discharge, she felt as if she didn't have a place in my life anymore because I had so many other friends- including other girls. She told me that she initially felt "jealous" of me expressing my interest in another girl......because she felt as if she's being replaced. She's gotten pissed at me at times for "hiding" the fact that I've slept with other girls when initially lying to her face when she confronted/asked me about it......saying that she has trust issues. When I had to last-minute cancel on her birthday dinner (I ended up making it anyway) she initially told me how hurt she was and even brought up how I could go to another female friend's (the girl I once expressed interest in after being discharged) birthday but not hers...
After I started opening up to her about me and my secrets- something I never did for the first two years of knowing her- she even told me how I'm the complete opposite of what she would want in a guy because of how I'm not affectionate in a couple-y way, very sexually enthused, etc......I thought it was a completely unnecessary conversation.
Two months ago, she and Eric (who I'm still close friends with) ended up breaking up again after an extended period of fighting- this time her dumping him. I was the one who even pointed out the fact that he takes her for granted- something she was oblivious to after dating him for almost a decade outside of their breakup in the summer of 2016. She has since gone back to seeing Damon, something that I have sadly encouraged her regarding because I just want to see her happy.....so much so that I have even told her that it's okay if she were to drop me as a friend if Damon or any other guy were to have an issue with her being close to me.......and she has furiously responded saying "any guy in the future who is truly right for me will understand what you and I are"......she constantly seeks my advice on Damon but just when I think things are back to normal IE September 2016-April 2017, we start fighting again. She blocked me two weeks ago and just today I reached out to wish her a Merry Christmas and catch up.....thankfully I was now unblocked.
.....I know it's a lot to read LOL. I would appreciate the input/feedback from anyone regarding my original question. Do you guys/gals think she has some underlying feelings for me- even those that she isn't aware of? Does anyone think that she *did* have feelings for me after the accident? I honestly wish it weren't the case.....I don't have even the slightest romantic inkling for Naomi. She's like my sister...
But you put this in the Relationship forum, you keep up with the months that she's in a relationship, and a whole host of other things.
Dude. You need to be honest with yourself. This girl matters to you a lot and, for some reason, you're not willing to admit it to yourself.
One more thing. When a longtime female friend is approaching you to ask if she should date some other guy, she's really saying, "I'd rather date you if you'd give me half a chance."
But you put this in the Relationship forum, you keep up with the months that she's in a relationship, and a whole host of other things.
Dude. You need to be honest with yourself. This girl matters to you a lot and, for some reason, you're not willing to admit it to yourself.
One more thing. When a longtime female friend is approaching you to ask if she should date some other guy, she's really saying, "I'd rather date you if you'd give me half a chance."
Yeah, just to supplement the premise with the context. I felt that was prudent or else it might seem like I’m a little biased in my take on the situation...
Of course she means a lot to me. I’ve never denied it. I love her to death....I just can’t see me and her being an item or having anything romantic brewing. I want the platonic dynamic and I just want us to go back to how things were before the accident in May....reason I put it in the relationship forum is because I’m scared that we can’t.
She has complicated it by personalizing all of this. Everyone else as far as friends go have moved on, she continues to hold on to this in various ways.
As for your last point- I don’t believe that dude. I’ve had countless close female friends over my years just as close to me as Naomi is/was, none of them have ever implied that simply by asking me about what I think about other guys they are interested in.
My husband had a female friend who was like this when we were dating as well as when we were engaged.
She behaved like she literally owned him.
The key word is had since they are no longer friends.
I feel guilty though. I feel like I caused this somehow. We were never fighting like this for the year of being close friends before the events of this past summer.
I refuse to subscribe to the idea that men and women cannot be as close as I am with her without the certitude of romance/sparks flying. It isn’t some contravention of biology for heterosexual close relationships.
I refuse to subscribe to the idea that men and women cannot be as close as I am with her without the certitude of romance/sparks flying. It isn’t some contravention of biology for heterosexual close relationships.
Apparently lots of people believe the earth is flat as well. Doesn't make it true.
What happened to your friendship with “Eric” in all this? Seems like you def leaned toward the female side during all this.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
