Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why are you long distance? What are the circumstances of your meeting and relationship?
We work in different towns, our first meeting was also job-related.
At that point I must admit, my job is very demanding but I have changed my shedule to fit her needs much more than it was (financially) healthy for me already..
We work in different towns, our first meeting was also job-related.
At that point I must admit, my job is very demanding but I have changed my shedule to fit her needs much more than it was (financially) healthy for me already..
It sounds like you're just trying to force something that may have been fun for a while but really isn't going to work.
It is really hard for me to see the situation through an objective point of view. To her, I am the most evil and dirty-minded person if I feel uncomfortable with a guy who is in love with her sleeping over.
They even called me a pig having such thoughts of discomfort about the situation.
Maybe for someone who is emotionally not involved it is easy to say: "dump her", but I want to know if I can do anything to understand her better before breaking up with a person I love...
That's the thing. You're emotionally involved. But good relationships are about using your heart AND YOUR HEAD. BOTH have to be in agreement or there's trouble.
It sounds like you're just trying to force something that may have been fun for a while but really isn't going to work.
At this point where I am now, this sounds so hard.
I mean, we both have put much effort into the relationship and I would wish for more care and understanding from her side instead of blind rage and blaming/name calling.
But from what I have read here, it seems not possible to put her out of her egocentric view..
I want to believe that she would become as honest as she promises to be, since this kind of lying behaviour is absolutely alien to me, but my guts are also telling there is something wrong with it in long term.
Therefore I wrote this post, to get a reflection outside of the things she tells me to believe, and I am very thankful for any kind of advice.
One of the hardest things about relationships that I learned is that just because I would never do something doesn't mean someone else wouldn't. Wish I'd learned that at 24. Learn it now. Life is short. Stop wasting time!
thanks for your reflection. I tried to see the situation in too many layers/fascettes maybe.
But I do not think it is generally a thing about being weak male or female, but rather about very basic respect of an individual.
I mean, I never felt the urge to talk that guy down or anything - while in opposite HE always mentioned my flaws whenever possible.
mysticaltyger,
I am not sure why it is so hard to keep the ballance and stay focussed.
While at work I am highly efficient and everybody respects me a lot, I have many good people friends and so on.. she and her friends talk about me like I am the devil or something. No gift is the right, no words are nice enough.. all that talking behind my back and lies.
My brain knows there is something odd, but when she switches to her "cute and kind" mode, she is suddenly the person I used to know from the beginning and I doubt my own judgement.
It occured some months ago. She told me that her male friend would be sleeping over with her at the weekend. She noticed I was not okay with it, but ignored me.
This guy has a huge crush on her and is **** talking about me behind my back everyday.
For ex. he'd say: "Your BF is such a loser, his job sucks and I'm much more athletic than him!"
Such kind of discussions take hours where they talk all that bad things in detail. It is hurtful.
It would be more easy for me if he was a really nice person who respects me as her BF, but he is not.
She told me she has only platonic interest in him.
On the other hand she would have NEVER allowed a female friend to sleep over at my place. She would feel hurt and insecure if I did so.
That weekend that other guy came to her appartment (I had to work and was not there) and I couldn't bear imagining that guy with her all night along.
I called her saying again that I was not okay with it, she should please send him home.
At that point I must admit, I could have said this in a more calmer, less agitated way and I should'nt have assumed that he wanted to make out with her. (Even if it was true, he wanted her and she was aware of that. He is not a trustworthy person at all.)
But she got angry, calling me names. We were having a fight on the phone.
Finally, she pretended understanding me and said she sent that guy home. Later I found out that it was a lie and he stayed with her.
I don't know if she has cheated on me, she might have not.
But she has lied, telling that lie throughout weeks looking into my eyes while I had always been completely honest with her.
I don't know what to think anymore, please help me to see this situation more clear.
What is your opinion? Did my clingy behaviour urged her to the habit of lying? She is lying in many other situations similar as this one, too. I don't want to be jealous or forbid her anything, but it is painful knowing she stayed with that guy and that he is more important to her than me. (she said so)
Tony
Why would you want to be with someone who lies to you fairly routinely? Why are you continuing this relationship? How long have the lies been going on?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
