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Any of you ever done this? How did you keep your feelings from progressing into something long term ? I would think eventually someone would get hurt because feelings would get too deep and one person would end up wanting more. Isn’t getting into a short term relationship basically just using someone?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Originally Posted by DeCastro
Any of you ever done this? How did you keep your feelings from progressing into something long term ? I would think eventually someone would get hurt because feelings would get too deep and one person would end up wanting more. Isn’t getting into a short term relationship basically just using someone?
Well, I'm actually in a relationship (2 months so far) that I don't think is going to be a long-term one. I've told my woman from day one, I take this day by day. There isn't an expiration date but we've already had one really bad fight and things don't look promising. I'm trying to make it work but while I'm not proud of it, I've kinda held back because I'm very uncertain about my long-term plan for life in general and I don't want to get too invested emotionally just in case this don't work.
... I'm trying to make it work but while I'm not proud of it, I've kinda held back because I'm very uncertain about my long-term plan for life in general and I don't want to get too invested emotionally just in case this don't work.
The honesty is refreshing against the backdrop of your having expressed the day-to-day outlook to your partner that is controlling your present mindset. Fights - especially those bad and memorable ones - tend to cause reevaluations from both parties, but only you know when a certain threshold has been reached and it is time to take a break and focus your efforts elsewhere. Always be true to yourself ... best wishes.
Well, I'm actually in a relationship (2 months so far) that I don't think is going to be a long-term one. I've told my woman from day one, I take this day by day. There isn't an expiration date but we've already had one really bad fight and things don't look promising. I'm trying to make it work but while I'm not proud of it, I've kinda held back because I'm very uncertain about my long-term plan for life in general and I don't want to get too invested emotionally just in case this don't work.
I have a similar situation, only with a woman who's my friend. I met her through Meetup in September last year (2016), and we clicked (as friends) almost immediately, even though she's 10 years younger than me. Sometime in August this year (2017), she expressed romantic interest me. And based on our conversations, before the possibility of dating was even mentioned, I know she's looking for a relationship. Now, if you (plural) read my other posts on this forum, you know how I feel about relationships .
So I explained to her that we wouldn't work out as boyfriend and girlfriend, keeping things mostly honest, and leaving out the parts I knew would hurt her feelings. She wasn't happy, I'm sure, but I'm glad she was able to make peace with it; today, we're as good of friends as before. Of course, that might change when she finds a serious boyfriend, as it changed with my friends since high school ; but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
If you know up-front that the relationship will be short term (because you will move away, or don't find the person attractive for something lasting), then I think you must disclose that a LTR is not going to happen. That's the ethical thing to do as a decent human being.
However, if you don't know, and are giving things a chance, then there is no deception. Most relationships do not work out long term, and everyone knows this. It's unfortunate if it works for one person but not the other. The purpose of dating is to determine compatibility for the long term - unless it is clear that it is just for fun or just to learn the ropes.
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