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I actually came across this forum while I was reading up on this topic. Anyway, let me start and be warn that this might be long, as I'm not very good at simplifying details.
Recently have been going out with this guy who loves bragging about his money. I actually went out for a date with him once early last year, but he came on a bit too strong and it freaked me out. I felt like whenever I'm talking and he's listening, he's giving me this look that made me uncomfortable. Not sexual but just sort of an intense look maybe? I ignored his message after that because back then I didnt' have the balls to tell someone I'm not interested. He got a bit bitter by sending a link on rejection article/video. Understandable but most guys I have met before this would just move on, as would i.
He approached me again in November. On our first date, he mentioned all of the properties he owns and a new expensive car he's buying, along with the model some more. He even took the time searching for the car pictures to show to off. When he got his bonus, he asked if I wanna see his bank account balance to know how much the bonus is. Isn't that a little too much?
However, when it comes to spending he's very frugal.When we're going out on dates, most of the times he only wants to go to the cheapest place possible. If he didn't brag so much I actually wouldn't mind. But I find it weird that he wanna brag about how rich he is, but seems very difficult to part with his money. I think he's even frugal on himself, only looking to buy used phone, and said he rarely shops for clothes and most of them are old ones. Last weekend he even said he didn't have enough clothes to wear during the weekend.
He once told me his marriage expectation, which is solely for couples to share financial responsibilities. The thing is, he makes maybe 10 times more than I do, or even more. I think it comes naturally to share responsibilities, but stating that request when we're not even officially together and right off the bat, makes me feel a bit aware of him.
On our last date, which lead to me writing this: He asked me out for dinner, took me to a food court which has separate food and drinks stalls. After paying for the food, we sat down and he told me that if I need a drink to go with the meal, I can go and buy them myself. He didn't have enough cash, and he only wants to drink later. Fun fact, the ATM is literally less than a minute walk away. And he would still need to withdraw money to pay for parking tickets later.
We had a talk some time after that. His reason was he didn't get enough thank you's from me each time we go out. Maybe it is my fault, but for me I'd always say thank you when he's dropping me off, as a gratitude for the whole date. Maybe I should've said thank you each and every time he paid for meals.
Am I reading too much into this? I got quite the shock finding all these negative opinions and experiences from what I have read on this issue. These are my findings and how it fits him exactly:
1. Ego - Everything will always has to come back to him. Telling him about my problem will always ended up with me listening to his troubles instead. He would give little to no response to my story at all.
2. Controlling - A miser would not only control his own money, but would also be controlling on their partner's. He's already showing signs of that, when he's asking me if I need and want him to be advise/plan my own spending. This was around our 3rd or 4th date.
3. I forgot how it was explained but from my understanding, a miser would always justify their actions by blaming others. They feel very entitled to everything but will not give anything in return.
He does have a few positive sides that I should mention. He's quite understanding, and seems patient. Sometimes I can be a little too direct which others might take offensively, but he would just cool it down and laugh it off. I like that a lot because I know I'm quite the pessimist. He also seems to be wanting a serious relationship, talking about marriage and playing on the subject of meeting my family.
You might say, if I think he's so much problem, why do I bother still thinking about him and wanting to make this work? I haven't been in a serious relationship in years. Previously I have always rejected guys when I found just one flaw that I didn't like, just like when I first met him.
But I have my own flaws too, quite a lot in fact. So far I have actually told him most of my flaws, and he seems to be okay with them. So I don't wanna be running away from another guy before giving him another chance to truly get to know him.
On the other hand, I'm worried about all these telltale signs. Almost all readings I found is very negative on it. Even my friends are advising me these signs are not good at all. Also, I fell for people very easily. I'm afraid if I give it more time, I would end up truly falling for him and at the end (excuse my overthinking if it gets that far) married a miser. The stories of these marriages are quite bad.
I actually came across this forum while I was reading up on this topic. Anyway, let me start and be warn that this might be long, as I'm not very good at simplifying details.
Recently have been going out with this guy who loves bragging about his money. I actually went out for a date with him once early last year, but he came on a bit too strong and it freaked me out. I felt like whenever I'm talking and he's listening, he's giving me this look that made me uncomfortable. Not sexual but just sort of an intense look maybe? I ignored his message after that because back then I didnt' have the balls to tell someone I'm not interested. He got a bit bitter by sending a link on rejection article/video. Understandable but most guys I have met before this would just move on, as would i.
He approached me again in November. On our first date, he mentioned all of the properties he owns and a new expensive car he's buying, along with the model some more. He even took the time searching for the car pictures to show to off. When he got his bonus, he asked if I wanna see his bank account balance to know how much the bonus is. Isn't that a little too much?
However, when it comes to spending he's very frugal.When we're going out on dates, most of the times he only wants to go to the cheapest place possible. If he didn't brag so much I actually wouldn't mind. But I find it weird that he wanna brag about how rich he is, but seems very difficult to part with his money. I think he's even frugal on himself, only looking to buy used phone, and said he rarely shops for clothes and most of them are old ones. Last weekend he even said he didn't have enough clothes to wear during the weekend.
He once told me his marriage expectation, which is solely for couples to share financial responsibilities. The thing is, he makes maybe 10 times more than I do, or even more. I think it comes naturally to share responsibilities, but stating that request when we're not even officially together and right off the bat, makes me feel a bit aware of him.
On our last date, which lead to me writing this: He asked me out for dinner, took me to a food court which has separate food and drinks stalls. After paying for the food, we sat down and he told me that if I need a drink to go with the meal, I can go and buy them myself. He didn't have enough cash, and he only wants to drink later. Fun fact, the ATM is literally less than a minute walk away. And he would still need to withdraw money to pay for parking tickets later.
We had a talk some time after that. His reason was he didn't get enough thank you's from me each time we go out. Maybe it is my fault, but for me I'd always say thank you when he's dropping me off, as a gratitude for the whole date. Maybe I should've said thank you each and every time he paid for meals.
Am I reading too much into this? I got quite the shock finding all these negative opinions and experiences from what I have read on this issue. These are my findings and how it fits him exactly:
1. Ego - Everything will always has to come back to him. Telling him about my problem will always ended up with me listening to his troubles instead. He would give little to no response to my story at all.
2. Controlling - A miser would not only control his own money, but would also be controlling on their partner's. He's already showing signs of that, when he's asking me if I need and want him to be advise/plan my own spending. This was around our 3rd or 4th date.
3. I forgot how it was explained but from my understanding, a miser would always justify their actions by blaming others. They feel very entitled to everything but will not give anything in return.
He does have a few positive sides that I should mention. He's quite understanding, and seems patient. Sometimes I can be a little too direct which others might take offensively, but he would just cool it down and laugh it off. I like that a lot because I know I'm quite the pessimist. He also seems to be wanting a serious relationship, talking about marriage and playing on the subject of meeting my family.
You might say, if I think he's so much problem, why do I bother still thinking about him and wanting to make this work? I haven't been in a serious relationship in years. Previously I have always rejected guys when I found just one flaw that I didn't like, just like when I first met him.
But I have my own flaws too, quite a lot in fact. So far I have actually told him most of my flaws, and he seems to be okay with them. So I don't wanna be running away from another guy before giving him another chance to truly get to know him.
On the other hand, I'm worried about all these telltale signs. Almost all readings I found is very negative on it. Even my friends are advising me these signs are not good at all. Also, I fell for people very easily. I'm afraid if I give it more time, I would end up truly falling for him and at the end (excuse my overthinking if it gets that far) married a miser. The stories of these marriages are quite bad.
So guys, thoughts?
He is on his best behavior right now (as are you). This is the best you can expect it to be.
Well, why do you think he got rich? He knows where he wants to splurge which I think you said are cars? And those that he can be stingy which is food. LOL. I also don't pay for anything when I was doing online meets. I am also not EXPECTING them to splurge on me.
BUT, the one I married is the one who has no problems spending on me. So yeah, up to you to decide. Looks like you want to be taken care of so this guy is a no go for you.
Well this has been my M.O. all this time, sees flaw and I'm out. But after so many failed dates for the past 2 years, I'm starting to consider if I should give it more time before quitting it. This is my first experience with a guy like this, so I'm not sure what to do.
why would you date a guy who brags about money? Sounds like an idiot with major insecurities
It sounds like a major red flag, to me.
OP, this is his way of establishing his superiority and dominance over you. If you were to get into a relationship with him, you'd be viewed as a charity case or poor country cousin type that he was bestowing his favors on. (Meaning: he would have free license to be psychologically, if not physically, abusive.) Notice that he's already sending out strong signals that you should not expect any monetary benefits. This demonstrates that his boasting is only about marking his place as the top dog in the equation.
This has "train wreck" written all over it.
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