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I actually came across this forum while I was reading up on this topic. Anyway, let me start and be warn that this might be long, as I'm not very good at simplifying details.
Recently have been going out with this guy who loves bragging about his money. I actually went out for a date with him once early last year, but he came on a bit too strong and it freaked me out. I felt like whenever I'm talking and he's listening, he's giving me this look that made me uncomfortable. Not sexual but just sort of an intense look maybe? I ignored his message after that because back then I didnt' have the balls to tell someone I'm not interested. He got a bit bitter by sending a link on rejection article/video. Understandable but most guys I have met before this would just move on, as would i.
He approached me again in November. On our first date, he mentioned all of the properties he owns and a new expensive car he's buying, along with the model some more. He even took the time searching for the car pictures to show to off. When he got his bonus, he asked if I wanna see his bank account balance to know how much the bonus is. Isn't that a little too much?
However, when it comes to spending he's very frugal.When we're going out on dates, most of the times he only wants to go to the cheapest place possible. If he didn't brag so much I actually wouldn't mind. But I find it weird that he wanna brag about how rich he is, but seems very difficult to part with his money. I think he's even frugal on himself, only looking to buy used phone, and said he rarely shops for clothes and most of them are old ones. Last weekend he even said he didn't have enough clothes to wear during the weekend.
He once told me his marriage expectation, which is solely for couples to share financial responsibilities. The thing is, he makes maybe 10 times more than I do, or even more. I think it comes naturally to share responsibilities, but stating that request when we're not even officially together and right off the bat, makes me feel a bit aware of him.
On our last date, which lead to me writing this: He asked me out for dinner, took me to a food court which has separate food and drinks stalls. After paying for the food, we sat down and he told me that if I need a drink to go with the meal, I can go and buy them myself. He didn't have enough cash, and he only wants to drink later. Fun fact, the ATM is literally less than a minute walk away. And he would still need to withdraw money to pay for parking tickets later.
We had a talk some time after that. His reason was he didn't get enough thank you's from me each time we go out. Maybe it is my fault, but for me I'd always say thank you when he's dropping me off, as a gratitude for the whole date. Maybe I should've said thank you each and every time he paid for meals.
Am I reading too much into this? I got quite the shock finding all these negative opinions and experiences from what I have read on this issue. These are my findings and how it fits him exactly:
1. Ego - Everything will always has to come back to him. Telling him about my problem will always ended up with me listening to his troubles instead. He would give little to no response to my story at all.
2. Controlling - A miser would not only control his own money, but would also be controlling on their partner's. He's already showing signs of that, when he's asking me if I need and want him to be advise/plan my own spending. This was around our 3rd or 4th date.
3. I forgot how it was explained but from my understanding, a miser would always justify their actions by blaming others. They feel very entitled to everything but will not give anything in return.
He does have a few positive sides that I should mention. He's quite understanding, and seems patient. Sometimes I can be a little too direct which others might take offensively, but he would just cool it down and laugh it off. I like that a lot because I know I'm quite the pessimist. He also seems to be wanting a serious relationship, talking about marriage and playing on the subject of meeting my family.
You might say, if I think he's so much problem, why do I bother still thinking about him and wanting to make this work? I haven't been in a serious relationship in years. Previously I have always rejected guys when I found just one flaw that I didn't like, just like when I first met him.
But I have my own flaws too, quite a lot in fact. So far I have actually told him most of my flaws, and he seems to be okay with them. So I don't wanna be running away from another guy before giving him another chance to truly get to know him.
On the other hand, I'm worried about all these telltale signs. Almost all readings I found is very negative on it. Even my friends are advising me these signs are not good at all. Also, I fell for people very easily. I'm afraid if I give it more time, I would end up truly falling for him and at the end (excuse my overthinking if it gets that far) married a miser. The stories of these marriages are quite bad.
So guys, thoughts?
He's lying about the money he makes. He rents everything and lives the bling-bling rap lifestyle of being full of himself and drowning in debt. Be happy you ran from that mess.
He's lying about the money he makes. He rents everything and lives the bling-bling rap lifestyle of being full of himself and drowning in debt. Be happy you ran from that mess.
I'm surprised she went out with him past the first date. A date of bragging about money would have me climbing the walls from boredom. I'd have just said, "it was nice meeting you. I don't think we have much in common, though. Best wishes".
I dated a girl who was married to a man like this and it ended horribly. He cheated on her the first week of marriage and was narcissistic and controlling. Never be in a relationship with a deeply insecure man. He could also be lying about his money. I would verify this if you haven’t. Look him up on LinkedIn or something.
He is too overly focused on money, and if you marry him he'll probably try to take your money away from you.
I seriously doubt he's as rich as he claims. I think he's lying.
If you pay a fee to Truthfinder, (Like 24 a month and you can cancel at any time) you can find out more about his financial assets, whether or not he's ever declared bankruptcy, or if he has a criminal record.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkat.vs.marsbar
A guy who loves bragging about his wealth but stingy af
IMO.....this would be a dealbreaker. I woudn't want a man that spends so much he isn't smart about money..........BUT.....to be the opposite way is just as bad IMO.....maybe worse cause it says what a selfish man he is & that he thinks more about money than he does ppl....or you.
IMO.....this would be a dealbreaker. I woudn't want a man that spends so much he isn't smart about money..........BUT.....to be the opposite way is just as bad IMO.....maybe worse cause it says what a selfish man he is & that he thinks more about money than he does ppl....or you.
Also, if he's stingy then whats the point of having money? Might as well be with someone who makes less but won't use the money to control you and will actually spend it on nice things.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berteau
Also, if he's stingy then whats the point of having money? Might as well be with someone who makes less but won't use the money to control you and will actually spend it on nice things.
It's really not even about the money IMO............stingy is a sign of selfishness & control. AND it can happen with men that don't have much money too.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Submariner
So he makes good money and he is into investments, and he is training himself to be very frugal. Maybe he wants to 'retire early'.
I could see where I met that description when I was in my 20s and 30s, and I retired at 42.
That is not a bad thing.
O.P. didn't say frugal tho......she said stingy af. AND 42 is too young to retire anyways IMO...specially if you gotta be stingy to do it.
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