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Hi there. I've just found out that my ex is dating a new woman. But not just somebody new, a person i know.
I moved out of his house 2 month ago, and he was really pushing on it. The actual break up happened shortly before that, within a month. Do i need to say that the decision to break up was initiated by him. The devastating part is she's our common coworker. A person I know, and she knew we lived together. I quit that job just a month before things went wrong. And i always had a feeling smth is wrong about their "just good work relationship". He was saying i was too jealous insecure and paranoid bc she is ugly and he would never as she's nothing like his type of a woman. It happened to me once when i read his email when i was still living with him (not proud of it i know) and they were obviously flirting and it was clear they had sex. I confronted him and he said it was a joke. (oh yeah) And he also said we were broken up already so nothing else matters, although they clearly started before we actually broke up. In fact at that moment we still were living together, even had sex. But we all want to believe that things just didn't work out and we still can finish it in a decent civilized way.
And then now after 2 month of me trying to get myself together and keep only good memories about us i found out he is dating HER! Not just someone new, not a random sex with some unknown girl! It means he was cheating on me! Funny but he was initiating sex all the time even after the break up happened, and even tried to stop by just recently and asked me about my sex life! God knows if she didn't care or he lied to her that we are not together anymore at all long time.
Bottom line - Yesterday I lost it, and told him all i wanted to say about both of them and how i feel. He said he was a free person to do whatever and that he's never been happier than now. Then he blocked me.
I know some people can move on very soon, but this is something different. He was saying he doesn't know how to be alone and prefer to move from one person to another. In fact, things haven't work between us because I had issues about his past. I've also found out lately that he broke up with his ex who was his soulmate and love of his life right before he started with me. And also that they were in touch even when we were already dating. I wish I knew that thing before. Oh man, I hope their case is a rebound of the rebound too.
Please share your thoughts, as I feel betrayed and humiliated at the same time. Maybe something similar happened to any of you. I know there's no advice on that except for to stay cool but I'll appreciate any support you can provide.
Thank you.
There are men you fool around with and ones you keep.
My message to you is you need to refocus on what matters ...YOU.
You are not thinking straight ..... you just escaped a toxic person. You need to focus on how lucky you are to have walked away with out ending up with this guys kid. You are free ...... run on now..... look for someone or something better!!!!!!!! Don't look back. That is what gives garbage people like this their egos. They like feeling they can get leave trails of broken hearts.
Thank you so much, guys. I really need to hear that.
I probably should go to "loneliness" thread too, as I am also trying to cope with my extreme loneliness these days, that's why I posted my sorrow here and that's why I need your support.I live in the city with no friends and family (moved here around 4 years ago from another country). It's basically just home-work- home. And then there were holidays right after that break up - Thanksgiving, Christmas, NY's and right after my birthday, I turned 38. All spent in total solitude. Only that makes me miserable, let alone doesn't help to move on fast enough. Not a great beginning of the year...
I only hope there will be spring again.
Thank you so much, guys. I really need to hear that.
I probably should go to "loneliness" thread too, as I am also trying to cope with my extreme loneliness these days, that's why I posted my sorrow here and that's why I need your support.I live in the city with no friends and family (moved here around 4 years ago from another country). It's basically just home-work- home. And then there were holidays right after that break up - Thanksgiving, Christmas, NY's and right after my birthday, I turned 38. All spent in total solitude. Only that makes me miserable, let alone doesn't help to move on fast enough. Not a great beginning of the year...
I only hope there will be spring again.
Consider taking a class or meet up.com type groups
Great ways to meet other adults and start friendships.
Don't make one person your everything ..... you need to have freinds in addition to a partner.
Thank you so much, guys. I really need to hear that.
I probably should go to "loneliness" thread too, as I am also trying to cope with my extreme loneliness these days, that's why I posted my sorrow here and that's why I need your support.I live in the city with no friends and family (moved here around 4 years ago from another country). It's basically just home-work- home. And then there were holidays right after that break up - Thanksgiving, Christmas, NY's and right after my birthday, I turned 38. All spent in total solitude. Only that makes me miserable, let alone doesn't help to move on fast enough. Not a great beginning of the year...
I only hope there will be spring again.
Oh wow, really tough time. But aholes will be aholes. You did say he was still with his gf when he plan to make you his future ex-gf right? did you know then? If you do, then I really wonder why you're surprised. OR if you found out same day he left you for what you KNOW will be his future ex-gf... I mean how about relishing in that fact? LOL. I know it's a VERY foreseeable future but I highly recommend you picture it happening NOW coz you and I know that will happen sooner or later, no?
Break ups suck, but at least you have closure. You know he is a liar and a cheat. He did you a favor by blocking you. No Contact is the way to deal with cheating narcissists.
He didn't "move on". To "move on" you need a little time alone. He monkey branched. And he'll probably do the same to the new chick. But you won't be around to care. YOU will have truly moved on, as long as you take the time, lick your wounds, and consider what mistakes you made getting involved with him in the first place. Do better next time.
Thank you so much, guys. I really need to hear that.
I probably should go to "loneliness" thread too, as I am also trying to cope with my extreme loneliness these days, that's why I posted my sorrow here and that's why I need your support.I live in the city with no friends and family (moved here around 4 years ago from another country). It's basically just home-work- home. And then there were holidays right after that break up - Thanksgiving, Christmas, NY's and right after my birthday, I turned 38. All spent in total solitude. Only that makes me miserable, let alone doesn't help to move on fast enough. Not a great beginning of the year...
I only hope there will be spring again.
When I moved to a place where I hardly knew anyone, I would take my laptop or a book and go to where people were. I went to the library or to a coffee shop. Most of the time I didn't speak to anyone, but it just felt better being around other people.
I didn't want to go to a bar because that's how I had met my alkie exH. I was afraid if I did that out of loneliness, I would end up with another one just like him.
Eventually I joined a writing group on Meetup and volunteered to serve on my condo board and slowly met neighbors and people in the area. Now I know too many people lol.
It would be good though to find a hobby or an interest and then join a group. You might not make best buds with anyone there, but it will widen your circle and one thing often leads to another. Go without unrealistic expectations, but go. Nothing happens when you just stay home and feel sad, especially if that's all you feel like doing. That's how we wind up with stupid loser partners.
Another thing. You know something more now about what you DON'T want in a man. How about what you do want? Make a list. I don't just mean blue eyes and a hot body type of list--you can just reduce that down to "attraction", but how about someone who is interested in what you say? Who listens to you and has a real give-and-take conversation with you? Who wants to do the same things you do, and list what those things are. Do you care if a guy reads books or not? If he loves animals? Will it bother you if he likes to watch sports that you don't watch and are you OK with amusing yourself during those sports if that's the case? What kind of character traits do you want in a partner?
Oh wow, really tough time. But aholes will be aholes. You did say he was still with his gf when he plan to make you his future ex-gf right? did you know then? If you do, then I really wonder why you're surprised. OR if you found out same day he left you for what you KNOW will be his future ex-gf... I mean how about relishing in that fact? LOL. I know it's a VERY foreseeable future but I highly recommend you picture it happening NOW coz you and I know that will happen sooner or later, no?
Lol that would be fair. Unfortunately not always 'what goes around comes around" If that's what you mean.
I apologize if my post was confusing, I was very emotional at that moment and English is not my first language.
When he broke up with me I searched and saw emails from that coworker (flirting) and also old emails from his ex, dated that period of time when me and him were already together. I had no idea about all of that happening. I got mad and realized that the inner feeling was bothering me for a reason, we had a scandal about it too. He was completely in denial about flirting with his coworker.
We had issues but then I thought we could have fixed them and really tried. He didn't try a bit , didn't give it a chance at all, and soon said he was done. I chose not to pursue that any longer too. I don't want to force a person to be with me.
And now he is in relationship with that coworker. That means that he was cheating on me God knows for how long, and put our break up mostly on me, made me think I'm not good enough to try any longer.
So the end and the beginning of everything were totally based on lies.
The interesting thing:every time a have a feeling something is wrong - it is. Like you suspect smb is doing something bad and find a prove right away. And it happens to many people. So the intuition we have is so strong that it's almost impossible to hide anything LOL. So how people even still trying to get away with their lies?
Hold this thought: there will come a time when you will be really glad he's an ex. It hurts now but not forever.
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