Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
All she said was that he couldn't be in a relationship, he didn't tell her to go kick rocks.
Notice how you're not alone in seeing this as "The good looking guy rejected her"? Notice how it coincidentally also comes from people here who can't seem to be in a happy relationship, a couple of whom also think that's due to awful wimmenz, and maybe they'll just give up?
What my intent is, that some people who can't seem to be in happy relationships are attracted to people who aren't great relationship material, and THAT'S why they're attracted to them. They have a broken picker.
Continuing to be interested in someone who won't be able to make her happy = what I meant by the real life phenomenon of being attracted to jackasses, or at least attracted to someone who won't be able to make her happy.
I take her post as coming from someone (like me), who has realized their thinking was messed up, and they actually deserve to be in a relationship with someone who thinks they're amazing.
Sometimes when we fix our thinking, we can actually be attracted to the one who would be best for us.
It's what I think whenever you say you automatically reject a woman who makes the first move. Thats the catch 22 you've put yourself in. Shes now unattractive to you, for reasons that aren't true for everyone.
What was the point of mentioning her boyfriend isn't as good looking as the first guy? It had nothing to do with the point of the story.
She made it seem like she made an amazing sacrifice to go after a guy not as good looking as the good looking guy who rejected her.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
All she said was that he couldn't be in a relationship, he didn't tell her to go kick rocks.
Notice how you're not alone in seeing this as "The good looking guy rejected her"? Notice how it coincidentally also comes from people here who can't seem to be in a happy relationship, a couple of whom also think that's due to awful wimmenz, and maybe they'll just give up?
What my intent is, that some people who can't seem to be in happy relationships are attracted to people who aren't great relationship material, and THAT'S why they're attracted to them. They have a broken picker.
Continuing to be interested in someone who won't be able to make her happy = what I meant by the real life phenomenon of being attracted to jackasses, or at least attracted to someone who won't be able to make her happy.
I take her post as coming from someone (like me), who has realized their thinking was messed up, and they actually deserve to be in a relationship with someone who thinks they're amazing.
Sometimes when we fix our thinking, we can actually be attracted to the one who would be best for us.
It's what I think whenever you say you automatically reject a woman who makes the first move. Thats the catch 22 you've put yourself in. Shes now unattractive to you, for reasons that aren't true for everyone.
At the end of the day, the good looking dude didn't want to be with her, call it a rejection or not, dude didn't want to be with her. Moving on from that dude was a correct move.
The move I'm worried about is she potentially had her mindset on being with dude who rejected her when that didn't work she was still in a get into a relationship mode. So in that mode she quickly moved into a relationship with a dude who she rejected 6 times prior. What changed with him that didn't make him worthy 6 times before? Being with someone who rejected you 6 times isn't a good indicator of good self esteem far as dude goes.
I have reservations about the OPs message, which I think aren't without merit.
What changed with him that didn't make him worthy 6 times before? Being with someone who rejected you 6 times isn't a good indicator of good self esteem far as dude goes.
Did he say he doesn't want to be with her or did he say he doesn't want a relationship? Maybe he tells her the same things he tells all women --he doesn't want to be in a relationship he likes to date a lot of people at once. That isn't rejection if she can agree with that, but she decided that's not what she wants.
I'm not having the opposite opinion just to argue, but ...because in fact you see this completely opposite of me.
Nothing changed about the guy who she had previously rejected, something changed about HER and realizing she wasn't getting what she needed, and maybe her needs became more important.
Being with somebody who makes her feel good about herself, instead of somebody who makes her feel unwanted or just a groupie, says a lot of positive things about her self-esteem as far as I'm concerned.
So basically, you couldn't get the guy you wanted so you got with someone so desperate and who couldn't take an L and just keep it moving because he was available and wouldn't reject you so he was your "safety pick" and your backup plan? Did I summarize this correctly?
Even though I'm an ahole, I didn't like being one in this case. I get your message but let's keep it real, you settled. It looks like it turned out to be good for you but I don't believe in settling. I also don't believe in asking a lady out again if she rejects you or going out with her if she previously rejected you (not that this ever happens anyway).
Settle if you want to, but there are those who feel no relationship is a better alternative than settling for one. I made the mistake with my last relationship of settling, never again.
Well at least she is not single for life, like you, LOL. Enjoy your misery. I am 'glad' you don't want to 'settle' for company.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by wowowee
Well at least she is not single for life, like you, LOL. Enjoy your misery. I am 'glad' you don't want to 'settle' for company.
Way to miss the point entirely. I’m going to try to interpret this one more time. Don’t know why but I need a distraction from my grad school work so here goes.
Being single should not be seen as a negative option if you get rejected by someone you really desired. The OPs premise as I interpret it is that a relationship with someone you have marginal interest in is better than no relationship so she made that choice and she is satisfied with that and encourages it for others.
I’m coming along as someone who made the same choice as OP and had a negative experience for it so I am trying to present another perspective and trying to remove some of the negative stigma around singleness as a choice. My ex has begged for me back, so I could be not single if I wanted to. But I want a woman who I’m excited about rather than marginally interested in and I don’t consider singleness to be a negative thing so that is why I made my choice to stay single for now and wait for someone else who I can get excited for.
My whole point is that staying single and waiting for someone who you have a massive interest in should not be seen as a negative choice. The problem with OPs situation is it seems like she settled out of fear of being single, which I view as problematic position.
Way to miss the point entirely. I’m going to try to interpret this one more time. Don’t know why but I need a distraction from my grad school work so here goes.
Being single should not be seen as a negative option if you get rejected by someone you really desired. The OPs premise as I interpret it is that a relationship with someone you have marginal interest in is better than no relationship so she made that choice and she is satisfied with that and encourages it for others.
I’m coming along as someone who made the same choice as OP and had a negative experience for it so I am trying to present another perspective and trying to remove some of the negative stigma around singleness as a choice. My ex has begged for me back, so I could be not single if I wanted to. But I want a woman who I’m excited about rather than marginally interested in and I don’t consider singleness to be a negative thing so that is why I made my choice to stay single for now and wait for someone else who I can get excited for.
My whole point is that staying single and waiting for someone who you have a massive interest in should not be seen as a negative choice. The problem with OPs situation is it seems like she settled out of fear of being single, which I view as problematic position.
Lots of people do it though. To me, it sounds like she decided to give the guy who showed tons of interest in her a chance and found out that she really likes him. Which is fine. He may not have been her first choice, but lots of people are in relationships with people who weren't their first choice. They just aren't necessarily going to go around admitting that to everybody. You can't always have your first (or second, third, etc.) choice. So you can choose to stay single or give someone who wasn't your first choice a chance.
So you can choose to stay single or give someone who wasn't your first choice a chance.
Basically, yeah that is what I believe what happened with the OP which I think Dissenter did not get. You need a new brain wave Dissenter. Seriously, it will seem I am mean to you but trust me, I am trying to help you. Open your heart and your mind.
I also was single for life until I woke up and that is what I am trying to do for forever single posters here, LOL, trust me, I lived it. I am married now and so I can say I am glad I see the light.
Life is REALLY better when you have someone to love. Coming from me who thought I never need anyone to be happy. How wrong I was.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by wowowee
Basically, yeah that is what I believe what happened with the OP which I think Dissenter did not get. You need a new brain wave Dissenter. Seriously, it will seem I am mean to you but trust me, I am trying to help you. Open your heart and your mind.
I also was single for life until I woke up and that is what I am trying to do for forever single posters here, LOL, trust me, I lived it. I am married now and so I can say I am glad I see the light.
Life is REALLY better when you have someone to love. Coming from me who thought I never need anyone to be happy. How wrong I was.
Seriously, you are STILL not getting my point. I don’t look at being single as a BAD thing I need to correct at once. That means I’m perfectly content with Plan B as being single until I can get someone who is a first choice. My happiness is not dependent on having someone so I’m not willing to settle, others like OP are, I’m NOT content to settle.
Last edited by The Dissenter; 01-13-2018 at 09:16 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
you don't want to 'settle' for company. 
point. 
I don’t look at being single as a BAD thing I need to correct at once. 
