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Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,068,439 times
Reputation: 4478
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
Right? You can't keep yourself from doing things because "what if something bad happens"... what if something GOOD happens?!
Also, don't go looking for a relationship that will lead to something more. You have to start with a first date. You think it sounds like fun to go out with him? Someone who actually wants to go somewhere and do something? Someone who wants to go someplace that you'd be interested in going? Then go out with him!
I don't know, OP doesn't seem to be a person who can just go out and have fun. It seems to me that she's over analyzing things before she's even met him, let alone gotten intimate.
Daisy, based on all your prior threads I find it very unlikely that you'll be content in a casual relationship. Isn't your dream a Disney wedding? You have very romantic ideals that would indicate you would have a harder time than the average person in accepting a casual dating situation.
It's OK to hold out for someone who is open to dating seriously. Settling for less because you're lonely is only going to wind up making you feel even more lonely in the end.
I agree.
Normally I am very much a "carpe diem" person, but to me there's a difference between "seizing the day" and "abandoning all reason." It involves knowing and respecting your OWN limits.
He wants to date and have sex and "romance" but doesn't want to be "tied down."
Ok. Sounds like a mess for people who aren't specific about their feelings and experienced with moderating those feelings.
I'm a guy. I know how many if not most guys think. My concern would be how many other women is he saying the exact thing to, and hooking up with. It may just be a numbers game for this guy like making sales calls, getting "prospects", and then hitting the ones that come through.
I'm a guy. I know how many if not most guys think. My concern would be how many other women is he saying the exact thing to, and hooking up with. It may just be a numbers game for this guy like making sales calls, getting "prospects", and then hitting the ones that come through.
Of course!
He's throwing out a line to see who will bite.
Well, he's probably throwing out a net. If others are on board, great. But if others kinda think they're on board but aren't sure and just wanna try it and see how it goes, not so great.
What will one date hurt? Probably not much, but seriously this guy isn't really interested in dating and will probably push her for sex the first time.
OP, if you don't want to have series of casual flings with casual sex, don't go on dates with a guy who has clearly stated that's what he wants to do.
Why don't you just hold out for meeting guys with whom you could have a long term relationship? You know, that would make your behavior consistent with that of pretty much every woman ever in human history. It's not weird to do so.
There are lots of men who want to meet a woman, fall in love, get married, etc. Just look at how many people are married. The women aren't holding guns to the men's heads.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,068,439 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by turf3
OP, if you don't want to have series of casual flings with casual sex, don't go on dates with a guy who has clearly stated that's what he wants to do.
Why don't you just hold out for meeting guys with whom you could have a long term relationship? You know, that would make your behavior consistent with that of pretty much every woman ever in human history. It's not weird to do so.
There are lots of men who want to meet a woman, fall in love, get married, etc. Just look at how many people are married. The women aren't holding guns to the men's heads.
I don't know that this is any more of a healthier mindset than the opposite of it? Why put labels on everything? Why not just go out with a guy who peeks your interest and you're compatible with? Screen out for variables you're clearly not interested in--in OP's case, that would be random hook ups, but remain flexible and engaged otherwise?
Please just be careful. My daughter (31) was on a date with someone she met online. Talked to a guy for a while and met him for pizza and "beers". After one drink (vodka/ cran) she went to the restroom, went back to the table, and remembers nothing until she woke up in jail the next morning. I know in my heart she was drugged but there is no proof. We even tried to get the camera footage from the bar but it "wasn't working that night".
She rolled her car 4 times on the freeway. Didn't hit anyone else and is lucky to be alive. It was in a part of town far from the place they met and far from her home. She's never even had a speeding ticket and always Ubers when she knows she's going to drink. I bailed her out but by the time we got to the hospital to have her checked out too much time had passed and the Dr. said any drugs would be out of her system. And the guy is no longer online and she has never heard from him again.
Lesson learned. She got a DUI but has her life thank God and no one else was hurt. If you saw her car you would not believe she came out relatively unscathed.
I met my husband online dating in 1999. Things were just different back then. Have fun but please be careful.
I don't know, OP doesn't seem to be a person who can just go out and have fun. It seems to me that she's over analyzing things before she's even met him, let alone gotten intimate.
That could be, and like those who read or remembered her posting history before responding, she may not have changed expectations or what will make her happy..
I found a committed relationship when I wasn't looking for one, but before that I had a couple of good years doing things and going places with people I would never have met.
Sometimes one meets others through a friend of a friend, or new experiences. I wouldn't change anything that happened, even (especially) the learning experiences.
annieosage brings up another very important part of this, but since OP is not exactly brand new to dating (in any form) I figured she probably knows already... The safety protocols one should deploy when meeting a new person. First meetings are in public, have a safe call, things like that. Watch your drink and don't get hammered. Have your own ride home, in case you need to leave. And park somewhere well lit and public.
All that sort of thing.
Don't go to his place, unless you're prepared to consent to sex.
Right? You can't keep yourself from doing things because "what if something bad happens"... what if something GOOD happens?!
Also, don't go looking for a relationship that will lead to something more. You have to start with a first date. You think it sounds like fun to go out with him? Someone who actually wants to go somewhere and do something? Someone who wants to go someplace that you'd be interested in going? Then go out with him!
The OP is someone who says she has conservative morals. Now others here have mentioned her romantic ideals from other threads. If the OP should have an unpleasant surprise result from ignoring her better judgment and putting her morals on hold for a night, or a few weeks, there's a good chance she would not handle it well. There would be emotional/psychological fallout. A pregnancy? An STD? Maybe even an incurable one, that's she'll have to live with for life (herpes)? How would she deal with that? What would she think of herself, for the rest of her life, if that were to happen?
But if she does go through with it, I wish her the best of luck, and hope she stays safe.
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