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I think this has much less to do about gender and more about who had more invested into the relationship emotionally.... it factors in to how quickly a person can move on.
Definitely true. Also, if a person moves on immediately after a relationship ends, it's generally a sign that they already had someone in the pipeline to whom they were giving attention before the old relationship was over. That doesn't feel great, no matter who you are.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Definitely true. Also, if a person moves on immediately after a relationship ends, it's generally a sign that they already had someone in the pipeline to whom they were giving attention before the old relationship was over. That doesn't feel great, no matter who you are.
Don't know if it is necessarily someone else in the pipeline in each case. It may just be that the person checked out emotionally long before the relationship ended. Chris Rock had a joke about If you break up after a year, you really been broken up for 6 months emotionally.
Don't know if it is necessarily someone else in the pipeline in each case. It may just be that the person checked out emotionally long before the relationship ended. Chris Rock had a joke about If you break up after a year, you really been broken up for 6 months emotionally.
Sure, it's not unusual, but still, it does sting to know that you were plugging along working on your relationship and hoping things were improving and they weren't. For months. To find out that your S0 had checked out to the point that they could jump right into another relationship immediately after the breakup is not a great feeling.
I think Dissenter got it right, more or less. We tend to look back and think, "Wow, is that all I meant to this person, if s/he was able to move on this quickly?"
And of course that may be true, but then again, it may not be, as some here have already pointed out. The person may already have been cheating, or the person may want/need an immediate distraction, or the person may be doing an "in your face" as the one who was rejected, or the person may legitimately just meet a wonderful person right away. There could be any reason.
But it's human nature to feel a little hurt that someone we loved can move on quickly from us.
With that said, I really haven't had this happen much to me. I do know the man I dated right before I met my husband rubbed it in my face immediately about how "busy" he was right after our breakup. Hinty-hinty, winky-winky. (I kept trying to shake him off and ultimately just blocked him; this was in the old AOL days.) A few months later I had met my (now) husband and this ex called me at work. He COULD NOT BELIEVE that I had moved on just three months later (uh...?). He was so angry. And hurt. At first I thought that was weird. Then I realized: you know what? This is just human nature. We are not always logical but we are predictable.
Why do women care if a man dates a woman so soon after they break up? Why are the men "supposed" to give time like a few weeks before he moves on?
Once the break-up happens, it's OVER. The relationship is OVER. Why can't a man just move on immediately to another woman? It...is...OVER. They are no longer together. They are no longer in a relationship.
You do not have a vaginer.... maybe if you did you would understand it makes sense to space out lovers.
I think this is a matter of personal philosophy for one thing. I have seen countless people on this forum advise others who have recently broke up to be alone for a while.
If the intent of dating someone is strictly to try and form a life-bond, then I would agree. Because the first partner, or first few, after a breakup, are normally kind of rebound-ish and don't last. So that whole "don't do anything stupid, be alone for a while" advice could be to prevent the sorts of interactions some see as "mistakes."
I don't think that has to be the way it is for everyone though...because I see mistakes as not really mistakes but rather learning opportunities. I had a doomed sort of a fling after my breakup, and it was a lot of fun, and then it also was very confusing and somewhat emotionally painful...but afterwards, thinking about it, I learned a LOT from that little whirlwind. That guy could have been placed in my path to teach me important lessons I needed to learn, to pave the way for the important stuff that would come later. And I certainly wasn't fixated on the idea of finding Mr. Happily Ever After, for a while, after I broke up with my ex. I did not date or sleep with that man because I thought he'd be mine forever or anything like that.
So there is the philosophical end of things.
But then, too, getting hit in the face with, "No, it is irretrievably and forever OVER between us, in fact, I have moved on" can be a bit of an emotional shock to the system. I think I'd be happy if my ex found someone to love, genuinely happy for him if he could move on to someone new. I don't like to know that he is suffering and alone. Yet the fact that he would not even THINK of getting back together with me still hurts a little. It's a "wow, you really don't recognize all the good I did for you, all those years?" kind of a feeling. This, despite the fact that I would not really want to be back with him, despite the fact that I am with someone new who treats me so much better. Guess one just wants to feel like the years we spent with someone were worth something to them, that it wasn't all for nothing. A sort of sunk cost fallacy of the heart perhaps.
Why do women care if a man dates a woman so soon after they break up? Why are the men "supposed" to give time like a few weeks before he moves on?
Once the break-up happens, it's OVER. The relationship is OVER. Why can't a man just move on immediately to another woman? It...is...OVER. They are no longer together. They are no longer in a relationship.
Women recently out of relationships are also similarly admonished to avoid rebound flings.
It isn't a guy thing. Many people are distrustful of relationship hopping, and people can always be skeptical about others they perceive as unable to be alone happily, for better or worse.
Women recently out of relationships are also similarly admonished to avoid rebound flings.
It isn't a guy thing. Many people are distrustful of relationship hopping, and people can always be skeptical about others they perceive as unable to be alone happily, for better or worse.
Re: "It's OVER, " Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
Yeah. I think everyone is advised of this, pretty much.
Personally, I've never followed this rule, nor the opposite "get back on that horse" rule. When it happened after a breakup, it happened. If I'd have waited even though somebody great came along, I'd have missed out on that great person. If I'd pushed it and grabbed for just any guy right away to "get over" the relationship, I'm sure it would have been hollow. And quite possibly I'd have inadvertently hurt that person.
So I just went with what I was legitimately feeling for the next person to come along, whenever that did happen.
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