I have a crush on my therapist (*face palm*) (female, love, single)
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Of course I know nothing romantic can come of this. I'm not entertaining any ideas of romance. What I would really like to know is how to stop the crush in its tracks.
1. Stop fantasizing about him.
2. Look at what you DON'T like about him. Does he have dirty nails? Does he snort when he laughs? Seeing the bad with the good takes things out of "perfect mate fantasy" and into reality.
3. Imagine him on the toilet. Picking his nose. Farting. Normal, non-fantasy things that everyone does (well, maybe not the nose part). Things that if you really were together, he'd do pretty routinely. Like your exes all did. Like your fat uncle does. Like everybody does. When in fantasy stage, we only see and daydream about the amazing climax leading up to the declaration of love and blah blah, like in a movie. But after that, real life happens. Real, boring life. Imagine that real, boring life. It's what would happen.
4. Realize that he's kind, understanding, and wants to get to know the inner you not because he is your dream man but because he gets paid to. He looks deeply into the inner you, and then holds his hand out for a check. Imagine if you didn't have that check. He'd cut off ALL that compassionate, insightful concern. Immediately. Like, before you were out the door. This is his business. This is his career. It isn't all because he thinks you, personally, are so special. He acts THE SAME WAY with every single other client. Including other female clients. A dozen times a day, every day. If they pay him. Just like you. He isn't a lover. He is a service.
5. Date, if you're in any shape at all to date. If not, skip this step...you could mess with other people badly this way if you're not ready for dating.
Of course I know nothing romantic can come of this. I'm not entertaining any ideas of romance. What I would really like to know is how to stop the crush in its tracks.
You can't.
You feel how you feel.
The degree to which it impacts your therapy, treatment plan, progress, etc. will tell you (and your therapist) if an ongoing client/therapist relationship is healthy, helpful, or warranted.
Of course I know nothing romantic can come of this. I'm not entertaining any ideas of romance. What I would really like to know is how to stop the crush in its tracks.
It's very common, and it sounds like it's really kinda temporary for you.
It just sounds more like erotic transference to me. It's really only a problem if you cannot shake this crush, which I am betting you can, and it's a REAL problem if your therapist does this with YOU. But it sounds like he has a pretty good handle on it so far.
He can use these feelings and the situation to help you recognize problematic habits and thoughts to avoid in future relationships.
1. Stop fantasizing about him.
2. Look at what you DON'T like about him. Does he have dirty nails? Does he snort when he laughs? Seeing the bad with the good takes things out of "perfect mate fantasy" and into reality.
3. Imagine him on the toilet. Picking his nose. Farting. Normal, non-fantasy things that everyone does (well, maybe not the nose part). Things that if you really were together, he'd do pretty routinely. Like your exes all did. Like your fat uncle does. Like everybody does. When in fantasy stage, we only see and daydream about the amazing climax leading up to the declaration of love and blah blah, like in a movie. But after that, real life happens. Real, boring life. Imagine that real, boring life. It's what would happen.
4. Realize that he's kind, understanding, and wants to get to know the inner you not because he is your dream man but because he gets paid to.
4. Date, if you're in any shape at all to date. If not, skip this step...you could mess with other people badly this way if you're not ready for dating.
Feelings aren't something you can control. But you can control your actions. Try to figure out why these feelings developed in the first place. If he thinks he can help you figure it out without anything weird happening, it could be worth a shot. Just be careful.
She actually can. There ARE steps to getting over a crush that's based on fantasy. Her crush isn't based on this guy as a person. It's based on how he *acts* because he is paid to act that way. When she lets go of this crush, she isn't required to let go of "him" as a person. She doesn't KNOW him as a person. She knows how he is paid to act as his daily career, and that's it. Much, much easier to let go of than, say, real love based on having known someone in one's day to day life and having real-time experiences together and so on.
I'm not saying all this is easy, we are all only human. But yes, there are some very real steps the OP can take to stop seeing this man as a potential mate.
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