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If after seven months of dating I tried to kiss a guy and he cheeked me, I'd have asked him right there on the spot - do you want to be with me or don't you? Based on their answer, it might end up being our last date.
She sounds like she wants to control, and wants your attention, but doesn't want physical intimacy with you - and if that's what you're looking for you'll have to look elsewhere.
If after seven months of dating I tried to kiss a guy and he cheeked me, I'd have asked him right there on the spot - do you want to be with me or don't you? Based on their answer, it might end up being our last date.
I wouldn't ask. IMO, the cheek says it all. Nothing much to discuss, really. I think I'd curl up a little inside from embarrassment and then casually fade into a just-friendship since the person obviously saw me as just a friend. I mean it can't get much more clear than that.
I've never actually had this happen but I can imagine it and it doesn't feel like it would be very optimistic as far as a potential relationship going forward.
I've got to agree with JerZ all the way on this. Her idea of a relationship isn't the same as yours and probably never will be. Some people are like that. Just feel lucky that you know this know rather than find out later. Call it off now, no details required. "We're not compatible."
I've got to agree with JerZ all the way on this. Her idea of a relationship isn't the same as yours and probably never will be. Some people are like that. Just feel lucky that you know this know rather than find out later. Call it off now, no details required. "We're not compatible."
I agree too.
OP, next date you make with her (and let her call you), tell her straight that you are taking her to your place and you are going to have sex - for the date. Done. Tell her you'll take her out for something to eat after. She might turn down the date but you'll have lost nothing and saved yourself some time. If she does turn you down, ghost her. If she calls you up again tell the same deal stands.
Oh yeah, don't bother with making out and all that. She's not into kissing anyway.
excellent, that is what I thought as well... I should've never agreed to get back together but she made such a melodrama about how much she wanted me etc. etc. and then WTF? if you want me so much then what is it with the physical aloofness, looks like this girl is just playing games and/or she is mentally off
I don't mean this in a sarcastic way, but why aren't you tell HER what you're telling us?
IMO, you're not compatible in your views, and may also have incompatible libidos.
I was willing to wait up to a couple of months for things to get sexual, but no longer - and it would also depend on the number of dates during that time, to some degree.
For LDRs in particular, I think it is important to establish sexual compatibility fairly soon, because LDRs are difficult and there needs to be more of an incentive to make the sacrifices needed to continue one.
Regardless of distance or other factors, I've never had to wait more than a month or a handful of dates before the women I dated wanted to turn it sexual. So, my thinking is, if a woman does not, then she may be sex-averse by religion/indoctrination, have a low libido (incompatible with mine), or some past traumatic experience that turns her off sex - in any of those scenarios, I would not be interested in continuing to date her.
In your situation, I doubt I would continue seeing her, and even if it does turn sexual, I would be very aware of the quality and quantity, to be sure she is sexually compatible.
I Think you should talk to her about it first. IMO that is not that long. Maybe, she wants to establish something real first before moving physically. And no, two months really isnt long enough for that (something real) in most cases.
OP, next date you make with her (and let her call you), tell her straight that you are taking her to your place and you are going to have sex - for the date. Done. Tell her you'll take her out for something to eat after. She might turn down the date but you'll have lost nothing and saved yourself some time. If she does turn you down, ghost her. If she calls you up again tell the same deal stands.
Oh yeah, don't bother with making out and all that. She's not into kissing anyway.
I would not recommend this approach. What is she, a sex worker? Trading sex for a meal? How charming.
It's possible she likes you but has hang ups about sex or doesn't have that much of a sex drive.
Either way, sounds like you're fundamentally incompatible.
Agree with this. Sexual incompatibility can be grounds for break up. It's the same as communication, if you two can't get along sexually, try to talk straight to her, if she's still acting the same, think again if you should wait for her to progress.
yes, but if she isn't physically interested then why the heck is she hounding me to date her? wtf? is she perhaps asexual and wants a minimally sexual relationship? or she is just a type that thinks it's proper only to be physical after marriage? perhaps I should ask her directly.. the thing is that in my view asking kills the romance and attraction, these things should happen naturally and spontaneously. That is how it's happened in the past.
I don't think the assumption JerZ made was fair regarding attraction. Some people just don't move quickly (at all!), others aren't very physically affectionate in general, etc. There's nothing wrong with wanting physical affection. Maybe you and your girl are on different pages.
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