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Some people just don't want the emotional hassle of having that conversation. I can understand that because when I have ended a relationship with women, and gave them the reasons I no longer wanted to be romantically involved they got all mad, emotional, and sometimes downright mean.
Also many people do not like confrontations. What one person perceives as a meaningless fling others perceive as more.
I wasn't aware that casual meant people could ignore common decency.
Wish I didn't know that now.
I don't think anyone is saying that. However, when you state the relationship is casual, and non committal, I don't think one should feel poorly if ghosted.
I don't think anyone is saying that. However, when you state the relationship is casual, and non committal, I don't think one should feel poorly if ghosted.
They shouldn't, IF both parties agree on the noncommital part, but it sounds like james wanted the ol' uncommitted commitment:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamesoriley86
... all I want is a steady lay without commitment lol.
To me, "steady" = he had expectations, and that is why he's disappointed. It's a contradiction.
I don't think anyone is saying that. However, when you state the relationship is casual, and non committal, I don't think one should feel poorly if ghosted.
I would say that ghosting is a lack of common decency.
And if doing so "because it's casual" is acceptable...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol
I wasn't aware that casual meant people could ignore common decency.
Wish I didn't know that now.
Like it or not, there is a difference between ghosting a committed relationship and ghosting a casual sex only fling. Neither are the best look but one is not that bad and one is just straight wrong.
There wasn't really any need to formalize anything, or even say anything. It was hitting and quitting and then that went away...seems logical to me. She got bored, found somebody else, whatever, she moved on because when you have no agreement, like exclusivity, dating, etc., when literally you state right out of the gate "this is sex and nothing but," well, then you get sex...or nothing but. Right? It was what you guys both wanted.
I don't know how you could do things differently "next time," OP, unless you think you did do something...I mean we can't know that. If you think it was performance or something...or maybe you texted her a lot even though she literally just wanted sex and then not to talk to you in between...or something, only you can know that.
Its happened twice, both with people who were totally into it and mentioned nothing but good things and I’ve also ended casual things myself but I take a different approach. Guess my confusion is if it’s good and what they wanted (per their words) why dissapaear without saying anything? Or is their just no justifying people like this..
Well...I mean if you're not giving them anything BUT sex, well, that would have to be some pretty darned gold-plated sex to make them hang on to just that...because most of us women can get that, plus affection and so on elsewhere. So all other things being equal, even a woman who doesn't want an entanglement/relationship may drift away for someone else to sleep with who also has an added element in there...he's friendly or funny or whatever...I don't know...if all you have is sex that's pretty tenuous because unless we have a third eyeball and a hunchback (no offense meant to any hunchbacks or triclopia out there), generally, women can get sex, we can get our fill of it. If even one thing is unsatisfactory or seems fishy or whatever it's not much for us to move on from that. JMO.
I mean I'm 50 years old, for the love of ham, and married at that, and I still get approached regularly on various forums and the like (that have NOTHING to do with dating or relationships, etc.)...it is pretty easy. That's not a lot to make a woman hang on. It's not a brass ring or a unicorn.
So...you can have just sex but you can't count on hanging onto that. Just accept that moving forward if just sex is what you want. Just understand, she can go any time she wants and no, neither of you owes the other an explanation under these circumstances. There isn't much to interpret, just move on.
I don't think anyone is saying that. However, when you state the relationship is casual, and non committal, I don't think one should feel poorly if ghosted.
Exactly. This is really so simple. No commitment = no responsibilities to one another and no implied future. This assuming that it was outright a just-sex understanding which apparently it was.
I don't see that as a lack of common decency...when from the inception it was about just something physical, with NO responsibility of one to the other beyond calling if they wanted a little, or not calling when they didn't.
Should she have sent him a Hallmark card? "Dearest...well, dearest non-dear person who was just a body, I feel compelled to do the decent thing and let you down gently from something you never committed to at all in the first place"? That could be awkward. God knows it was as awkward to write as I'm sure it was to read.
Also many people do not like confrontations. What one person perceives as a meaningless fling others perceive as more.
I think this point is important. Like no matter WHAT she perceived it as (meaningless fling, or more) she clearly now feels that responding to your messages is not a thing she wishes to do.
Possible reasons are many, so I'm not going to speculate on what she is thinking, or feeling, really.
Possible reasons:
- She senses herself catching feels.
- She thinks you are catching feels.
- She caught an STI and is scared to have "the conversation" with you (are ya getting tested, I hope?)
- She found someone else who better suits her needs, whatever those may be.
- She suddenly noticed your nose hair. It's really distracting.
- Alien abduction.
- She won the lottery and now lives on an exotic island.
- She's pregnant, and is scared to have "the conversation" with you.
- Car wreck.
- Family emergency.
- She's bored with you and doesn't feel obligated to text you and explain that.
- 42.
- She dropped her phone in a toilet and now it doesn't work.
...see? Kind of a silly endeavor, and a guessing game...
Better luck next time?
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Right? It was what you guys both wanted.
"Dearest...well, dearest non-dear person who was just a body, I feel compelled to do the decent thing and let you down gently from something you never committed to at all in the first place"? That could be awkward. God knows it was as awkward to write as I'm sure it was to read.
