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This is the worst thing you've said in this whole thread. You HAVE to discuss this with him. What he's done is so disrespectful of you and the marriage. You need to establish clear boundaries. If you can't talk to him about this very important issue, you may as well pack it up.
And btw, going on about how he has neglected you is a separate issue. I wouldn't mingle those two topics. Even if he he had been fawning over you this whole time, what he did was objectively wrong. Period. Call him on it.
Your right. I have tried to talking to him and we can have a great conversation and feel like we have made serious progress but whenever she comes up he shuts down. I just don't wamt to be overbearing and end up pushing him away. It's the last thing i want. I feel like i habe been a bad wife and he did this as a cry for help. I can't figure out what except i was grieving due to some traumatic things i have gone through. He says he felt unloved by me bit i habe a 1 amd 2 year old child atm and i wrnt through 2 life changing experiemces so i feel if amyone needed extra love it should have been me.
Its not cheating but it's a beytayal. Obviously there's more issues. It's obvious this wasn't his first sign of our relationship being in distrsssed. Maybe i am just blind because i was happy with him. He days o am the only ome for him amd he's just sm idiot. So it's a lot for me to take in
Im sorry you are dealing with this and I understand it can be difficult. All Im saying is that this is likely a symptom, not the cause of your issues. I wish you are able to work things out and be able to move forward.
No, you’re not over reacting. Your husband has screwed up. Now you have to figure out how to work through it.
An apology is not enough. Nor is a blank check of forgiveness. Dragging him over the coals for the rest of your lives won’t help either.
You probably need to see a marriage counselor and get some substantial training on how the two of you can work together to rebuild trust.
In the meantime, keep your own council and don’t discuss the situation too much with friends. Everyone will see things through their own lens.
Hope for a productive period of growth in your future. There’s a good chance the two of you will be fine if both of you put sincere effort into modifying your relationship.
I can't agree more i have only talked to one friend. I don't want anyone to know about this like my family and close friends they'll hate him. If we work it out i don't want their opinions of us to change. This is the exact reason i came here. Unbiased opinions. Thank you
Your right. I have tried to talking to him and we can have a great conversation and feel like we have made serious progress but whenever she comes up he shuts down. I just don't wamt to be overbearing and end up pushing him away. It's the last thing i want. I feel like i habe been a bad wife and he did this as a cry for help. I can't figure out what except i was grieving due to some traumatic things i have gone through. He says he felt unloved by me bit i habe a 1 amd 2 year old child atm and i wrnt through 2 life changing experiemces so i feel if amyone needed extra love it should have been me.
This part really irritates me. He screwed up, not you. He was the one who did something wrong, not you. I can't stand anyone who reverses the situation and makes it all about themselves. Sounds like you had traumatic events happen. Now he is turning it around so that it is you who neglected him. Boo freaking Hoo. He needs to man up and apologize and discuss what happened. He owes that to you. Shutting down is a boy's way of saying I don't want to discuss what I did because I don't want to admit I screwed up.
OP, I'm with those who say you ARE overreacting. The more you think about it, the higher your suspicion that he's up to no good. I think it was rather disrespectful for him to save the photos, but based on the info you've shared in this thread I don't believe it's that big a deal.
He looked; he didn't touch.
There's apparently no evidence that he met up with or even spoke with the woman.
He seems contrite now.
I say give him a break and try to put this behind you. Let go of your suspicions before they eat you alive.
By the way, I am a female.
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Last edited by PJSaturn; 01-27-2018 at 05:49 PM..
Reason: Corrected a typo.
OP, I'm with those who say you ARE overreacting. The more you think about it, the higher your suspicion that he's up to no good. I think it was rather disrespectful for him to save the photos, but based on the info you've shared in this thread I don't believe it's that big a deal.
He looked; he didn't touch.
There's apparently no evidence that he met up with or even spoke with the woman.
He seems contrite now.
I say give him a break and try to put this behind you. Let go of your suspicious before they eat you alive.
By the way, I am a female.
.
well, it is not like he follows tons of women and likes them like most guys.
He asked her for her number and didn't get it. That's not look and not touch ... that's the first step to cheating.
Then he created an instagram account just to follow her as he has ZERO activity on it otherwise. He only likes sexy pics from ONE person. And it is NOT his wife.
Not suspicious?? Seems to me he is trying to get with the other woman but she keeps ignoring him.
I have tried to talking to him and we can have a great conversation and feel like we have made serious progress but whenever she comes up he shuts down.
... is very concerning.
If there were NOTHING to it, he would not hesitate to reassure you.
Here is what a marriage counselor told me a long time ago: Secrets breed sickness. They do not build relationships. Whether you think you are protecting someone from harm or what, it never helps.
So whatever history he has with this girl, if he is harboring some old feelings for her or is just turned on by her pix, he needs to be able to admit that so you two can move forward. And you have to accept that he admits it (if that is the case) and recognize what a big step it is for him to admit it.
Making things worse is the fact that you two obviously have two small kids (plus some trauma that you alluded to) and you have let your marriage take a back seat to them. It is VERY common, and it is an easy rut to fall into.
So there are things you two can do to repair things in your marriage, but not if you both are keeping secrets and being afraid to talk about things. You probably need a marriage counselor to help you sort through it.
So i have been married for 5 years. I always trusted my husband and never thought he could betray me or disrespect me in amy way shape or form. He's my entire universe. We have 2 kids together.
Last week I stumbled upon 10 plus pictures of a woman his phone while sorting through pics. I checked dates and he started this in September so obviously i don't check his phone or else i would have noticed. I saw the images were from instagram. So i looked at his instagram account. I found he had commented flatterimg things to her. I found he had liked over 50 photos of her since September which is when he started following her. I asked who she was and he said it was a former coworker. He made no private contact with her through messages or texts throughout this time. Some of the photos were sexual, for example one of her sitting on the bathroom sink with her tongue showing in a sexual way and legs wide open. One was her crotch area in pink panties. He commented and liked both of these too. He didnt give any other women attention at all or anyone else om instahram in all this time just her. I think all of our mutual friends saw this and i am embaressed. I asked why he had her pics saved and he said he just like the pictures and it meant nothing. Should i be worried or even upset. Could he be lying to me or himself? It still hurts me but i don't know how to feel about all of this. I'm afraid to overreact and make something out of nothing. Is this consideted disrespectful?
well, it is not like he follows tons of women and likes them like most guys.
He asked her for her number and didn't get it. That's not look and not touch ... that's the first step to cheating.
Then he created an instagram account just to follow her as he has ZERO activity on it otherwise. He only likes sexy pics from ONE person. And it is NOT his wife.
Not suspicious?? Seems to me he is trying to get with the other woman but she keeps ignoring him.
He got her number, she gave it to him. thats why i asked!
He never used it.
I don't distrust that he'll ever do this again. I am not suspicious of his intentions. I am terrified bof how he really feels about this person and how he actually feels about me. I feel lile he won't admit tge truth to himself. Ibtold him to take time to think for himself and not me and figure it all out. If he comes to the realization he doesn't want me to leave. He says his answer won't change it's me he wants and it was always me. I can't help but struggle with believing in his words
Old enough! To have a 10 year old son. And to have lived in the 80s although for a very short brief time only and him a tiny bit longer than me.
This kills me more than anything because i thpight the same like wow this is only something a kid would do and if i was on the ither end if it my advice would be leave his ass now! He cares now but he didn't care when he was doing all this.
The fact that all this, it all started off of some stupid attraction he couldn't just leave when she stopped working with her. He had to keep contavt and asked for her number and got it. He followed her on social media less than a week later. Then his attraction spilled out all over social media and she even made her debut on his his phones gallery the first day he followed her. He only keeps friends and family in his gallery. I keep attractive celebs on my phone but it's no secret but he made it a secret bevause he knew it was wrong. He kept going for 5 months!
It's even more crazy because i am not big into social media and he never has been either. I didn't even know he was even using it as i never see him online and he has always stated that he doesn't even like it. To me this is all so ridiculous.
The way he made me feel and the level of disrespect he reached and the lies alone are all awful and i feel like i should leave him. Especially if he took something likev
this so far. It affected and changed everything. This goes beyond instagram and likes. Whoever can't see it is merely just stuck on that one detail. It's his behavior that he needs to examine and figure out what is it that got him there. If it isn't that she means something to him (which just sounds like a big load of bull**** imo)
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