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Old 02-02-2018, 06:55 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,793,089 times
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I'm not 50 yet, but getting there, but never married. I want/wanted to be. I've met very few women since I turned 40 that will even entertain the idea. I did have two people I very much wanted to marry, but one did not want to ever get married (she is in her 50s now and hasn't) and the other didn't want to marry me (but does want to get married). It's better not to get married than to marry someone you're not in love with and compatible with, so here I am. This is not something to force. I'm still hopeful, but when people you meet have no desire to every marry (or marry again), it's difficult. Heck, a huge portion of the people I've met the last five years don't believe in monogamy. Which is why I was so pleased to meet the last person I dated.
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Old 02-02-2018, 07:47 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,913 posts, read 2,435,148 times
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I'm 51 and never married. I've never wanted kids my whole life, so to me getting married was not that important. I have had a number of relationships and a few FWB's, but spent a quite a few years on my own. I've been in a relationship for about three years now with a woman I met on OKC. She also was not interested in marriage and we hit it off immediately.
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Old 02-02-2018, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,114 posts, read 63,494,064 times
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My brother is 65 and never married. He’s only had one SO, as far as I know. They share a house they bought while they were dating, but now it’s just platonic.
He told me she didn’t think he was romantic enough. Too bad, because he’s a nice guy, just very quiet and self obsorbed.
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Old 02-02-2018, 08:31 AM
 
1,205 posts, read 1,180,335 times
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I get tired of speculation over singles and what's wrong with them et al....but unhealthy or toxic relationships that end are somewhat superior to those who don't follow suit.


I think many unhitched people would be interested in healthy compatible relationships but will not just unite with someone so they can be "taken". Bleh.


btw, I know couples who are unmarried but together for over 20 years. Are they still freaks? Of course not.


And if you divorce after seven years, welp, you are a relationship winner!
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Old 02-02-2018, 09:20 PM
 
1,713 posts, read 1,100,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by magpiehere View Post
I get tired of speculation over singles and what's wrong with them et al....but unhealthy or toxic relationships that end are somewhat superior to those who don't follow suit.
This frustrates me like nothing else on God's earth. Until quite recently my personal life or preferred lack of one was a total non-issue. As I approached and eventually passed forty, it became everyone else's business. Does it not occur to them that if I wanted to change I'd try harder?
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Old 02-03-2018, 06:02 PM
 
Location: around
818 posts, read 453,911 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
yes, it can be a cesspool, and often is. And little in the way of benefits from an investment of time and energy.

just look at pics of men in their 60's on OurTime.com or POF.com - extremely scary looking. bottom of the barrel.


90% of the women in their 40s all over date sites are scary enough for me talking bottom of the barrel .
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Old 02-04-2018, 06:09 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
15,199 posts, read 10,207,608 times
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When you see the same people for years on the same dating sites you do start to wonder about them...
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Old 02-04-2018, 08:10 AM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,057,652 times
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I don't agree with Sassybluesy, "I've tended to think, over the years, that if someone wants to get married, they will. If that's their driving ambition, their biological imperative, so to speak, then it WILL happen." Nope, I don't agree. I wanted to get married and yet couldn't find a man who wanted ME. I agree that a woman can get married to "whoever" comes along just to get married if she really doesn't care who she's marrying and just wants that ring on her finger but that's totally against my values to do that. I wanted to marry someone who I was deeply in love with, a soulmate, someone who loved me just as much in return. That didn't happen.

There are many reasons why a woman doesn't find someone compatible. It's not as cut and dried as you say.

So typical of couples who go around thinking that single people are marred and they are the better people. Well, I'd rather be single than divorced twice over like one woman I know. I'd rather be single and living a good life helping others than running around on my spouse like many couples I know. I'd rather be single than in these co-dependent relationships that I read about where the couple has to be tied at the hip.

I admit, I didn't like men who tried to tell me what to do and the few ones that weren't like that didn't seem too into me.

I think men tend to prioritize physical attractiveness when they look for a wife and although I was considered pretty, I wasn't "hot". I was more of a "girl next door" type. This worked against me in the dating scene. In the dating scene, men gravitate towards the hot girls, not the girl next door types.
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Old 02-05-2018, 09:30 AM
 
1,205 posts, read 1,180,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawk101 View Post
90% of the women in their 40s all over date sites are scary enough for me talking bottom of the barrel .

What traits make them "bottom of the barrel"? I am curious.


I know many fantastic single women in their 40s. Granted, some are lesbians and most are artists.


I don't know any fantastic guys in their 40s. I know some average or adequate ones that are happy as long as they get sex and dinner regularly and maybe drink too much beer too often. Nothing wrong with that overall I guess, I just think many women (I know) are bored with that.

We don't think they are bottom of the barrel though as long as they are employed and care for their children in some way if they have any.


If I wanted to be married bad enough I'm thinking there is an unemployed alcoholic hobo running from the law that might fall in love with me. *swoon*
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Old 02-05-2018, 11:18 AM
 
Location: So Cal
51,955 posts, read 52,378,573 times
Reputation: 52450
Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966 View Post
I'm 51 and never married. I've never wanted kids my whole life, so to me getting married was not that important. I have had a number of relationships and a few FWB's, but spent a quite a few years on my own. I've been in a relationship for about three years now with a woman I met on OKC. She also was not interested in marriage and we hit it off immediately.
If a couple is together awhile and not legally married most things could be handled with wills and living trusts and things along those lines. The one bummer that I found out is that SS eligibility requires that a couple be married for at least ten years in order to claim that money if a partner has passed away and if their benefit payout was higher, you lose out on that higher amount which kind of sucks. Not sure why a couple being together for a long long time would be viewed that much differently in the eyes of social security administration, but whatever. I just started with a new company and went through their benefits enrollment process and while I was able to get my SO covered but because we are domestic partners only and not married the company is going to tax the money that they use to pay her benefits. Which works out to about 7k a year, so my taxable income is going to be higher and I'll be on the hook for that larger amount, as I understand it, not 100% percent sure but that's what it seems like.. It just feels like a bit like a chintzy thing to do, I mean if you're going to pay for the benefit just pay for the damn benefit already.


I worked with a guy at my last company and have known him for 15 plus years and the whole time I've known him he's never had a GF. I'm pretty sure he's straight, not that that matters just saying. On paper this guy looks great, good job, makes 6 figures a year and has for a long time. Doesn't have any kind of excessive vices, he's in good shape, not an ugly guy, not in the habit of rating men, LOL, but again, seems ok in that regard. I think he sets his standards so high as to not be able to find a woman on purpose, that seems to be the rumors from other people that have known him too.


Kind of sad if you ask me. The being perpetually single seems lonely and yeah, I know, some people are just fine with it and all but to me sharing your life with someone is a much happier way to go through life. I think someone can be happy single, but it seems like to me if you should try to have a big network of friends to go out and do things with them is a fine way to go if you aren't into the relationship thing.


I personally am sorta a lone wolf and don't want or need a lot of friends but I do enjoy having a spouse in my life. Friends are ok, but sometimes they want too much of my time and it's not fair to string people along. If you're going to be friends you need to commit to seeing them and fostering that bond/friendship.
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